every river that I tried to cross

♪♫ Lost! - Coldplay

I finally have gotten around to writing another blog... and it wasn't several months later! Yay!

Well, I did it... I splurged for the LOST Temple set on DVD! I bid on an auction on eBay and didn't win, which made me really sad. I've been trying to get it for so long. I ended up sending a lowball offer to one of the listing I was watching and surprisingly it worked and I got it! It just arrived a couple weeks ago, and I tested all the discs to make sure they worked (they do). The set is in great condition. The novelty items weren't even opened! It looks like the person who owned it must have only watched it a bit and didn't bother with any of the bonuses. Some of the discs did have some superficial scratches (which is why I tested them), but 3/4 were completely scratch-less. I am so excited!

Speaking of LOST items... I also recieved the three LOST novels that I ordered, which were all in perfect condition. Yay! Also... I ordered the LOST: Messages from the Island book, which is a compilation of the best parts of LOST: The Official Magazine, which ended in 2010. It arrived last week, and its also in great condition. I'm having some good luck finding items for decent prices lately!

Truthfully, I have been a bit depressed lately. I have been struggling with my weight and health. I love sugary foods, and cutting them out of my diet has been hard. Overall, I am down 40lbs from my highest weight, but I have 65lbs to go, and it has been a major struggle. Now that I'm in my 30s, I have noticed that weight loss is much more difficult. I heard before that weight loss becomes more challenging with age, but I guess I thought I had more time before that would impact me. Before anyone says it: yes, I have been tracking calories. I use minimal oils/fats when cooking, and I don't drink my calories! I am hoping to be down to at least 185lbs by October, because I have some clothes that are 1-2 sizes too small that I would love to wear on my Europe trip.

Aside from weight loss struggles, I am also having digestive issues. They are slowly improving, but it has become clear due to multiple rounds of eliminating foods for a couple weeks at a time, that I am lactose intolerant. I initially thought it could be gluten, so I cut that out of my diet completely and strictly for two weeks, but felt no different at all. When I removed dairy? My digestive system worked amazingly for two weeks. I find it hard to give up dairy though... I love cheese! I will say that hard cheeses, like cheddar, don't upset my stomach too much in smaller doses (I guess hard cheese is naturally much lower in lactose), but I also love Greek yogurt, sour cream, the occassional ice cream... thankfully I switched to lactose-free Greek yogurt with no issue, but I haven't found any lactose-free sour cream or ice cream that tastes good. However, I purchased Lactaid pills last week, and so far they've been helping for when I eat dairy with lactose!

Another digestive issue I am facing is the massive increase in fiber that is now in my diet. My body wasn't used to eating so much produce, so its been causing discomfort. I am hoping that issue goes away soon! Thankfully I love veggies, and I used to be vegan and vegetarian, so I know how to make delicious meals with veggies. My issue, truly, is that I just love food in general... Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that at least my enjoyment of the meals is keeping me powering through the discomfort. If I hated veggies and was feeling discomfort, this would be so much more difficult.

When it comes to meals I have been making and eating, here are the main ones:
» Fruit smoothie for breakfast with oat milk, high protein Greek yogurt, honey, and a small amount of protein powder. I alternative between the banana/strawberries/blueberry combo and the banana/strawberries/peaches/mango combo.
» Overnight oats made with oat milk, chia seeds, ground flax seed, cocoa powder, dark chocolate chips, cinnamon, honey, and topped with almonds and banana slices.
» Ground turkey taco salad with a big pile of mixed baby greens, tomato, guacamole, salsa, black beans, sour cream, shredded cheese, some organic tortilla chips, and taco seasoning for the meat.
» Homemade ground turkey chili with green pepper, onion, garlic, shredded carrot, kidney beans, diced tomato, tomato sauce, and seasonings.
» African chicken peanut stew with basmati rice, made using sugar-free peanut butter, tomato sauce, red bell pepper, onion, and seasonings. The chicken is skin-on/bone-in chicken thighs, but I never like eating chicken skin, so I save calories by not eating that part.
» Beef stew made with double the carrots called for in the recipe, baby potatoes, onions, garlic, and seasonings.
» Hummus plate, made with roasted red pepper hummus, carrot sticks, sliced bell pepper, cucumber slices, a bit of low fat feta cheese, and sliced up pita bread. The veggies are 2/3 of the meal.
» Ground turkey stuffed bell peppers, with rice, some shredded cheese, and seasonings.
» Low fat chicken/sausage gumbo. I use 1/2 the sausage the recipe calls for and extra chicken to make up for it. I also use 1/2 the oil the recipe calls for, and reduce the amount of floor used. My roux is smaller than what is typically used for the batch size, but I can't justify consuming that much oil/flour! The meal has green bell pepper, celery, onion, okra, garlic, seasonings, and I eat it with basmati rice mixed in.

