with the slow graceful flow

♪♫ Edge of Seventeen - Stevie Nicks

I'm back with a new blog theme! How is everyone doing? Personally, I'm doing much better than before. I was so depressed for a while, but I've really overcome that in the past week. I think its mainly due to putting more emphasis on taking my medication everyday and on time, which is something I really slacked off on for a while. However, even though I mentally feel well, physically I feel dead from doing so many 12 hour overnight shifts. I can't wait to go back to 8 hour shifts when the pandemic ends!

In my last blog, I posted the cameo video from Terry O'Quinn that I received. Well guess what?! I also ordered one from Jim Beaver (Bobby on Supernatural) and Kimmy Robertson (Lucy on Twin Peaks). Both were less than $25, which is a super good deal! My absolute favorite from all the videos is Jim Beaver's. He just said all the right things and made me smile so much! I won't be posting them on here, mostly because I'm lazy as hell, haha. I will definitely buy more cameos in the future. I love getting personalized videos from celebs that I admire. ♥️

Anyways, guess who reached her savings goal?! Me!!! I'm so excited! I won't say how much it is, but its more money than I've ever had at one time in my entire life and I'm so proud of myself for being able to save it! Even though my savings account is looking good, I still have had extra money for spending, which is great! Speaking of spending, I ended up buying another quilt set because the one I originally ordered was cancelled. They fully refunded me and then I found a cheaper and even better quilt set, so I bought it! I'm so excited!


Aside from all of that, I also got to go to the park last week! My province opened up parks again (people still need to social distance). As soon as I heard the news, I went out the next day to a nearby park that I love and had a wonderful walk. I also took a couple selfies in my car when I was there, which turned out amazing because of the natural lighting!


That's all for now. I hope everyone is well. ♥️

i see the dead in your eyes

♪♫ Meet The Creeper - Rob Zombie

Wow... its been like two months since I last blogged! School really consumed my life! I didn't just have a ton of work to do, I also worked at my school's march break camp for kids and then went on placement, then a week of training, and now I am halfway through my second placement. I feel like I have been nonstop working! Speaking of working, I got a summer job at the local youth center! I have done volunteering there before, so I am familiar with it. Its basically a place for youth to drop in anytime its open and hangout in a safe environment. Pretty awesome, eh?!

So much has happened since I last wrote a blog (aside from everything I just mentioned). I will list everything in bullet points, in no particular order...

I ordered three more kimonos online and bought another one at the mall. Now I have five all together to get me through the summer!

I completed my driving classes and am now on my sixth driving lesson! I'm still pretty nervous behind the wheel though.

I bought some pretty awesome stuff both online and in person! Most of this stuff was super cheap. I know it looks like I'm rich or something, haha. I promise you that I'm a broke college student! I'm just good at finding deals! For example, the owl candle holder was $4, the rainbow sun towel was $5, the dream catcher bracelets were only like a little over a dollar each, the "not all who wander are lost" shirt was $12 and the "the lonely mountain" shirt was actually free. I love finding good deals, haha!

I made and ate lots of yummy vegan food! Which reminds me... I really want to be vegan again! I went from vegan to vegetarian last year because I felt like it was easier when I went out to restaurants, was at someone's house or was at an event. However... I know that veganism is better for me and I need to get back to it! My health was never better than when I was vegan! That and my love for animals is my motivation. I think I will spend the summer transitioning back to being vegan!

I got a new phone! Its an LG K4 2017. It may look fancy, but its just a prepaid phone. I paid like $150 all together with taxes. I also bought a cute dream catcher case and a screen protector on Ebay for super cheap! My old phone was acting up and giving me trouble, so I decided that it was time for a new phone.

Since I am a horror movie addict, I paid approximately $50 for a one year membership to Shudder, which is like Netflix for just horror movies! It has a pretty decent selection too!

I had to move to a different town last month to do my first placement. It was a really awesome experience! I stayed in a bed and breakfast, which was owned by a nice British couple. I got the biggest room they had, which had a sun room attached to it and a kitchenette so that I could make my own food! It was so lovely! Also... my placement was wonderful. My last day was so sad! The children asked me to stay and I had to tell them that I couldn't. It was heartbreaking. They even gave me some handmade parting gifts!

I got hooked on Riverdale. I didn't expect to love it as much as I do! I typically don't watch teen shows, but this one really pulled me in!

Randomly spotted this snake in the parking lot of the bus station. I named him Joe. I hope he is doing well.

I'm still waiting on these things to arrive in the mail. I used coupons for everything, so I paid about $70 including shipping. The first four things are from an artist that I have been following for a while. I have admired her work, but I never seemed to have enough money to purchase anything from her. She recently announced that her shop will be closing because of her health and she posted a discount code, so I took the opportunity to purchase all the things that I liked from her shop. The rest of the stuff is from Chapters. I got $10 off from my rewards card and two of the items were already discounted, so it was an awesome deal! I especially like the "dream a little dream" jewelry dish. I always have that song stuck in my head!

Took a new selfie and I love it!

