hell will freeze over and i'll be damned

♪♫ American Woman (David Lynch Remix) - Muddy Magnolias

The last two weeks have been crazy busy! I'll begin with what happened a couple days after my last blog; I received my collector's edition Blu-ray copy of Wild at Heart in the mail! Its so beautiful! I also received (in a separate order); a faux leather portfolio (for school), plastic sheet covers, and lots of markers for coloring! I've been thinking a lot about getting back into coloring lately. I find it so relaxing!


I got my first credit card recently! I decided that its time to build good credit for myself, so that I can purchase a house in the future. I'm mostly going to be using it to pay off my phone bill every month (then paying off my credit card right away). I am going to be very careful to not use it too often. I don't want any debt! I'm hoping it goes well. Also... they gave me a limit of $2000, which seems like a lot for my first credit card. Most people I know only got $500 for their first one.

Last week was my school's March Break Camp. For anyone who doesn't know; I'm taking child and youth care in college. Our March Break Camp is basically like our exams. Our teacher observes us as we run the entire camp by ourselves. We have to plan activities, purchase supplies, book special guests, etc. Mostly, our teacher wants to see how we work with children. Anyways, it went really well! I found myself feeling really sad at the end of the week when it was over. When I took my camp shirt off after getting home, I took a look at all the signatures from the children and my classmates. I noticed a comment written by a 10 year old girl that I spent a lot of time with and I began to cry. Its just the sweetest thing ever!


Over the weekend, I did a lot of relaxing, but I also got to go out and enjoy myself a bit. I went to the farm market, Wal-mart, the dollar store, and Pizza Hut. I didn't get anything at the farm market, but I purchased over half my groceries at Wal-mart (its super cheap), got a cute sign for my bedroom at the dollar store, and ate garlic fingers at Pizza Hut (plus took home a mini veggie pizza for later). My favorite part of the weekend was eating my veggie pizza and watching That '70s Show in bed.


I heard two big pieces of news in the past week relating to things I'm a fan of. The first one is that Supernatural, my favorite show, is ending. Season 15 is their final season. Part of me is really sad, but I also feel like its time. The show has run out of story lines in my opinion. I will miss it so much and I can't wait to see what Jared and Jensen will do next, but for now, I have one more season to look forward to! I also need to begin re-watching all the seasons sometime soon. Its been a while!

The other piece of news is that Shane Dawson and Ryland Adams (my favorite YouTubers) are now engaged! Shane proposed to Ryland on their three year anniversary. I'm so happy for them! I can't wait to hear more details about it when they release a video. Now I'm just waiting for Jeffree Star and his boyfriend Nathan Schwandt to get engaged! Also, my best friend Kara told me that she is going to buy Jeffree's Blood Sugar eye shadow palette for me as a graduation gift!

Currently, I have a week off from school. Since we had to do a March Break Camp, we were given this week off instead to make up for it. So far, I've been doing homework, watching Netflix, and I made a big pot of spicy vegetarian chili! Tomorrow I have a therapy appointment, then I'm meeting my dad for dinner to give his birthday gift to him. I will also likely go to the book store too. In a couple days, I'm going to visit my boyfriend until Sunday afternoon. When I'm there, I will also be working on my quilt with his mom, doing more homework, and doing some volunteer work for school. I'll also fit some fun activities in there too.


Now I'm gonna go and enjoy the rest of my day. I hope everyone is doing well!

I've been very busy...

♪♫ Everything - Michael Buble

Wow... this time of year is so busy! I have a lot to talk about! First of all, nothing happened on Tuesday. I just rested my back (I strained it over the weekend). But on Wednesday, I completed the First Aid course! My school offered it for free for anyone who wanted to take it. I figured that its important to have, so I signed up. It was only one day, but we were there from 9:30 am till 3:30 pm. I learned a lot of new things that I don't remember learning last time I took the course. I'm just waiting for my certificate, which I think I'm getting next Wednesday. Feels good to know what to do in a crisis!

After the First Aid course, I did some shopping and got the rest of the stuff for the package. I got a coloring book, crayons, and a puzzle for Bentley's birthday. And I got lots of candy for everyone to share! All I have to do now is wrap up the box, then mail it out on the 11th. Oh, and in the evening, I finished my Christmas shopping completely! We went to Sears, and my grandmother picked out a sweater, and two pairs of socks. I wrapped them up before heading to bed. So I have no more Christmas gift related stuff to do! It feels so good to be finished!


Yesterday evening was Brownie night. We took them to a senior's home to do some caroling and give out Christmas cards (they decorated them at camp). It was so heart warming. I had to stop myself from tearing up. One woman in a wheelchair was waiting by the door when we came in. She looked so excited. And as soon as she could, she began telling us about how she was a Brownie leader when she was young. It was so interesting to hear that! She said that she tried to find the pictures of her Brownie days, but she just moved in there recently and was still not organized yet. I had to hold back tears so many times... I'm actually considering volunteering there one day a week in the new year. They're really under staffed, sadly.

