guess who is a homeowner?!

♪♫ Lost in the Fire - The Weeknd

I intended to blog much sooner than this, but everything in my life kinda just went to hell. I was evicted from where I'm living. Not because of anything I did. I'll explain; I was renting a room from my cousin along with two other relatives. My cousin got into an argument with one of the relatives and decided she wants us all to leave. Its been a lot of drama and stress. Myself and the other two relatives decided to buy a house together. Where I live, the rent is really high (costs the same for an apartment monthly that it does for a house), and its also hard to find both rentals and houses. Due to that fact, we decided that going for a house is better because at least that way we will own it and get our money back at some point. We also each had signifcant money in our savings and good credit on top of that.

So we applied for a mortgage, and we got approved for $395k! This was exciting, because its usually enough to buy a duplex or small house, but... sadly the market got really crazy. We bid on about seven homes and lost each one. The last one we actually were the highest bid, but the person they chose had cash and so they got chosen over us. It was super frustrating. Just three or four months ago, there were still many homes going for around $350k. Our real estate agent says she isn't sure why, but the market just exploded right before we began searching for a house, which is super bad luck. It was so frustrating and discouraging.

But good news! We got a house! We purchased a brand new mini home just outside of the city. Its in the country, but my drive to work is actually only ten minutes longer because I already lived on the outskirt of the city. The home itself isn't actually ready because its still in the factory, but it will be delivered mid May and then it will be hooked up to power/septic/whatever else by the end of May and we can move in! Although we haven't seen the house in person, we did go inside of a show home and it was amazing! They are built much wider now and using the same materials that regular houses are built with. For example, the house has regular drywall instead of the vinyl panels that a lot of mini/mobile homes are usually made with. The kitchen is bigger than all the regular houses we had bid on too!

Our monthly payments including mortgage, utilities, property tax, and internet is the exact same price that most three bedroom apartments are listed for in my city (and thats utilities NOT included)! We are saving money, and since mini homes are built much better now, they should retain their value, meaning we will get our money back when we sell. Maybe even more if the market is hot whenever we sell it! We haven't fully calculated how much each of us is paying because we need to see our bills first, but I estimate that I'll be paying around $650 monthly. As a student, that is pretty affordable compared to what my other options would be. If I went off on my own, I'd have to put my stuff in storage (costing $150 monthly), and rent a room in student housing (which costs $600-$1000).

Until then, however, my life will be stressful. My cousin wants us out of here by the 1st of April, so I'm going to move with my dad at the end of the week. He lives in a bachelor apartment, so its not ideal. But he got an extra mattress for him to sleep on and says I can sleep on his bed. The nice thing is that its close to my work (a five minute walk away), but I won't have privacy or feel really at home for two months. My only comfort is knowing that by the summertime, I'll be in my own home out in the country and I can have iced drinks on my deck as I listen to music with the sun shining down on me. Sounds so perfect!

I also have plans for my bedroom! This will be no surprise, but I'm going to have a '60s/'70s aesthetic. I have a list of items I'm going to buy and I have the savings all ready to make the purchases when the time comes. Here is what I'm getting...

Top row (left to right): platform bed frame, dresser (that I'll use for my TV as well), & desk for school/writing.
Bottom row (left to right): vintage gold metal record stand, yellow computer chair, & the shade of orange I'm painting my walls.
I have more things I want to buy, but will get those items over time. These are what I want to start with. In addition to those purchases, here is some of what I already have to add to the '60s/'70s aesthetic...

Top row (left to right): floral vintage bedding (this is just a portion of my collection), vintage bedsheet that my mom is going to turn into curtains for my room, & a granny square blanket.
Bottom row (left to right): vintage moon staircase shelf, my record player, & vintage mushroom magazine rack.

I have lots more, but these are the main big items for my room. My collecion of vintage kitchenware will be placed inside a china cabinet in the dining room.
I'm so excited to have a bedroom that feels like home. I haven't had that in a long time. Where I'm living now with my cousin, I was just sleeping on a couch in the basement. Most of my stuff has been in storage and I miss it!