Today is the day!!! Twin Peaks season three!!! I am so excited!!! However... I have to wait till tomorrow to watch it because I don't have Showtime. Ahhh!!!

I got my grades back from last semester and not only did I pass everything, I also got really good grades! Hard work pays off!

When I was away for my last placement, the Brisith couple I was staying with happened to be vegetarians and they had a vegetarian potluck! It was awesome! They made this mac 'n cheese dish with faux hamburger and it was sooo good!

That was a lot... I am hoping to keep up with blogging so that I don't have to write giant blogs like this every time I blog. I'm going to try to write another one tomorrow after I watch the first two episodes of Twin Peaks season three! Also... I'm going to spend the rest of my day updating different areas of my blog, updating social networking sites and updating my phone. Lots to do! I am not feeling well (I think I caught a virus), so hopefully I can get it all done!

it's better to never ask why

♪♫ Try - P!nk

I've had a few interesting things happen since I last blogged. I'll start with the most exciting one; I passed the GED math test, which means... I got my GED! I'm so happy and proud of myself! But ugh... I had really bad anxiety about it for a few weeks beforehand. I've never been good at math, so I really doubted my ability to do it, even though I studied like crazy. I'm so relieved now. I never have to worry about it again!

I celebrated by having dinner with my cousin and grandmother, and then having some wine with the women that I volunteer with. I also received some cards and money from family, and my grandmother is going to give me her ring (once it gets sized)! Plus I finally got to open the cheap tablet that I bought for myself a few weeks ago. I'm actually writing this blog on it right now. I'm really liking it so far!




On a completely unrelated topic; I started keto last week. It's basically a very low carb (less than 50 grams), high fat, and moderate protein diet. Anyways, I knew that I would get the "low carb flu", so I took the proper supplements and drank lots of water. However... it didn't help. I just kept getting more and more sick. Eventually, on the fifth day, I threw up a few times and felt my heart beating hard. It scared the hell out of me, so I quit...

To make a long story short, I still felt sick two days after quitting, so I went to the hospital. I ended up having low phosphorus (the only thing that I wasn't supplementing), so they gave me supplements to take over a twenty-four hour period. I'm feeling a ton better now! However, I was hooked up an EKG and the hospital, and whenever I felt my heart beating hard... it didn't show up. Also, the nurse said that I had the heart of an athlete. So... I don't have an explanation for that. Maybe it was a muscle spasm? I don't know.

So... I won't be doing a keto diet again for a long time. I suppose there was no real need for me to do it anyways. My old diet was working fine for weight loss (55 lbs down!), so I'm back to that. However, I'm gonna aim for 100 - 150 grams of carbs a day from now on, which is still considered low. I was eating around 200 grams before, so its not too big of a change. I've actually been doing it for a few days now. Its going really well. It feels like my diet is much more balanced now.

And last, but not least; I changed the layout and updated a bunch of stuff! It took forever, but I'm quite happy with how it turned out! Let me know what you think of the new changes! But yeah... I'm pretty tired right now, so I'm gonna watch Charmed until I fall asleep. Bye for now!

a fresh start

♪♫ Nothing

I haven't been keeping up with this blog lately, and there is a good reason for that...I was stuck in a deep depression. My agoraphobia was severe too. I stayed inside all the time and felt like an empty hole. But I've made plans to change that! I've decided on several things...

I'm going to move back to my hometown next spring.

My dad and I are going to get a two bedroom apartment downtown.

I'm going to get my GED before I leave.

I'm going to apply for a youth counselor course.

I'm going to try to get an apprenticeship to become a body piercer.

I'm going to dye my hair again. Platinum blonde on top and black on bottom. Just like I had when I was younger!

I'm getting my old piercings back; monroe, nose, eyebrow, two more in each ear and my belly button.

I'm also getting new piercings; one on the top of each ear and an industrial on my right ear.

I want two pet rats; Zui Zui & Mo. I want Zui Zui to be black and Mo to be brown. And both will be boys.

I'm slowly replacing my wardrobe, accessories and makeup (to feel more confident about myself).

I'm going to get my class 5 driver's license (mandatory for the youth counselor course).

I'm going to create a brand new blog when I move. A fresh start!

My goal will be to get an apartment of my own, close to my dad.

Some of the things I listed may not happen. But I'm gonna try my hardest to achieve my dreams! I'm unhappy with the city I live in right now. I disowned my mother, my friends all drifted away and my relationship is rocky (if its meant to be - it'll be). My hometown is a much bigger city. So many more opportunities for me. I'm excited! Very nervous too. I'm worried about not having friends. But I can't let worries like that get in my way. I gotta focus on making a life for myself.

