happy birthday to me!

♪♫ E.T. - Katy Perry

Yesterday was my 28th birthday, which I celebrated covid style (aka staying home, watching Netflix, eating lots of food, etc). There was actually a snowstorm yesterday, so I celebrated with family the day before. They ordered me pizza and bought me an oreo cake, both of which were delicious! Plus they gave me gifts. I wish I could have gone out and had friends join the celebration, but y'know... pandemic and all...

I didn't take pictures of my gifts this year because I didn't feel up to it. But here is what I got;

• Amazon Echo Dot (3rd generation) Smart Speaker with Alexa in the color "fig".
• Smart light bulb comptatible with Alexa.
• Forks Over Knives cookbook.
• The book Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins.
• Lush products.
• Turtles chocolates.
• Clothes from Shein and other online stores.
• A turquoise tote bag.
• A fluffy pink polka dotted headband with a bow (for when I'm doing my makeup, washing my face, and/or doing a face mask).
• A turquoise velvet robe and a lavender satin robe.
• A 2021 calendar.
• A bookstore gift card.
• A clothing store gift card (which I've already used to buy a new winter jacket).
• Two pairs of earrings.
• Two pairs of reading glasses.
• A black beanie with a yellow embroidered sun on the front.

I recieved birthday money early in December, so I purchased about 1/3 of these items for myself. My favorite gift is the Amazon Echo, which my best friend Kara bought for me. I have really been enjoying using Alexa and I'm finding it really helpful for everyday life. I'm so thrilled with it! Also, here is two selfies with two of the clothing items I got...

I mostly got tops/shirts for clothing. I'm slowly re-doing my wardrobe. During my last relationship, I dressed a certain way due to trying to impress my ex. I hate that I did that... ugh... anyways, now I'm trying to dress how I actually want to. The website Shein has been super helpful because they have a massive plus size section, really good prices, decent shipping times, and they also often have sales/coupons!

I have really been missing writing lately. I want to get back into it. I have also been thinking of university lately. I definitely am craving a change in my life path and haven't entirely figured out what to do, but its exciting to think about! Aside from that, nothing else is really new... except that I made a vegetarian shepherd's pie! It turned out so good!

Update at 2:01 pm: I just really wanted to share this amazing Twin Peaks/Seinfeld crossover shirt that I got!

want you to take me for a ride

♪♫ Harleys in Hawaii - Katy Perry

I'm back! I've been busy lately with packing to temporarily move, buying/wrapping Christmas presents and working as always. I finally managed to finish my Christmas gift shopping and gift wrapping today! Yay! So excited to give everyone their gifts! Speaking of gifts, I got one of my birthday gifts early; a Christmas cactus! I've named her Esmerelda. She is a beauty!

Another plant related update; my African Violet has started blooming randomly! It usually only blooms in the summer, but it randomly began blooming again. I'm so thrilled!

I've been temporarily living with my grandmother. I am on a stress leave for a few months from my live-in job. It just became too stressful to be working 24/7 in a pandemic. My boss was very understanding and they offered for me to go on leave. Its been really relaxing so far and I've gotten to spend time with my cat! I'm also still working my other job, which has been helpful for income. My stress leave is unpaid, so I still need money for bills. I also won a $100 Walmart gift card from a draw at work! Plus they handed out $5 Starbucks gift cards, so I got one of those as well. Woohoo!

My birthday is in a week (December 17th). Sadly because of the pandemic, I will not be doing a whole lot. What I have planned is; a bath with a Lush bath bomb, a face mask, painting my nails, getting dressed up, ordering out food (veggie chili & veggie pizza), having french macarons, having cake, opening presents and watching a movie. Luckily I'm staying with a couple family members, so I can celebrate with them as well. Next year I will just have to party twice as hard, haha.

That is all for now! I will blog again next week after my birthday. I hope everyone's holidays are going well despite the pandemic. Stay healthy and safe!

dedicated to nick...

♪♫ WAP - Cardi B Ft. Megan Thee Stallion

I've been meaning to write this blog for over a week, but I got super busy. First of all; my vacation was amazing! I went to Cape Breton to see the Cabot Trail with a friend. We stayed in a cute little cottage out in the country, which had a fire pit, so obviously we made tons of smores and roasted hot dogs/veggie dogs! We also drove around to look at scenery, ate at a few different restaurants, did a little shopping, seen some tourist attractions, drank alcohol, listened to awesome tunes, and more. The only bad part of the trip was when we went into a market and we were treated like garbage because I was wearing my Black Lives Matter shirt. People are awful sometimes! Also, before you go on about being a pandemic, my province has 6 active cases and we are being encouraged to travel within the Atlantic provinces, all of which have barely any Covid-19 cases.