Before the girls went home, two of them gave the leaders each a little gift. One was a bag of treats, and the other was a can of peanut brittle. Its so sweet when they give us gifts! It makes me feel like I'm doing a good job...


Today I had some running around to do in the late morning/early afternoon. I had a bit of free time between doing things at one point, so I went into a comic book shop, and I ended up buying a little Ravenclaw button (Ravenclaw pride!). And after getting home, I got my new phone (the one that I ordered on Black Friday) set up and ready to go! Its so much better than my old one! I also took my first selfie with my new phone! I'm enjoying it a lot...


I went with my cousin to her staff Christmas party earlier this evening. We basically just stayed for dinner, a couple of drinks, and chatted a bit. We left before the dancing began. I got to meet some of her coworkers, including her boss, who is a super nice guy! He bought both of us a drink, actually. I also met some of the coworkers from my cousin's stories. Y'know... the ones who are annoying in one way or another. But anyways, it was a good time!


I'm completely exhausted, so I'm gonna head to bed now. Goodnight!

Brownie camp was a blast!

♪♫ Starman - David Bowie

I'm back from Brownie camp! It was a blast! It began on Friday. The leaders had to be there early to set up, then the girls arrived at 7pm, and the fun began! We did crafts mostly, then had a snack and watched The Muppet Christmas Carol (my idea of course). Saturday was exhausting. We did crafts mostly again, but there was also a hike, singing, dancing, a gift exchange, etc. And we just had breakfast on Sunday, then got them to do two little crafts until their parents came to get them. Everything went really well! We did have a couple girls go in time out a few times, but it wasn't anything we couldn't handle. Oh, and the food was amazing! We had homemade waffles that were to die for! I need to get that recipe! Anyways, I cannot wait until our summer camp!


I accidentally got my finger in the way of the picture, but this is what the camp looked like.


The name of the camp!


View of the mail hall part one.


View of the main hall part two.


My bed for the weekend!
I got some cute stuff to take home too! I got a penguin pillow, a mug signed by everyone that attended camp, a little gingerbread man that I decorated, and a bag of magic Santa dust that was given to me by one of the girls. The penguin pillow was by far the most popular craft. The girls went wild over them!


My penguin pillow!


The other items that I got!
I got home around noon on Sunday, and I was exhausted. I was constantly on the go all weekend, and had very little sleep. But apparently that didn't slow me down at all, because I wrapped gifts not long after getting home. I got most of the package for Kara/BJ/Bentley/Ava done! I just need to go to the dollar store to get some candy, and maybe a coloring book with crayons to fill the empty space. I'm gonna mail it on December 11th, hopefully. Oh, and I checked my design shop and found out that I made about $200 from Black Friday sales!


This is how it looks so far!
After all that, I had a long bath/shower, put on Seinfeld, and had dinner (pizza and chocolate milk). I fell asleep pretty quickly too. I'm still sore from camp, so I'm gonna spend the rest of my day in bed. I'll start being productive again tomorrow. That's all for now!

her heart is gently pounding

♪♫ Do Ya Think I'm Sexy - Rod Stewart

Well, its time for my lazy ass to write another blog. Blah. Okay, okay, okay...I'll begin with Wednesday; my day started off by receiving a package. It was a Frank (Donnie Darko) action figure! So perfect! Matt went to Peer after that...for most of the day. I got his mum to drive me to Subway and back home. I pretty much just watched Supernatural. Oh and I was supposed to hangout with Kara and BJ, but I had no way to BJ's house. Ugh. I miss them. :(


On Thursday, I got quite a bit of stuff in the mail; a card from my grandmother (with $20 & a letter), an Eowyn action figure, and a mini '67 Chevy Impala model. So happy with everything! After all the excitement, I sent Matt to get us chili, some junk food, and a couple things we needed (with the $20). We decided to clean after our eating binge. I thought it would be nice for his mom to have a break (considering that her grandfather passed away - rest in peace!). She was quite happy. And nothing else occurred...except for watching more Supernatural. xD