I'm not closing this blog right now. I may still occasionally write a blog. Not too sure. And I still check for comments, so don't hesitate to leave some lurrve for me! In the meantime, follow my Instagram and Twitter for daily updates on my life. Both are zombiehhh_x. I hope y'all understand! Lurrve ya babes. ♥

she's known in the darkest clubs

♪♫ Queen Bitch - David Bowie

Hey y'all! Its been a fucking long time since I blogged. So sorry my lurrves! I was going through some shit, busy working, tryna see my friends, etc. I got a bunch of blogs from the past couple of months that I need to edit and publish. Its gonna take quite a while and I'm dreading it. Ugh. But I'm gonna do it...soon. I'm hoping to get a lot of it done this weekend. Wish me luck bitches! ;D

As you can see; I've changed the layout. Its neon and zebra print. Two of my favorite things ever! Also, I realized that I have been sugarcoating my personality online so that I don't offend anyone. But I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm gonna be me. Don't like it? Fuck off. :)

I'm just gonna go back to eating junk food and watching TV, like I've been doing all day. So laaaame, lololol. :P

i’m so full of these endless rhymes

♪♫ Sometimes (I Wish) - City And Colour

I apologize for not writing blogs lately. Plus not commenting on my friend's blogs, and/or keeping in touch. I've been suffering through some severe depression. As most people know, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and I'm taking medication for it. But its not really helping me a whole lot. So I'm at my grandmother's right now. For a couple weeks. Hopefully it will help me feel better. I'm sick of feeling this way. :(

The past few days have been especially very hard. I feel weighed down by depression and I've had so many panic attacks...ugh. I keep having to take Ativan. I just had one earlier. I was awful. But after I calmed down; I drank some tea, wrote some poetry and listened to music...which helped me a little bit. I'm trying to force myself to do things. And its really hard. I just don't feel like doing anything at all...

I'm gonna be publishing all the blogs that I wrote for the past couple months...soon. I need to edit them and whatnot. But they'll all be published soon enough. And I'll finish my new layout. I still have things I want to add to it. Especially new pages. I'm thinking of adding one for my loved ones. What do ya'll think of it so far? :)

If I don't write another blog for a little while...please just understand that its because I'm going through a hard time. And I feel very alone going through this hard time...which is making things worse. Living with these mental disorders that I have...well...its just brutal. :'(

Edit at 10:15 pm: I ended up going out earlier with everyone. And I bought some stuff for myself; face cleaning products (which I really needed) and Jolly Rancher sour gummes (which I haven't had since middle school). It cheered me up. Then I got home and decided to do an Alice in Wonderland inspired photoshoot by myself...but it ended up making me feel more depressed. Ugh. :/



I'm not Alice, and this isn't Wonderland.

i wanna run with the reckless emotion

♪♫ Alive - Melissa O'Neil

Another blog! Yay! Okay...its not that exciting, LOL. Well, I'll begin with Tuesday; I got to packages in the mail! It was my Pikachu DS Lite pouch and my mini Piglet plush! They are both sooo cute! After that, I mostly cleaned all day. Matt's mom picked me up at one point and took me to the post office so that I could mail a couple letters. Then to the furniture store, so that I could make another payment on my bedroom set. I made a lot of food when I got back home. Then I went back to cleaning again. :P


Wednesday wasn't a good day. I was feeling really depressed, and I ended up having a breakdown. Just feels like I've been in a rut lately. And Matt's parents found out about how I was feeling, which was embarrassing. But they weren't annoyed or anything. They were worried. So I called my grandmother and made plans for Matt and I to stay with my grandmother and cousin in Halifax for two weeks! So excited! Oh and I decided that I'm going to buy myself a Blackberry Torch 9810. I had one when I was 17. Best phone I ever had (despite the lack of apps). And they're only $140 at a nearby pawn shop! But I'm still keeping my Android. I love Instagram and Doctor Who: Legacy way too much, LOL. xD

There was a big snowstorm on Thursday. But that didn't stop me from going out anyways, haha. Matt got his tax return money and let me borrow some of it. And his mum drove me to the pawn shop. And as you probably already guessed; I got my Blackberry Torch 9810 (but I couldn't think of a name for it)! Its in pretty great condition too. Yay! And the only other interesting thing that happened was ordering an internet browser for my DS Lite. Wooo! :)



I decided to go with a new phone plan on Friday. So Matt and I went to the mall. I did research before we left the house and decided that Bell was the best option. So I walked in and immediately got help. That usually never happens, LOL. I got the perfect phone plan! Unlimited everything (except for data - I only get 500mb). And its only $60 a month! Not bad! The woman also said that I could cancel it anytime with no charge. Awesome. Oh and I came up with a name for my phone while I was there! A song by Stevie Nicks was playing, so I went with Stevie! It's such a witchy name. I love it! ^_^

Matt and I grabbed some supper on our way home. And as soon as we got back to the house, I became glued to my phone (Stevie) for hours. I barely spoke to Matt, LOL. But he didn't seem upset about it. However...the evening did get sorta upsetting. We heard his parents having a pretty bad fight. His dad accused his mum of cheating on him and she was insulted. I felt bad for Matt. I could see it in his face...he was worried. :(

The fight seemed to linger into yesterday. His mum left for the night and his dad looked upset. I tried not to think about it. Instead I finished setting everything up on my phone. Surprisingly it took pretty much all day. And I couldn't get to sleep, so I made dolls on dollpalace.com to entertain myself for the night. xP

I haven't really done anything today. I've mainly just worked on my main blog's layout. It feels a lot more positive and happy. And I really need that in my life right now...