In addition to that, my school semester is almost over... which means its a super stressful time. I have a lot of assignments and projects due soon. Plus exams in a few weeks. I don't even get the summer off, because I signed up for summer classes to speed up my degree. However, I have two weeks at the end of August before the fall semester starts, so I'm going to visit New Brunswick during that time. I can't wait! I'm going to see my best friend and get drunk like I did when I was a teenager, haha. It'll be well deserved after these few months of hell.

I hope everyone is doing well!

the way you smile that does it for me

♪♫ Sweet - Cigarettes After Sex

I'm back! I've decided to go down to part time hours at work for the rest of the summer, so I should be able to blog more! The reason for this decision is because I'm feeling really exhausted by work. I need a break. Working part time will give me 9 days between the 5 days that I work. Which is a total of at least 18 days off per month basically. I'm able to do this because my actual position is a part time position, I have just been taking extra shifts since I began working there. I simply told my boss I won't be requesting extra shifts until September and she was very understanding.

Its been 5 days since I was at work and I have 4 more days off to enjoy. I spent a couple of those days at my grandmother's house to spend time with her. I also got a haircut and I dyed half my hair blue! I am slowly going back to the old me, the true me, and I feel so great about it! I really lost myself for a long while, but dyeing my hair made a big difference! I also got lots of new clothes! I bought some at the mall and the ones from Shein arrived (sending a few items back though because I didn't like them). I'm going to start wearing my glasses more often... which I should be doing because I get headaches when I read without them. Also, I am booking a tattoo appointment! Currently discussing with the artist what I want to have done; the word "silencio" with a blue key underneath (from the movie Mulholland Drive).

Speaking of shopping... I've done a lot more shopping lately, haha. First of all; my turquoise night stand came in and I put it together. Its super cute and I love it! I have also pre-ordered Lana Del Rey's upcoming poetry/photography book called Violet Bent Backwards Over The Grass which comes out at the end of September. Other things I have recently bought (aside from the clothing mentioned earlier) are; a pansexual pride flag, House of the Devil on DVD, coasters, tacs (to put more decorations up on my walls), and a velvet hairband.

I leave for my mini cottage vacation on Monday and I'm super excited! I bought all the food today and I have books, a face mask and a shower bomb from Lush all ready to go as well! Aside from that, I'm really unsure what I want to do when I'm there. I'm thinking I should go on a few walks because its close to a lake and maybe watch some movies too. Its going to be so nice to get away from this house. I need a little break... actually I need a long one, but I'm waiting for the pandemic to end to do that... and hopefully it'll take place in Hawaii, haha. I still have my Hawaii money waiting for when I'm able to go!

I hope everyone is well. Depending on where you live, the pandemic may or may not be severe. Where I live, there are only a couple active cases. A lot of restrictions have been lifted, allowing everyone to enjoy the summer! If you're in a place where its not going well, I hope things improve quickly and you are able to enjoy at least a little bit of the summer. I wish good health for everyone as well!

happy 10 year anniversary to my blog!

♪♫ Brass Devil - Parov Stelar

Thats right! I have had this blog for exactly 10 years today! I have been blogging in general for almost 15 years, but I've had this blog for 10 of those years and its been a wonderful journey. This blog has helped me in so many ways, mostly with processing a lot of past trauma and emotions about things. I have come a long way since I started this blog. I was 17 years old and was living on my own through a program for homeless teens. I was a high school dropout and was binge drinking frequently. My mental health was garbage. I was dirt poor. I smoked cigarettes. I was self destructive and chaotic. Now I'm 27 and I'm a live-in support worker for youth. I have another job at a homeless shelter for youth and I have maybe 5 glasses of wine per year. My mental health is stable. I make a comfortable income. I quit smoking. I do lots of self care and I'm calm. I feel completely different! Anyways, I got a little cake to celebrate...

Another small anniversary announcement; its been one year since I graduated from college! Woo!

Moving on... quarantine restrictions have been lifted where I live. Not entirely, but we can do a lot more stuff now. I was able to visit my family a few days ago and we had pizza/set up a porch swing on my grandmother's deck. Next week I'm going to see them for a family BBQ! I also went for lunch with my dad yesterday and we looked around in a few local stores. I ended up buying 4 more little cacti babies and a cactus light as well. Oh and at work I made some cute things; a travel journal and two roll on essential oils (I love unexpected self care)! I can't tell you how wonderful it felt to go out and do normal things again. It really reduced my level of stress. I'm excited to do more stuff!