Another amazing thing about the trip; I discovered how to use my camera to take professional photography level photos! I wanted to get a picture of the stars because there is minimal light pollution in the country, but I couldn't figure out how to. I ended up Googling it and adjusted the settings on my phone camera (which I bought specifically because its considered one of the best phone cameras for photography). It worked! I took an amazing photo of the night sky, then I took an additional photo of the cottage with the sky in the background. I also got a pretty picture of blue hydrangeas that I spotted in the daylight!



I've been really busy working lately, but I have still gotten to hangout with a friends a bit on a few different occassions. It feels so nice to socialize more. Work has been a drama fest lately. Something awful was emailed to everyone and now the tension is really high. It sucks, but I'm hoping it'll die down and we can all go back to normal. I'm sick of it all. But taking care of myself outside of work has been really helpful. Like I said, I've been socializing more, I have an appointment to get my eyelash extensions re-filled, I have an appointment for another tattoo in a few weeks, I just freshy re-dyed the blue underneath my hair, I ordered myself a tripod for my phone to take more professional photos, I got new clothes (including a really sexy witchy bodysuit), and I've been focused on my goals. I am also going away for a week on the 16th to visit my best friend in New Brunswick. Life is good!

One more thing before I go; its been 10 years since my friend Nick passed away. To Nick; You're not forgotten. Everytime I play a song by Rammstein or watch a cheesy B movie, I think of you. Random things still remind me of memories of you, like McDonald's fries and Super Nintendo. I cherish all those times we hung out together. Rest in peace Nick. 🖤🤘

That is all for now. I hope everyone is well!

the way you smile that does it for me

♪♫ Sweet - Cigarettes After Sex

I'm back! I've decided to go down to part time hours at work for the rest of the summer, so I should be able to blog more! The reason for this decision is because I'm feeling really exhausted by work. I need a break. Working part time will give me 9 days between the 5 days that I work. Which is a total of at least 18 days off per month basically. I'm able to do this because my actual position is a part time position, I have just been taking extra shifts since I began working there. I simply told my boss I won't be requesting extra shifts until September and she was very understanding.

Its been 5 days since I was at work and I have 4 more days off to enjoy. I spent a couple of those days at my grandmother's house to spend time with her. I also got a haircut and I dyed half my hair blue! I am slowly going back to the old me, the true me, and I feel so great about it! I really lost myself for a long while, but dyeing my hair made a big difference! I also got lots of new clothes! I bought some at the mall and the ones from Shein arrived (sending a few items back though because I didn't like them). I'm going to start wearing my glasses more often... which I should be doing because I get headaches when I read without them. Also, I am booking a tattoo appointment! Currently discussing with the artist what I want to have done; the word "silencio" with a blue key underneath (from the movie Mulholland Drive).

Speaking of shopping... I've done a lot more shopping lately, haha. First of all; my turquoise night stand came in and I put it together. Its super cute and I love it! I have also pre-ordered Lana Del Rey's upcoming poetry/photography book called Violet Bent Backwards Over The Grass which comes out at the end of September. Other things I have recently bought (aside from the clothing mentioned earlier) are; a pansexual pride flag, House of the Devil on DVD, coasters, tacs (to put more decorations up on my walls), and a velvet hairband.

I leave for my mini cottage vacation on Monday and I'm super excited! I bought all the food today and I have books, a face mask and a shower bomb from Lush all ready to go as well! Aside from that, I'm really unsure what I want to do when I'm there. I'm thinking I should go on a few walks because its close to a lake and maybe watch some movies too. Its going to be so nice to get away from this house. I need a little break... actually I need a long one, but I'm waiting for the pandemic to end to do that... and hopefully it'll take place in Hawaii, haha. I still have my Hawaii money waiting for when I'm able to go!

I hope everyone is well. Depending on where you live, the pandemic may or may not be severe. Where I live, there are only a couple active cases. A lot of restrictions have been lifted, allowing everyone to enjoy the summer! If you're in a place where its not going well, I hope things improve quickly and you are able to enjoy at least a little bit of the summer. I wish good health for everyone as well!

all the lights are sparkling for you

♪♫ Salvatore - Lana Del Rey

I've been super busy since I last blogged... I've mostly been busy with work, but also with running tons of errands, including going through a car wash for the first time (which was fun haha)! I also ended up buying a bunch of decorations for my bedroom and two new plants (I've named them Luna and Soleil). I re-arranged and decorated my bedroom to cheer myself up and it worked! Definitely loving the new look! All I have left to do is re-pot two of my plants and put together my new nightstand.