I know these meals aren't 100% healthy, but it is a significant improvement. I figure that over time I will continue to alter these meals and discover new ones that are even healthier. I definitely need some new recipe ideas right now, because I'm getting a bit sick of the same meals all the time. I used to really enjoy cauliflower "wings" when I was vegan, so I think I'm going to make those soon with some veggies and ranch on the side for lunches. I also would like to try to make Thai red curry with veggies and tofu again. Every time I tried to make it before, it just didn't turn out for some reason. I want to get it right! The restaurant Thai red curry is so good... I don't know how they do it!

Although I am eating much healthier meals, I do still enjoy occassional treats. It isn't realistic to completely cut out junk food. I am aiming for 90% healthy, and 10% junk food. I have a bag of mini chocolate bars (60 calories a piece), and I have a couple of them every other day to keep sugar cravings at bay... and to keep my sanity haha. I also had a big slice of pizza last week for supper, and another night I had a McCrispy burger at McDonald's. I do count the calories of my treats too! That is why I only had the burger with zero calorie pop, and no fries on thes side... the burger is sadly 520 calories by itself! Eventually I'd like to limit my treats to only two sugary ones per week, and one junk food meal per week, but I am taking it slow.

Wow... what a rant, haha. I had so many thoughts to get out about my weight loss and health journey. I hope things improve in the next month or so. I feel like constant digestive issues for months and miminal weight loss will be too discouraging for me...

Another issue that I am experiencing is treating myself for low iron and low magnesium. The iron supplements have been fine. I purposefully purchased ones that are easy on the stomach due to past issues with iron supplements making me sick. I thought I had done the same for the magnesium supplements... but they have made me very sick. I have purchased a smaller dose and a less harsh type of magnesium, which I will start next week... for now I am taking a break from them so that I can feel better. What a rough time...

That is all I have for now! I will leave you with these whimsical circus press-on nails that I made for myself yesterday! Not sure when I am going to wear them... maybe for my birthday?

there's no place that can be better

♪♫ Rainy Day Mushroom Pillow - Strawberry Alarm Clock

Its been a few weeks since I last blogged. I've mostly been busy with the end of the semester assignments and exams. I've also taken a few extra shifts at work to get some more money into my savings account (since I took a chunk out for Christmas gifts & food). Thrifting hasb't been too exciting lately. Thrift stores are all filled with Christmas stuff and not much of anything else. The only thing I found since my last blog was a cute '60s flower power apron (that actually fits me - often I come across children's sizes). I also have been going to the thrift stores a bit less because covid cases have gone up in my area and I don't want to get sick.

I finally got onto booking a trip! In 2020, I was supposed to go to Hawaii in May. The pandemic happened and I didn't go, but I've held onto the money since then. I decided that I am going to wait on Hawaii since they are having some issues with too many tourists and not enough resources for locals. Instead, I am going to New York City for ten days! I already booked the Airbnb and bought the plane ticket. I got my passport, luggage, spending money already saved, and a list of things I want to do as well. I just have a couple minor things left to do. This is such a dream! The book I have been writing for over a decade is set in New York City and I plan to draw further inspiration while I'm there to get back into writing it. I think I will buy a notebook just to write down ideas.