The ones in the white pots are new! I've named them (from left to right); Theodora, Lana, Frank, Ed, and Lou! The cactus light isn't very bright, but its cute.

Also... look at my first baby's flowers! It hasn't bloomed in so long and I'm so excited!

Here is the travel journal and roll on essential oils.

Yesterday I also got a bed frame for my bed. My boss dropped it off, along with a mattress cover. She also gave me a thank you card and told me that I'll be getting a Bed, Bath and Beyond gift card soon (because I worked through the pandemic)! Speaking of new stuff, I also did a lot of online shopping recently. I bought a new planner that I can start using in August. Its different than my old one, but I am excited to try out a different format. I also bought tons of stickers for it and some washi tape. I also ordered a grow lamp for my cacti (I live in Canada & there isn't enough sun for my cacti to be happy) and a night table (I was using a standing tray thingy from the dollar store - I decided its time to treat myself to a nice night table)!

One last purchase announcement; The Last of Us Part II is out tomorrow! I already have it pre-ordered, so I'm just going to wait to get it in the mail. Hopefully it comes early next week. I really want to play it on Tuesday when I have a day off from work (I work for the next 5 days). I'll have to grab some munchies too. I'm so excited! I also heard they are introducing a transgender character, which is so awesome! I love how diverse the game is!

That is all for now. I'm going to go read my old blogs and reminisce about the old days. If you are interested in reading my old blogs, my archive is at the bottom of the page. You can even read my first blog on June 18th, 2010! Anyways, I hope everyone is well!

she walks the streets so mean

♪♫ Carmen - Lana Del Rey

What a busy week its been! I worked a combined 24 hours (4 different shifts) between Friday at 2:00 pm and Sunday at 7:30 am. I was so exhausted! I don't know how I made it through. I'm definitely glad I did though! Oh, I also received 3 From Hell in the mail on Friday, which definitely helped my mood, haha! On Sunday, my boyfriend came to visit me for the night. We went out for dinner with a friend, then came back to my place and watched Eli (the new horror movie on Netflix). After that, we watched some TV and cuddled. The next day, we had breakfast, went for a nice fall walk, then he headed home. It was so nice to see him! ♥♥♥


Monday was election day here in Canada. I went out and voted of course (its important!). The results weren't what I hoped for, but I'm glad at least that the conservatives didn't win. Monday was also my big self care day! I got a professional therapeutic massage for the first time ever. It was amazing! My back feels a lot better now. After that, I went to the mall for dinner, which was nice... but I was originally gonna go to a local Mexican restaurant, until I found out that they closed to move to a different location. Ugh. I was also going to go to the movies, but I decided that I wasn't in the mood to go. Anyways, I ended up buying a bunch of things at the mall/grocery store; a little light-up cactus, pumpkin spice instant oatmeal, two rectangular plates with a bat pattern and some groceries for myself, plus some little gifts and cards for upcoming birthdays, plus Christmas. So it was still a good day!


Yesterday was a busy day too. I had a driving lesson in the morning, which went great. I'm enjoying driving now! I decided to go shopping again in the afternoon. This time I went across the city to a different mall, where I didn't really find anything aside from a few small things for myself; a new pair of slippers, a pair of gloves (which allow me to use touchscreen devices - I didn't realize that when I bought them), blueberry muffins and some chocolate. Then I stopped at the bank to get my paycheck and make an appointment with a financial advisor. I have been stressing about saving money lately, so I think talking with a professional with help me a lot. I also want to have two different savings; one for retirement and one for emergencies/vacations. Currently I've been trying to save $1000 per month, which I think is really unrealistic. I end up not having enough to enjoy myself and then I spend some of my savings.


Last night I slept for 12 hours. I rarely sleep more than 8 at the most, so it was much needed. I'm a bit groggy today, so this is my lazy self care day. I plan to pretty much just lay in bed, eat snacks, and watch TV/movies all day. Right now I'm going to make tomato soup with a grilled cheese sandwich and watch Halloween III: Season of the Witch! Today is sadly my last day off before I head back to work for 5 days. Its been a great 4 days off though!