Speaking of things I bought... The Last of Us Part II arrived and I've been playing it. So far I've had a mixture of feelings about it. I'm mostly enjoying it, but part of the story has been upsetting. Hopefully it improves as the story goes on. Anyways, I also bought other things; a big order of clothes from Shein (plus a moon wall hanging decoration). I really needed new clothes and I got a bunch for only about $160. Not too bad! I hope they all fit. I measured myself and matched it up with the measurements for the sizes on each item, so I hope that was accurate.

My work has offered to pay for me to have two nights away again! This time, I decided to check out Airbnb and see what was available because I really didn't want to stay in a hotel again. I ended up finding a tiny little cottage out in the country by a lake and it was less than $200 including all taxes and fees for two nights! My work told me that my limit was $200 before taxes and fees, so it worked out perfectly! I booked it for two weeks from now and I've been making plans for what I'm going to do when I'm there. Definitely going to take advantage of sitting by the lake and enjoy the sunrise and sunset!

I have a week off from work starting on July 7th. I'm so excited! I'm planning on getting my hair cut that week, plus I'm going to dye it blue underneath myself (I've done it before so I'm confident it will turn out - plus I watch a lot of Brad Mondo videos haha). In late July, I'm going to start planning out my tattoo. I want to get a tattoo that will be inspired by the movie Mulholland Drive. I have a few ideas so far, but I need to spend more time thinking about it. I'm feeling so much better now that I'm being myself again!

I also have noticed that I've gained some weight lately. I suppose its hard not to when it comes to being quarantined. I am planning on going back to eating healthier. I bought a bunch of healthy food last night I'm planning out my meals today for the next week. Wish me luck! Thats all for now. I'm going to have dinner with my family in a few hours. I hope everyone is well!

happy 10 year anniversary to my blog!

♪♫ Brass Devil - Parov Stelar

Thats right! I have had this blog for exactly 10 years today! I have been blogging in general for almost 15 years, but I've had this blog for 10 of those years and its been a wonderful journey. This blog has helped me in so many ways, mostly with processing a lot of past trauma and emotions about things. I have come a long way since I started this blog. I was 17 years old and was living on my own through a program for homeless teens. I was a high school dropout and was binge drinking frequently. My mental health was garbage. I was dirt poor. I smoked cigarettes. I was self destructive and chaotic. Now I'm 27 and I'm a live-in support worker for youth. I have another job at a homeless shelter for youth and I have maybe 5 glasses of wine per year. My mental health is stable. I make a comfortable income. I quit smoking. I do lots of self care and I'm calm. I feel completely different! Anyways, I got a little cake to celebrate...

Another small anniversary announcement; its been one year since I graduated from college! Woo!

Moving on... quarantine restrictions have been lifted where I live. Not entirely, but we can do a lot more stuff now. I was able to visit my family a few days ago and we had pizza/set up a porch swing on my grandmother's deck. Next week I'm going to see them for a family BBQ! I also went for lunch with my dad yesterday and we looked around in a few local stores. I ended up buying 4 more little cacti babies and a cactus light as well. Oh and at work I made some cute things; a travel journal and two roll on essential oils (I love unexpected self care)! I can't tell you how wonderful it felt to go out and do normal things again. It really reduced my level of stress. I'm excited to do more stuff!

The ones in the white pots are new! I've named them (from left to right); Theodora, Lana, Frank, Ed, and Lou! The cactus light isn't very bright, but its cute.

Also... look at my first baby's flowers! It hasn't bloomed in so long and I'm so excited!

Here is the travel journal and roll on essential oils.

Yesterday I also got a bed frame for my bed. My boss dropped it off, along with a mattress cover. She also gave me a thank you card and told me that I'll be getting a Bed, Bath and Beyond gift card soon (because I worked through the pandemic)! Speaking of new stuff, I also did a lot of online shopping recently. I bought a new planner that I can start using in August. Its different than my old one, but I am excited to try out a different format. I also bought tons of stickers for it and some washi tape. I also ordered a grow lamp for my cacti (I live in Canada & there isn't enough sun for my cacti to be happy) and a night table (I was using a standing tray thingy from the dollar store - I decided its time to treat myself to a nice night table)!

One last purchase announcement; The Last of Us Part II is out tomorrow! I already have it pre-ordered, so I'm just going to wait to get it in the mail. Hopefully it comes early next week. I really want to play it on Tuesday when I have a day off from work (I work for the next 5 days). I'll have to grab some munchies too. I'm so excited! I also heard they are introducing a transgender character, which is so awesome! I love how diverse the game is!