I am back on track with losing weight. Everything got so derailed in the past year due to the chaos of not having a place to live for a long time while balancing school and work. Its been one week so far and I've lost 5 lbs! That is typically a lot to lose in one week, but often weight loss happens quickly for the first 2-3 weeks, then slows down to 1-3 lbs per week. I am not doing any special diet, just counting calories (which I did back in 2015/2016 and lost 60 lbs). I'm still enjoying foods I like and I'm not starving, so don't worry! For example, yesterday I had the following:

Breakfast: A big smoothie with strawberries, bananas, blueberries, high protein greek yogurt, almond milk, honey, liquid Omega-3/Vitamin D & protein powder (414 calories).
Lunch: Two fried eggs & an English muffin with strawberry cream cheese (352 calories). I often don't feel hungry around lunch, so I typically only have a small lunch anyways.
Dinner: Two cups of vegetarian chili made with Beyond Beef & lots of veggies (approximately 350 calories).
Snacks: Mini ice cream sandwich, hot chocolate packet with 7 peppermint vegetarian marshmallows, an apple, & two cheese strings (311 calories). I'm a snacker, so I prefer to do smaller meals in exhange for more snacks. I also have a multi vitamin (zero calories) with helps me get more vitamin A, iron, B12, and more.

Total: 1427 calories. I aim for about 1425 on days I don't do much and add more calories on days that I exercise or engage in alot of physical work. Also, if I have a craving, I find a way to fit it into my calorie "budget". The last time I did this (when I lost 60 lbs), I still had pizza, ice cream, chips, chocolate, cake, pasta, and more! Its all about two things: finding/making a lower calorie version (for example naan bread pizzas or eating just one or two small slices from a restaurant pizza), and portion control. I used to be able to down a whole 12 inch pizza to myself and end it with a big bowl of ice cream. Now I have a slice or two, then one scoop of lower fat ice cream. There are many alternatives that taste just as good or better, and the smaller portions are actually just normal portions, but will take some time for your body to adjust if you are an overeater like me.

The reason I mention this is for anyone looking to lose weight and thinks they need to eat salads for every meal and spend three hours on a treadmill everyday. You don't even really need to exerise, although for health, you should definitely add that in if you can. It also allows for more calorie intake each day. You could be losing weight on 1800 calories per day with enough excercise, but if you aren't used to it, then it takes time to work your way up to that. But as I had said, technically its not needed for weight loss.

Before I go...

Happy birthday to my best friend Kara!
She has been my best friend since I was seventeen and I'm turning thirty in a couple weeks. Over the past thirteen years, she has been there for me, grown with me, and supported me. We went through hell together and she is the only person who really understands me (and that I show my writing to). I love her dearly. 🧡🧡🧡

That is all for now. I'm going to finish some cleaning and organizing, then binge watch the rest of Wednesday on Netflix. I hope everyone is well!

all the lights are sparkling for you

♪♫ Salvatore - Lana Del Rey

I've been super busy since I last blogged... I've mostly been busy with work, but also with running tons of errands, including going through a car wash for the first time (which was fun haha)! I also ended up buying a bunch of decorations for my bedroom and two new plants (I've named them Luna and Soleil). I re-arranged and decorated my bedroom to cheer myself up and it worked! Definitely loving the new look! All I have left to do is re-pot two of my plants and put together my new nightstand.

Speaking of things I bought... The Last of Us Part II arrived and I've been playing it. So far I've had a mixture of feelings about it. I'm mostly enjoying it, but part of the story has been upsetting. Hopefully it improves as the story goes on. Anyways, I also bought other things; a big order of clothes from Shein (plus a moon wall hanging decoration). I really needed new clothes and I got a bunch for only about $160. Not too bad! I hope they all fit. I measured myself and matched it up with the measurements for the sizes on each item, so I hope that was accurate.

My work has offered to pay for me to have two nights away again! This time, I decided to check out Airbnb and see what was available because I really didn't want to stay in a hotel again. I ended up finding a tiny little cottage out in the country by a lake and it was less than $200 including all taxes and fees for two nights! My work told me that my limit was $200 before taxes and fees, so it worked out perfectly! I booked it for two weeks from now and I've been making plans for what I'm going to do when I'm there. Definitely going to take advantage of sitting by the lake and enjoy the sunrise and sunset!