Today I got two more things in the mail; a belated Valentine from Kaedan (Robyn's son), and the modem + equipment for the internet! I set it all up, but its not working. So a technician is coming tomorrow to fix it. I'm so excited! Anyways, I did some cleaning, made dinner, then Matt and I walked to the mall. I had to buy him a phone card (since I used all the money on his phone). I downloaded the new episode of Pretty Little Liars, plus I ordered Cry_Wolf on DVD for cheap. We got Subway before getting a taxi home (it was freezing outside). Now we're gonna end our night by watching Pretty Little Liars and eating Subway. Yay. :D

in the great celestial hall

♪♫ The Littlest Angel - Aselin Debison

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist and therapist yesterday. But the weather was completely awful, so I had to get a taxi there. And luckily no one else was really there, so I got in quickly. The talk went well with both of them. I'm feeling more positive. The only bad thing is; my medication dosage was increased for Prozac. I'm sick of having to take more pills! Its a pain in the ass. -_-

I went into the mall after that and waited for Matt. When he finally arrived, I did some shopping. I ended up buying a 16gb memory card for my phone that was half price ($20 instead of $40)! Now I can put all my music on my phone! I also bought cards, chocolates and a gift card. Plus one or two treats for myself. Anyways, his mum picked us up and took me to the bus station to get my ticket for Halifax. I told them I was a student to get a discount. It worked, but apparently I need to bring my student ID to get on the bus. I don't know how I'm gonna work around that. I'm kinda paranoid now. She also took me to the service Canada building so that I could take care of some business. Which only took a minute. Then she dropped Matt and I off at home. We cuddled, pigged out, watched movies, and...did other things, LOL. It was a lovely day. I also got a cute picture of him and three cute pictures of us. :3


Today was an extremely busy day. I woke up late, so I had to pack all my stuff really fast. Then Matt's mom picked Matt and I up and took us to the grocery store/pharmacy, so that I could buy food for my trip and put my prescription in. But they said it would take forty minutes for my prescription. And she was only on her lunch break...so I had to go to my mum's and made plans to get the prescription later in the day. Which I figured would be a huge pain in the ass. But his mum offered to drive me again. Thankfully. :P

While I was at my mum's; I packed all my stuff for the trip and used the internet. I also ended up selling my old phone to my mum for $10. Which is kind of a rip off for me. I would rather $25, but oh well...at least I sold it. I also gave her my old 2gb memory card. Then Matt's mom picked me up around 8:00 pm and took me to pick up my prescription. But we stopped at a few stores first and I got my Christmas shopping done...finally! :P

I wasn't able to get my prescription. Apparently my insurance has been cut off. I thought it took a month to stop working. But apparently it happens right away. They wanted me to pay almost $200 for it, which I couldn't afford. I tried using my mum's insurance, but I'm not on it anymore because I'm too old. So I had to leave without my medication. I was so angry. Ugh. And I was late to meet up with Robyn, Deric and little man at Tim Horton's (I haven't seen her in a long time - she lives in Ontario now). Matt's mum gave me $5 to spend, which was very nice of her. ;D

I made it there a bit late, but at least I made it. And I had a pretty great time with everyone. Matt eventually showed up to meet everyone, but he was quiet as usual. But anyways, I'm glad I finally got to meet little man. Even though he stared at me for almost the entire time and he gave the finger in the picture of us that Robyn took, LOL. What a silly little guy. I hope I get to see them all again soon!


Matt and I headed home after that. His parents arrived not long after we did. So I wrapped all the presents I bought, decorated them, and arranged them on the table in the kitchen for everyone to see in the morning. I hope they all like their presents and cards! Now I'm ending my night with Turtles and Tales From The Crypt with Matt and his mum. I gotta have a shower soon, then I'm off to bed. I gotta wake up early tomorrow morning to get the bus! :)

it's controlling my mind

♪♫ Evolution - Korn

Well, Tuesday was a pretty...interesting day. I actually woke up early and got ready in time to be picked up by Kat and Adam (to go to Alice's first birthday!). My boyfriend was also in the car. It was a little awkward because I was still mad at him, so I kept pushing him away from me. Anyways, we went to the mall and got Alice's birthday cake. I'm kinda jealous because it was an ice cream cake and they are my favorite. My boyfriend and I got some ice cream while we waited for the slack people at Dairy Queen to write "Happy birthday Alice" on the cake.

We stopped for cigarettes after leaving the mall, then headed to the party (being held at Kat's brother's house). We were a few hours early, because apparently we were the decorating/preparation crew. All I did was blow up the balloons. My boyfriend helped with cooking (& Kat's dad kept calling him his 'cook'). I don't know what everyone else did. I kept avoiding my boyfriend. I felt bad, but I didn't wanna be around him. Oh and there was a pretty hilarious silly string war. I wasn't involved, but it was fun to watch. Kat got it the worst, haha.


I don't remember exactly what time it was, but Kat's aunt brought Alice to her party. She looked so cute! Pretty much everyone had shown up at that point (except for Kat's mom, who was late). I was kinda awkward and just stood around. I was too distracted by my frustration, caused by my boyfriend. It felt like I wasn't even there most of the time. I was off in my own world.