That is all for now. I'm going to go read my old blogs and reminisce about the old days. If you are interested in reading my old blogs, my archive is at the bottom of the page. You can even read my first blog on June 18th, 2010! Anyways, I hope everyone is well!

black lives matter

♪♫ I Won't Sell My Soul - Zheani

Wow... its been a month since I last blogged... where did the time go? There were so many times that I planned to blog, but then I didn't. Oops! Anyways, I just got back from my mini vacation. Since one of my jobs is a live-in support worker, I have literally been at work 24/7 for the entire duration of this pandemic. When I'm not at home, I'm at my other work. My boss informed me that they were going to pay for me to stay in a hotel for a couple nights and they were giving me money for my dinners, because I needed a break. My work is so amazing. They are always so understanding! Anyways, I just got back from that mini vacation today, so I'll talk about how it went...

It was awesome! I got to drink lots of sparkling wine, ate french macarons, ate chocolate, ordered lots of food, had two relaxing baths with bath bombs, used a face mask, and watched lots of stuff on Netflix and Shudder! I wish I could have stayed for a couple more nights, but unfortunately I have to go back to work tomorrow. Although I only went to the hotel for the weekend, I also had the week off before that from my other job, so it was a decent break and I definitely feel recharged. Maybe not fully, but enough to get by.

A big thing that has also recently happened is; I came out as pansexual... again. I came out as bisexual back when I was 14. I had a really bad reaction. Then I continued getting... not great reactions over the years. When I moved to a different province, I just stopped telling people. I remained in the closet... till a few days ago. I decided since its pride month, that I wanted to come out and stay out. I want to be myself. So I told everyone. All good reactions so far. Everyone is supportive. I think I've realized, and I have somewhat known this for a long time... I am mostly attracted to women. Like... probably 80% women and 20% men. I don't know how to put myself out there, but I want to focus on dating women and I am so excited about it!

Another big thing I want to discuss is Black Lives Matter. I support the movement/protests and have been working hard sharing information with others and donating money. I want to help in any way that I can. I urge everyone to please stand up and do not stick your head in the sand to ignore everything that is happening. We need to stick together!

Lastly, the number of cases in my province have been either 0 or 1 for the past week, so they have lifted a lot of restrictions. I am on a waitlist to get my hair done, I have an appointment for a massage and I reserved a table at my favorite restaurant to have dinner with my grandmother! I'm so excited! Soon I'm also going to get bleach and blue hair dye to dye my hair, plus I'm going to get a tattoo at some point soon too! Also two other random pieces of info; I didn't get the quilt because it wasn't in stock. I've given up for now. Oh and my plant is blooming again! I thought it would never bloom again! Anyways, I'm going to watch Netflix and eat sour cherry blasters for the rest of the night. I hope all is well!

with the slow graceful flow

♪♫ Edge of Seventeen - Stevie Nicks

I'm back with a new blog theme! How is everyone doing? Personally, I'm doing much better than before. I was so depressed for a while, but I've really overcome that in the past week. I think its mainly due to putting more emphasis on taking my medication everyday and on time, which is something I really slacked off on for a while. However, even though I mentally feel well, physically I feel dead from doing so many 12 hour overnight shifts. I can't wait to go back to 8 hour shifts when the pandemic ends!

In my last blog, I posted the cameo video from Terry O'Quinn that I received. Well guess what?! I also ordered one from Jim Beaver (Bobby on Supernatural) and Kimmy Robertson (Lucy on Twin Peaks). Both were less than $25, which is a super good deal! My absolute favorite from all the videos is Jim Beaver's. He just said all the right things and made me smile so much! I won't be posting them on here, mostly because I'm lazy as hell, haha. I will definitely buy more cameos in the future. I love getting personalized videos from celebs that I admire. ♥️

Anyways, guess who reached her savings goal?! Me!!! I'm so excited! I won't say how much it is, but its more money than I've ever had at one time in my entire life and I'm so proud of myself for being able to save it! Even though my savings account is looking good, I still have had extra money for spending, which is great! Speaking of spending, I ended up buying another quilt set because the one I originally ordered was cancelled. They fully refunded me and then I found a cheaper and even better quilt set, so I bought it! I'm so excited!


Aside from all of that, I also got to go to the park last week! My province opened up parks again (people still need to social distance). As soon as I heard the news, I went out the next day to a nearby park that I love and had a wonderful walk. I also took a couple selfies in my car when I was there, which turned out amazing because of the natural lighting!


That's all for now. I hope everyone is well. ♥️