I have a week off from work starting on July 7th. I'm so excited! I'm planning on getting my hair cut that week, plus I'm going to dye it blue underneath myself (I've done it before so I'm confident it will turn out - plus I watch a lot of Brad Mondo videos haha). In late July, I'm going to start planning out my tattoo. I want to get a tattoo that will be inspired by the movie Mulholland Drive. I have a few ideas so far, but I need to spend more time thinking about it. I'm feeling so much better now that I'm being myself again!

I also have noticed that I've gained some weight lately. I suppose its hard not to when it comes to being quarantined. I am planning on going back to eating healthier. I bought a bunch of healthy food last night I'm planning out my meals today for the next week. Wish me luck! Thats all for now. I'm going to have dinner with my family in a few hours. I hope everyone is well!

endless rain into a paper cup

♪♫ Across The Universe - The Beatles

Time has really flown by since my last blog! I've mostly been working, which has been going really well! I have been experiencing a little bit of anxiety, but its only because the job is new and I'm worried things will go bad (I'm an over thinker sometimes). However, the anxiety slowly improving! Now onto all the new things...

I have ordered myself some stickers for my new planner! I actually made my own stickers, which is super awesome! I can't wait to see them! I will post pictures of them on here when they arrive as well. Aside from that, I haven't done much shopping at all. I've been too busy, but also I'm trying to save money for my trip to Hawaii. I'm so beyond excited still! My passport should be in the mail sometime soon and I'm watching the flight prices to see when they drop, so I'm not sure when I'll be purchasing them. Hopefully no later than December.

Another thing I've been doing lately is dieting. I have been successfully dieting for a week now! I did have a cupcake and a few bites of a cookie, but aside from that, I haven't had any refined sugar/junk food. So proud of myself! I'm hoping to lose weight and tone up before I go to Hawaii, but also I want to do it for my health. Wish me luck!

That is all for now. I wish I had more to talk about!

i'm as free as a bird now

♪♫ Freebird - Lynyrd Skynyrd

I start school on Friday! I can't believe its almost here. I am so nervous! Especially because I start the day out with an interview. Not just a normal interview... a group interview. The worst kind. I have so much anxiety over it. I got an Ativan that I've saved for it. I hope that helps!

Anyways, not much is new. I got my two new books in the mail! I'm excited to start reading them! Also, while I was visiting my boyfriend (he lives an hour away), I bought a Pennywise pen at a local store. Its so cute! I'm definitely using it for school, haha!


I've been planning out my food for school. I've decided I will have veggie turkey wraps with low fat swiss cheese, low fat vegan mayo, tomato and lettuce. With that, I'm going to have carrot sticks, hummus, grapes, Greek yogurt, and peppermint tea. Its all very affordable and fits with my diet. Its only about 500 calories for my lunch and my snacks! I think I may also have lunch at the cafeteria once a month or so. I deserve a treat every so often!

Also, I have been binge watching The Sopranos. Its such a good show! Tony Soprano was the inspiration for a character I wrote in a story several years back. I found out today that there will be a Sopranos sequel and James Gandolfini's son will be playing him. That is so badass! I can't wait!

That is all for now. I will blog again soon about how my first day back at school goes!

a little party never hurt no one

♪♫ Art Deco - Lana Del Rey

Its been a while! Things got really busy in the past few weeks, so I have lots to talk about! Since I'm lazy, I'm just going to put this all in bullet point form and its no particular order either...

• I spent Christmas with my boyfriend and his family! For gifts, I got: The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass for my 3DS (from my boyfriend), a gift card for a book store (from his parents, and a gift card for Tim Horton's (from his grandparents). It was so nice!


• For Christmas dinner, I brought my own meatless Turkey with mushroom gravy. It was so delicious! My favorite part of the meal was the mashed potatoes that his aunt made. They were so creamy!


• I've been binge watching Tales From The Crypt. I'm about halfway through right now. I'm loving it! I'm so thrilled that I have all the seasons now.


• I decided to subscribe to Crave TV, on top my Netflix and Shudder subscriptions. It has a lot of great shows on it, including Twin Peaks, The Sopranos, and True Blood!
• On Christmas eve, my boyfriend and I watched some movies and ate some treats. The most important movie was The Muppet Christmas Carol, which I watch every year on Christmas eve. Its tradition!