Kat's mom finally showed up and the food was prepared not long after that. There were tons of burgers, hot dogs, steak, fries, chips, etc. I didn't eat anything though. My frustration turned into depression and I don't eat when I'm depressed. I really wanted to go home and sleep. Even though...I really did miss Kat's family. I used to live with her and I got to know most of them. They became like a second family to me. And my fuck...a lot of them have grown up so much. Especially her niece. I think she was twelve when I last seen her. Now she is fifteen. Rebelling against her parents by; smoking weed, smoking cigarettes, drinking, not going to school, etc. But hell...I did all that shit when I was fourteen. I can't say anything.

My boyfriend and I went outside to talk about our problems after almost everyone was finished eating. The conversation didn't really go anywhere. We couldn't think of a solution. I kept trying to get him to admit that we had no passion or sexual chemistry, but he denied it. He kept saying that we just had to do it and it would be fine. But that sounds very forced to me. I think those things come naturally and I wouldn't have to wait this long if they were present in our relationship. Ugh.

We went back inside for singing "happy birthday" to Alice and watching her blow out the candle on her cake (her aunt actually blew it out - because Alice is only a year old). She actually had two cakes. One was an ice cream cake and one was a pound cake. So they decided to give everyone a piece of both. Yum! I actually decided to eat at that point. Its hard to say no to cake. But my stupid plastic fork kept breaking and the pieces of plastic would get stick inside the cake. Why is my luck so shitty!?

They started opening Alice's birthday presents not long after that. She got so much stuff! She even got her own tablet for games and watching cartoons! That is nuts! What a spoiled little cutiepie. My boyfriend and I got her a card and a $25 gift card for Toys R Us (which was apparently used to buy her a baby couch). I kept trying to get a picture of her, but she moves her head so quickly. I only got one that turned out alright. She isn't facing the camera, but oh well. Her aunt Missy is on the left and her mother Kat is on the right...


Alice started getting really tired and cranky after that, so people began cleaning up and heading out. I was supposed to get a drive back with Kat and Adam, but they had too many things to fit in the car. So Kat got her mom to agree to drive my boyfriend and I. We said our goodbyes to everyone first though. Then we got her to drop us off at Wal-Mart (which is apparently a 'super centre' now), because I needed a Xbox 360 controller (since my boyfriend didn't give me one with the Xbox 360 he gave me). I got the controller, but I also got a Halloween music CD, Grand Theft Auto IV and a bag of cheesies. Wooo! I wanted to get The Goonies on DVD, but it was only on Blu-Ray. Ahhh. -_-


Most of my frustration and depression went away after that. I let him kiss me and hold my hand. And I felt sparks from the kiss. But I don't understand why he doesn't kiss me like that all the time. That is what I want. If he continues doing that, I'll be happy. If not, we'll have a serious problem.

Anyways, we went to the grocery store afterwards. I got Tostitos and cheese dip, fuck yeah! Then we caught a bus to go uptown (where I live). On our way to my house, we stopped at Julius and I got some chili to take home for dinner. Yay! His mom came and picked him up not long after that. There was barely a shred of negative feelings towards him by the end of the night. I'm still waiting for more passion though. But yeah...my night ended pretty greatly. I munched out and watched TV until I passed out (which took a while...).

Today I woke up late, got some left over pizza for breakfast and went to the bank for my appointment (for a tax free savings account). It went well. I headed to the bus stop after that and I ended up running into Kaley. We talked for twenty minutes. She reminded me that we met at Jordon's funeral and that on the 11th (I can't remember which month - either June or July), it will be our five year anniversary, haha.

I caught a bus before I could finish my conversation with her. It showed up early. And it was packed with high school kids. I forgot that school was back. Ugh. But I made it to my boyfriend's house anyways. We had a couple smokes with his mom, then she drove us to the mall. He had to get some school supplies at his work, which didn't take long. Then we looked around a few stores. Nothing too interesting though.

We headed to the plaza after that. We went into the dollar store, because I just love looking at their Halloween stuff. Its not all in yet, but I always buy a few things every year. Halloween is definitely my favorite holiday. I've got a lot planned for this year. I wanna dress up as Alex Delarge from A Clockwork Orange, bake Halloween cupcakes, have a horror movie marathon, get drunk and lots more! Also, I seen something that made me laugh a bit. A box on top of a shelf in the dollar store that said "severed arms", haha. I'm so morbid...


I had to get groceries afterwards. I ended up spending all my money and now I have $1.40 left. I was supposed to have $25 left. Oh well. I'll manage somehow. At least I got lots of yummy food! And my boyfriend's mom picked us up, so I didn't have to drag everything onto a bus. She stopped at the Subway near my house so that my boyfriend and I could get something to eat. I got a breakfast sandwich again. They are sooo addicting! But since she was waiting for us, we got our food to go. We finally got to my house and my boyfriend helped me bring my groceries up the stairs, then kissed me goodbye.

I relaxed for a while after I unpacked my groceries and put them away. Then I tried testing out my Xbox 360. It works great! Except the cord is all fucked up and I need a new one. So my boyfriend is gonna pick one up for me. Yay! I hope nothing else goes wrong. I really wanna play my Xbox 360! I'm tired of waiting! Ahhhh. :(

I cleaned and organized my room after giving up on the Xbox 360. It took so long and I was beyond exhausted by the end of it. But it looks great now. I'm very happy with it. Now I'm just gonna relax and watch TV in bed. Maybe have a snack.

Happy birthday Jordon!
You aren't with us anymore. But today would have been your birthday. I miss you so much. Rest in peace. ♥

do you need anybody?

♪♫ With A Little Help From My Friends - The Beatles

I completely failed to clean my room on Sunday. Instead, I ended up watching movies and making mac 'n cheese. Sundays always make me feel so lazy. I also did some more planning for my future. I'm feeling so great about it. I can't wait to (hopefully) save up $5000, get an apartment, lose weight and get my GED. Those are my goals for the next two years. I also want to dye my hair either red or black, get a tattoo and make more friends. But those things are a little less important right now. I'm focusing on saving up money and waiting for housing to call me with an available apartment. Next month I should have $750 saved up already if all goes well! :D

I finally got off my ass and cleaned my room on Monday. I also spent all day watching Dr. Phil for some reason. I found one episode on YouTube, then I couldn't stop watching it. It played in the background while I cleaned. My favorite episode was one called House of Hatred. It kept me up pretty late. I've had a hard time with my sleeping for the past little while. Its so frustrating. Melatonin knocks me out, but I don't wanna take it every night. Oh and I also received two packages in the mail: Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? (book) and the Evenstar necklace (Lord of the Rings replica).


Tuesday was an awesome day. It started out really boring and I was feeling kinda depressed because it was beautiful outside and I was stuck inside. But my friend Kat called and asked me to hangout with her, her daughter Allie, Garnet and Shayne. So she picked me up and we drove around for a bit. We got some Tim Horton's. I tried their Lemonade slushie-type-things for the first time. I don't know the actual name of them, but it was delicious. After that, we drove to the Irving Nature Park, but we got stuck in traffic on our way there, so we had some pretty hilarious conversations. When we finally got there, it got really windy. But the park was beautiful and we had a lovely walk. Before it got dark, Kat drove the guys home, then drove me home. It felt good to get out and have some fun. My mom also made chili and bought me chocolate chip cookies, so I had that when I got home. :3


I had a pretty interesting dream that night. In the dream, I was Conan O'Brien's assistant and I was in love with him, but he didn't notice at all. His wife had left him and he turned into an alcoholic. So I quit my job and gave myself a makeover. Then he found me and said he couldn't do it without me and he needed me. Then I told him that I loved him and he was hurting me by ignoring my feelings and he told me that he loved me too and we kissed. Basically just a quick summary. And I don't give a fuck; I think Conan is hot as fuck.

Yesterday was also quite eventful. I was supposed to have a dentist appointment, but I had to cancel because my insurance doesn't cover it. But I still had my appointment with my therapist. I always feel so cranky after seeing my therapist, because I talk about stuff that I don't wanna talk about. So I went to see my boyfriend and discussed some things that were upsetting me. We were both hungry and he didn't have much food at his house, so we went out for supper. And since we were at the mall, we also looked around. I got a lot of ideas at Wal-Mart for when I move out. I didn't realize how cheap some things are. We also stopped by his work so that he could bug his friend who just started working there and he also wanted to buy me a collectible Hobbit coin. Its pretty awesome. I also found out that they are trying to order Doctor Who stamps and my boyfriend is gonna buy a set for me once they come in. ^_^


When we got back to his house, Kara wanted to meet up with us for a smoke and a walk. We had a very interesting conversation. I realized how much I dislike someone that I'm friends with. Overall, it was a great time and I wish I could see Kara more often. Maybe my apartment will be close to where she lives? I can only hope. My boyfriend's mom drove me home pretty early. It wasn't even 10:00 pm. But I got to relax at home with more chili and chocolate chip cookies before falling asleep.

Today has been boring so far. I was supposed to go to dinner at a friend's house, but I couldn't make it. So I've just been watching TV, listening to music and watching random videos on YouTube. My deathly hallows necklace arrived (its so cute!), along with my disability check. I'm getting it cashed tomorrow and getting groceries and other things I need, like a bus pass. I'm actually quite excited. :D

hope you find your paradise

♪♫ Goodbye Stranger - Supertramp

Fuck, I'm terrible at blogging. I keep putting it off, then having to write a huge blog that takes forever. Okay, so here I go...