• I went out for lunch with my dad yesterday. I had a beyond meat burger at A&W because I was craving beef. It was delicious as usual!
• My David Lynch collection is looking pretty great! I still have lots more that I want to add to it, but I'm happy with it right now!


• I'm trying to get back on my diet. Its been really hard. Chocolate is hard to say no to!
• I went to visit my best friend for a week in another province. We had a lot of fun! We watched movies and TV shows (including Black Mirror's Bandersnatch, Bird Box, & Shameless), drank lots of sparkling wine, did our nails, gossiped, ate delicious food, and more! I was also there for New Years, so I rang in the new year with her!


• I took a few super cute selfies!


• I ordered a copy of We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson with the bookstore gift card that I got for Christmas.


• School is starting back up in a couple weeks, so I've been getting prepared. I have a two day training, which starts tomorrow. Its the last training that I need in order to graduate. I will be so happy to get it done!
• I ordered myself a new scarf. It was $15 CAD including shipping. Its so my style!


• My basement is currently flooding! A lot of my textbooks are soaked now and my mini fridge probably won't make it, but I saved my TV!

That is all for now! I will try to blog again on the weekend!

i ain't worried 'bout nothin'

♪♫ Thank U, Next - Ariana Grande

Not a whole lot has happened since my last blog. I did lose a bit more weight. About 5 - 7 lbs. Not entirely sure because I don't have a good scale at home. However, I've really noticed a difference with how I look and how my clothes fit. Here is a recent picture of me...


I look so much skinnier! I still have like 50lbs more to lose, but I'm feeling great with how I look now! I've lost 60lbs so far! Yay! However, I expect to gain back a couple lbs over the holidays. I'm going to focus on portion control and still eating healthy, but I'm going to allow myself treats. Turtles and shortbread cookies are too hard to resist! I'll get back on track in January.

Lately, I've mostly been getting things done for school and relaxing. I've begun using my planner much more frequently. Now each day has at least one thing written down that I need to do. Most days have three or more things. I feel so productive! I've gotten my student loan application done, finished the First Aid/CPR course, visited my new school (I met my new teacher & my new classmates) and more. I still have more I need to get done, but its all spread out over the next month.


That is about it for now. However, today is a special day. Its my best friend's birthday! So happy birthday to Kara! I will be visiting her for a week soon (December 26th till January 3rd). Sadly she lives seven hours away, so I only get to see her about twice a year. I wish we lived in the same city/town!


Also my birthday is coming up on December 17th! I can't believe I'm going to be 26... I feel so old... ugh. It feels like I was a teenager not long ago. Time really flies... Anyways, my plan is to go see a movie with my boyfriend, go to Pizza Hut for lunch, then open presents and have cake at home. Yay!

i'm in constant heaven

♪♫ How Many More Times - Led Zeppelin

Wow its been a while! My life has been crazy busy lately. I got a job a week and a half ago. Its at one of my favorite restaurants! They have a lot of vegetarian options and all their food is made with local organic ingredients. I get 35% off too! My job title is support staff, which means I help out with a lot of different things. I greet people and seat them, deliver food and drinks, polish dishes and silverware, bus tables and other random stuff. Its definitely very physically exhausting, but I like it. It will whip me into shape for sure!

I also bought myself a couple cute items to celebrate my new job! Its a cute mug and bowl set for the fall! I also bought a poster at Ikea a few weeks ago, because I'm a film collector and its perfect for my future home movie theatre! And finally, my grandmother bought me a cute eyeshadow palette to congratulate me on my job!


My boyfriend and I's anniversary is coming up on September 16th! He has booked us a room in a cute little Inn outside of town. We're also going to have dinner at a nice restaurant. I'm so excited! I've already requested the time off and my boss said yes. Yay! Also, I requested Christmas Eve and boxing day off and he said yes to that too. They aren't open Sundays, Christmas Eve is on a Monday, then they are closed Christmas, and open boxing day. Therefore, I will have four days all together! Might be more, depending on when I'm scheduled in that week. The point is; I get to spend Christmas with my boyfriend for the first time! He lives an hour outside of town, so I'll be staying with him.