Only a few minutes after my last blog, my friend Marcus invited me over to hangout for the night, since Megan was going drinking with her girlfriends. So I quickly got ready and rushed over. I vaguely remember that night, but I remember that I had the hiccups and I played a lot of Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City. I also watched My Bloody Valentine after Marcus went to bed. I've seen it before, but I forgot what happened. Not the best movie, in all honesty. I woke up in the morning to Marcus singing Bob Marley songs really loudly. Then I had to head out quickly, because his drive showed up to bring him to some party or something. I pretty much spent the rest of the day playing Super Mario World.

Oh and I got a retarded message from my ex (we didn't technically date, just a few weeks of fun). He accused me of spreading lies about his baby's mother and having no life. But I'm friends with her and I've never said anything bad. She believes me, because he is known for lying and manipulating people. I fucking hate him so much. He is a complete piece of shit who fucked me over and a lot of my friends too. I wish he would fuck off and stop trying to contact me. I stopped being friends with him several months ago.


Monday was somewhat fun. My boyfriend came over and we stopped outside my house for a cigarette and the mailman came up and asked if I was Deidre -Blank- and I said yes, so he handed me four packages. I opened them all on my front stairs and I loved everything, except for the Evenstar Necklace. It was missing a jewel, so I gave it to my boyfriend. So yeah, I got two cat headphone plugs, an Elven brooch and red crushed velvet leggings. After that, my boyfriend helped me pick up a bunch of stuff I needed to get, including a bus card, prescriptions, Melatonin tablets, etc. Then we bought Ben & Jerry's ice cream and played Super Mario World for the rest of the evening. Oh plus I watched Bates Motel. I'm so sad there is only a few episodes left.


Tuesday was a fun day for me. I had a dream that I drank two vanilla milkshakes, so when I woke up, I was craving one. My mom sent me out to get a couple things for her, so I stopped by McDonald's for the milkshake and bought Subway for lunch. Then I went home and played Super Mario World, while watching Doctor Who. I'm pretty sure that is my new favorite activity. Its just so much fun! In the evening, I bought a poutine and slice of pizza, and watched The Lords of Salem. I didn't like it, honestly. Quite disappointed. :(

On Wednesday, my mom took me to Jeremiah's for lunch, which was amazing. Then we looked around the market for a little while. We found a Charles Dickens book that is approximately over a hundred years old, so we bought it. I love old books. But yeah...I had to rush home really fast to shower and get ready.

I went to see my best friend Kara, my godson Bentley and my boyfriend. I met up with them at the mall and they told me they just had vanilla milkshakes at McDonald's and I was a little annoyed that they didn't wait for me, but Kara saved me half of her milkshake, which was nice. We went into the mall to buy a few things, including a fake mustache, which we all took turns wearing and took pictures of it. We waited for a bus for a little while and talked about whats new. Bentley is getting so big now. He can somewhat talk and walk pretty well. I didn't get to see the walking though, because he was in the stroller.

My boyfriend and I went to his house after we walked Kara home from the bus stop. We were really bored, so we played Saints Row: The Third, made homemade vanilla milkshakes and played Trivial Pursuit. Playing Trivial Pursuit was the best, even though I lost. My boyfriend's winning answer was "Adam West", so fuck you Adam West.


I went to hangout with Marcus again on Thursday and he gave me half of the Super Nintendo games he told me he is gonna give me. I got Doom, Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest and Mortal Kombat. I'm just waiting for Super Mario: All-Stars, Legend of Zelda: A Link To The Past and Bomberman. Other than that, we spent most of the day playing Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City as usual and talking about random stuff. When I got home, there was a pile of packages waiting for me. Its pretty much the rest of the stuff I've been expecting for a couple weeks, minus one thing. I'm really pissed off that the second Evenstar necklace I ordered was also broken. I'm trying to get a refund right now. But other than that, I love everything else!


I woke up yesterday with terrible heart palpitations. I could barely move for two hours and I was really worried. But they went away, thankfully. My money went through to my PayPal account, so I ordered four more things: an Eraserhead shirt, a black and white checkered sweater, a black and white chevron top and another Evenstar necklace (from another seller with higher ratings). I'm focusing on buying clothes right now, because I'm trying to save up and move out on my own and I won't be able to buy many clothes when I'm paying bills.

I was supposed to go to a party, but I blew it off to hangout with Megan and Marcus. I pretty much played Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City until my boyfriend showed up after work. Marcus and him were supposed to get drunk, but they didn't drink a whole lot. Megan and Marcus passed out really early, so my boyfriend and I just played GTA, ate junk food, smoked and talked. He was really tired, so we both cabbed home at 2:30 am. I got dropped off at Subway, because I was hungry. I soon realized it was a horrible idea. It was packed full of drunk people. A drunk guy came up to me and started hitting on me and making me uncomfortable. Then his friends called him back over and he left. A fight almost broke out too, because one guy was hitting on another guy's sister. I felt like I was gonna have a panic attack the whole time, but I made it through and got my sub. When I got home, I poured a large glass of milk to go with my sub and watched Conan. I tried to start watching The Green Hornet, but I fell asleep.


I had a pretty crazy dream last night. In my dream, I was a girl named Rachel who lived with four other girls, a mom named Jackie and five little children. The mom adopted all the children, except a girl named Melanie. And I was best friends with all the older girls. My name was Rachel and I went to a high school that was pretty fancy. Thats where I met "Dom", who is Dominic Monaghan (an actor), who is a rich kid dating a blonde supermodel named Amanada, who wants to be a musician. And he also lived in the building across from me. Thats where I met David (Nestor Carbonell), an overly religious man with a controlling personality. I fall for them both and they both fall for me, but of course there is complications. David leaves for Europe for a year and Dom moves away. But they both come back for the beginning of my senior year at high school. David is 26, so he doesn't go to school, but I see him moving back into his apartment. I see Dom in the cafeteria. Amanada broke up with him to date supermodel guys and she also shows up. An awkward look between the three of us happens, then we all part ways. Dom tries to ignore Amanda and her superficial bitchiness, but she shows up at his house and he agrees to take her back. Meanwhile, I go to visit David. Its pouring rain outside and when I walk inside his apartment, he looks upset. He shows me a picture of me and him with writing on it, basically saying I love him, which is something I tried to hide from him. We never used the L word, so he was acting odd. Then he got a phone call and ran off. I run into Dom on the stairs on my way out and he says it was nice seeing me. A little while later I get drunk with my best friends and my adopted mom Jackie (she is pretty much like the mom from Mean Girls, except with black hair and darker skin). I get a call from David and he asks me to come over, so I head over to his place. We end up having sex, then he starts acting like a complete asshole. Starts hitting me and telling me I have to listen to him. So I get up and run out the door and run directly into Dom who just broke up with Amanda. He doesn't ask me whats wrong, he just holds me in the lobby of the apartment building. Then we go into his apartment and we talk for a while. I tell him what happened and he tells me what I deserve better. We almost kiss, but then I leave because I don't wanna get hurt again. The next day I give myself a makeover. I dye my hair black, cut it shorter and get a sexy outfit. I show up at school and Dom sees me. He walks up to me and tells me he wants to be with me and kisses me in front of Amanda. I agree and we walk away holding hands. I rushed writing this, so its not very good, I know. But thats basically what happened.

Not sure what I'm gonna do today. My boyfriend is supposed to come over later, so I may get him to help me pick up groceries. Other than that, I'm thinking about playing more Super Mario World and watching more Doctor Who. :)

the shackles for your chains

♪♫ Gold Watch Blues - Donovan

So after writing my last blog, I went to school and hungout with my friend Matt at Tim Horton's. I had a yummy bagel. But yeah...some idiot broke a window across the street and got arrested. It made for some interesting entertainment. I went home around 10:00 pm, because I was so tired. Plus I was feeling depressed. I don't know why, but for a week now, I've been really depressed for no reason. I think its a side effect of the antibiotics I'm taking. :(

When I got home, I ended up watching the American election. I enjoy politics, mostly when they are being made fun of by Stephen Colbert or Jon Stewart. But yeah, it was interesting. I'm not a big fan of Romney or Obama. But Obama is the lesser of two evils. So I guess it went well. Lots of other exciting things happened for American's as well: marijuana legalized for recreational use in a few states, gay marriage legalized in a few states, misogynist douchebags getting kicked out of their seats by women...congrats America!

The next day, I started going crazy from being home for too long. So I got ready and went to see Megan. We had a great time, laughing at kid's shows and talking about True Blood. It distracted me from my depression a little bit. Then BJ showed up and made me feel a lot better. He is the sweetest man ever, I'm so lucky. ♥

I ended up having a really strange dream that night: I lived with the cast of That's So Raven, minus the mom. The dad was a stoner, Cory was retarded, Chelsea was a hooker and Raven talked like a stereotypical black chick. All of my friends were helping me decorate my room and for some reason it was painted hot pink. I also had a wall covered in pictures of everyone I know wearing a Santa costume. Then I left to go to the bank and a giant man chased me, trying to pop my head off with his giant thumbs. I ran into the bank and then he destroyed it with his thumb, so I ran out the back exit and decided to steal a car, but first I bought a joint from a homeless man for three dollars.