Weight loss has been going well. I'm at 190 lbs now. I haven't been super focused on weight loss since I got my job. I'm not counting calories right now, I'm just focused on eating healthy and eating until I'm satisfied. It seems to be going well. I figure since I'm on my feet/doing labor for 20ish hours a week, I'm burning a lot of calories and therefore I don't need to worry as much about it.


I've been doing more reading lately. I downloaded a ton of new ebooks for my Kobo. Currently I'm reading We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson, which cost me just 99 cents! Its really good so far! Not sure what I'll be reading next, but I'm thinking another horror/mystery. It feels good to get back into something that I used to enjoy so much!


That is all for now. Hopefully I will be able to blog again soon! I always say that, but I really hope I do!

i took too many hits off this memory

♪♫ Hold Me Tight or Don't - Fall Out Boy

Its been over a month since my last blog, so this blog will be quite lengthy. I'm doing bullet points again, because it makes things easier. Also, its not in any particular order...

• Went on my vacation to Saint John and Saint Stephen. I spent three days in Saint John and a week in Saint Stephen. It was a great time! I didn't really see anyone I know, aside from my bestie BJ, but it was nice to have a solo vacation and do things on my own. I got to eat out a lot (including at Saint John's new/only vegetarian restaurant), go shopping (only bought a backpack, earrings and the first 8 Friday the 13th movies on DVD), go to all my old favorite spots (like the pizza place around the corner from where I used to live), went to the museum, walked along the boardwalk, got a picture of my favorite Lynchian spot and more!


• Saint Stephen was an even better time! I got to see my best friend for a whole week! We had drinks, went on adventures, watched movies, gossiped, celebrated Canada Day and more! Also, I seen and held a firefly for the first time! It was so cool! Then a couple days later, we found a field filled with them. It was so magical!


• On the last day of my vacation (on the morning I was getting ready to leave), my phone completely died. I was on Instagram, the battery was on 100% and it just went black. I tried charging it and resetting it, but it didn't work. Ugh. So I had to buy a new phone! I ordered the Samsung Galaxy J3 Prime, a case and screen protectors. It cost a little over $200. Not too bad! It arrived a week later and I'm in love with it! I also got all the new emojis, including the bat (which my goth soul is very happy about).
• I have been re-watching all the seasons of The X-Files lately. I just finished last week!


• I got David Lynch's new book! I've read half of it so far. Its even better than I hoped for. David and I are kindred spirits.


• My mother has tried stalking me. She added me to all my social media accounts using an alias and I blocked her. Its been quite stressful, but she seems to have stopped for now.
• I have been doing more walking lately. My favorite walk so far was with my grandmother, cousin and the dog. We got some beautiful pictures!


• My diet is back on track now. It was a struggle at first after my vacation. I bought some meal prep containers which have been really helpful! Also, my doctor weighed me and I'm 195lbs still. So either I didn't gain any weight from vacation or my scale at home is a bit off. Either way, I'm happy!


• While staying with my best friend, I noticed that she had a cute cactus cup that she bought at Walmart. So I ordered one for myself! Shipping was free because I got it sent to the post office, which I'm thrilled about. Its so cute!


• My boyfriend surprised me by telling me that he booked us a room in a place called The Train Station Inn. Its a bunch of old train carts that have been turned into rooms for people to stay in. Its actually very fancy and has a high rating online. They even have a restaurant and gift shop in the old train station building!
• My boyfriend is obsessed with the video game franchise called Metroid. He owns every single game and lots of collectible pieces too. So, for my anniversary gift to him, I bought a Metroid wallet! I'm planning on adding one or two more items since it was only $10. I know hes going to love it!


• When I got back from my vacation, my boyfriend surprised me with chocolate, DVDs and flowers! I was blown away! He is so sweet and romantic... sometimes I can't believe my luck that I have such a wonderful man.


• I got to visit my kitty! I was so happy!


• I got a cute new bookmark thanks to my grandmother.


• My dad got me two free VHS tapes from a neighbor that was throwing them away.


• I tried the new beyond meat burger from A&W and it was amazing! I've had a couple more since then. I'm so thrilled that they have two burgers for vegetarians!


• My boyfriend and I went to the beach. Hardly anyone was there, so we practically had the whole place to ourselves. It was lovely.


That is all for now. Hopefully my next blog won't be a month from now!