I had school on Thursday, so I left Megan's early and went home to eat and get ready. I also watched the new episode of Supernatural, which reminds me...the new season sucks whale dick. Its horrible. I hate it. I'm a huge fan of the show. But I don't like the new season. Spoiler: Bobby is gone, they threw in a new bitch named Ameila that Sam dated and Cas isn't back yet. So it sucks. :(

BJ met up with me after school. We walked around for a bit, ran into an old friend, had a good talk, then went to Subway. He had to catch a bus, so we went to the nearest bus stop. While we were waiting, some crazy drunk guy came up to us. He was hitting on me and looking at me creepily. I was really uncomfortable. The guy also asked me and BJ to "boot fuck Tracy and her boyfriend for rolling papers". So when he turned around, I mouthed the words "walk me home" to BJ. He nodded in agreement and we left.

On our way to my house, we heard some guy screaming like he was gonna kill someone. He was yelling every swear word possible at the top of his lungs. Turns out he was kinda far away, he was just yelling so loud that we could hear it clearly from a distance. It also turns out that he was drunk and yelling to himself. No one else was around. So I've decided that people are insane at night and I'm not leaving my house when it gets dark.

Yesterday was lovely. I woke up, had a shower, went with my mom to the dollar store (she bought me a few things), KFC (got a three piece chicken meal) and went to the grocery store. When we got home, I rushed getting ready and met BJ at the mall. We were supposed to go to Wendy's, but we went to the Coffee Mill instead (I had a yummy poutine and vanilla milkshake!). I had a bad moment near the end of the meal. I started having bad anxiety and had to leave the mall.

After I calmed down, we got the bus to his house. We hungout in his room, watched stuff online, ate junk food, cuddled and kissed. It was cute. ♥

I didn't feel good, so his mom drove me home around 12:00 am. When I got home, I had some cake and decided to do something I haven't done in a long time; read My Immortal. If you don't know what it is, its the worst fan fiction ever written. Its somewhat internet famous. Supposed to be a Harry Potter fan fiction, but butchers everything and its absolutely hilarious. Especially when you listen to the dramatic reading and read along. It takes a few hours out of your day, but its so worth it. My boyfriend did it, and he laughed so hard that he cried. :')

if you want to read it, here you go!
Click here to listen to the dramatic reading | Click here to read along
I had another fucked up dream last night: I had a very strange dream about my boyfriend last night. We were hanging out, then a witch named Avalon sent me back in time to when my boyfriend was fourteen. And I was fourteen too. So I was hanging out with my friends from back then, in some strange house. Smoking cigarettes and weed (that's when I started). The first guy I ever dated was there. And he said that his friend was coming over…it was my current boyfriend. He walked in and it bothered me that he didn't notice me, then I remembered that he was fourteen and didn't even know me yet. So I awkwardly introduced myself. Everyone sat on a couch and started playing Mario. Not sure what game, I was too distracted. I was sitting right next to my boyfriend. He was really shy and awkward, in a cute way. I wanted so badly to hug him or kiss him or tell him that I love him, but I couldn't. So I got up and ran to the bathroom crying. I looked in the mirror and mascara was running down my face. Then I turned around and he was standing there. He asked me if I was alright. I said no. Then I started making no sense, going on and on about time travel and a witch named Avalon. I decided not to say anything else, so I left the bathroom. Later on, for some reason, I needed his help setting up my new bed. Once it was all finished, he jumped on it and layed down to test it out. Then I jumped on the bed too. I lifted one arm to put it around him, but I stopped myself and got off the bed. Then I looked down, feeling sad, so he asked me what was wrong. I said nothing and left. Then I ended up in front of a haunted house. Not a real one. One of those ones you pay to get in to. So the witch appeared and told me I needed to get through the haunted house to be able to go back and see my boyfriend again. Not the fourteen year old version of him, but the current one. So I went inside. It wasn't a bunch of tricks and special effects, I immediately knew it was real. Every kind of supernatural creature was there. And they were all chasing me. I learned pretty quickly by kicking The Creature From The Black Lagoon in the head, that their brains fall out very quickly. Biggest weakness. So I started kicking them all in the head. I got all of them and a door appeared for me to escape. I was back outside. And my boyfriend was there. He told me that he dreamed of meeting me when he was fourteen. I told him that it wasn't a dream, it was a memory. He believed me, and we kissed. That's pretty much the end of it.

I haven't done anything interesting today. Just the usual stuff I do: watch TV, eat junk food, have a shower, talk to my mom and bug my cat. In about an hour, I'm pretty sure that BJ is coming over for a little while. I'm excited! ♥

Edit (November 11th @ 4:33 pm): I have to post this picture. I look so adorable! :3