i shouldn't think of you as mine

♪♫ Hello It's Me - Todd Rundgren

Hello there! So, yesterday I spent most of my day getting dressed up for a girls night with Kara. I felt super pretty! Matt's parents picked Matt and I up after work so that I could pick my prescription and groceries. Then Matt and I got dropped off at the mall. Ate a quite supper. Then Kara showed up and Matt headed home. Kara and I went to the bar. We started out with an order of beer, then we went to the liquor store for wine. We each had a bottle. We went to the docks to drink and got stoned after that, then went to the tunnels to continue drinking and getting stoned. We met up with Kara's friend for a quick burn. I was sooo drunk and high, haha. Then Kara and I headed back to the bar for more beer. But she somehow lost 5 dollars, so her friend had to come back and lend her money! We had to leave half a pitcher at the bar. Ugh. But the night was awesome!


Today I woke up early. Luckily, I didn't have a hangover! I spent most of my day eating junk food on the couch. Oh and I got a book in the mail; Drowning in Rapture by Megan D. Martin! Sooo amazing so far! But I wanna wait until I have my bed before I get further into it. Kara and I were supposed to have a bonfire this evening, but it rained and it was windy. So we decided to stay home. On a happier note; Matt drew me a picture of the Eraserhead baby with "I love you" above it. I love it so much! He knows me so well! I think I'm gonna get the image put on a mug!


That's all for now!

i'm in constant heaven

♪♫ How Many More Times - Led Zeppelin

Hello there! Lets dive right into it... I went to my mum's on Wednesday. I baked her a pretty mint green cake with yellow icing from scratch for her birthday. It was yummy! We also got some work done. She made an ereader cover for the first time. Was a bit too small though. We discussed business more and she decided to sell more things. Afterwards, Matt's mum picked me up around 5pm. I tried ordering a few more business things, but PayPal declined me access to my account until I proved that I'm ME. Which was frustrating. Ugh!


The next day, I cleaned for most of the day. I got a lot done! I also got to FINALLY order stuff with my PayPal. I got 500 business cards and a ton of gift bags. Matt's mom brought us some awesome supper food after this, which was lovely! Then I sold a silverware set to a guy for $175! After that I sold my suitcase set to a woman for $40. And my grandmother is giving me $45 as well! So I'm gonna have a pretty awesome amount of money! Matt and I watched a movie and relaxed when we had dinner. Then I got a bit more cleaning done before my day ended. So productive!

The 13th was my mom's birthday, so I dropped off a present and card at her house. Then I met up with Kara. We started out with some beer. Then some wine. Then more beer. We were super drunk in the early afternoon. We went into the tunnels and took pictures. Plus made videos of us doing impressions of people, haha. Then we ran into an old friend at the bar. Kara left an hour later, but I stayed. We ended up meeting up with some guys and going to J's apartment. I smoked weed, did shots of Jager, had more beer and threw bottle caps into a bucket. LOL. The entire day was amazing. I walked home before midnight. I also won a red Kobo Mini case on Ebay for 98 cents + free shipping!


Yesterday was mostly boring, except for me puking at 5 am and Matt having to clean it up. He also told me that I fell into the door when I came home and left my keys in the door, LMAO. So classy. So yeah...I was hung over all day. Matt's sister visited. But didn't really speak to me. I was kinda offended. We used to be close. I mostly relaxed in bed with food and TV. I also began painting another quarter of my bedroom.

Today is father's day! I wrote a few paragraphs to my dad on Facebook. I love him very much and wish I could see him! Aside from that, I got the rest of the painting done in my bedroom done. Just one quarter left! I also cleaned my bedroom and other parts of the apartment. I'm ending my night with an epic feast and Supernatural. I'm exhausted and sore, but it wasn't too bad of a day!

happy 420 & happy easter ishtar?

♪♫ Nothing

Happy 420 to all my stoner friends! I don't smoke weed anymore, but I'm all for the decriminalization of it! It has a lot of amazing benefits for medical and recreational use! Seriously...research it! Although...I do think that protests should be held more than one day a year. Its really not gonna make a big difference to sit in front of a government building and smoke a joint on April 20th every year. Just sayin'...



Oh hey, its Easter too!
Here is a little something interesting...


I can't prove that the above statement is true, but I love having debates with people about holidays and their actual roots. All I know for sure is that Easter was merged with the death and resurrection of Jesus, even though the two have nothing in common...at all. The holiday has really just become an excuse for people to buy ridiculous amounts of candy and toys for their children. Geeze, I hope I didn't ruin anyone's day. :P

Oh a related note; I was terrified of the Easter bunny when I was a kid...I still am actually. It started when I was young. I don't remember what age. But I woke up early in the morning and a member from my family (still unsure of who it was) was wearing a bunny suit (like the one pictured below) and holding a basket of eggs. I screamed in absolute terror. And I never looked at a bunny the same way ever again. It doesn't matter whether its a person dressed up as a bunny or an actual bunny. And movies like Donnie Darko and Bunnyman did not help my fear. Also, I will not go to the mall at Easter (they have a guy in a bunny suit who gets pictures taken with kids). Fuck those creepy ass dead black eyes and smile that almost says "I'll kill you in your sleep". Kill it with fire! D:

This picture makes me shiver...ugh...


Well I'm heading off to my mother's house to have cheeseburgers and fries, then clean for her...again. I hope all goes well. And I really hope that I can write tomorrow. Remember those blogs I promised I would write and publish? They're still on notepad. I haven't had time to do anything with them. Ugh. -_-

P.S. None of the pictures in this post are mine. But they're pretty neat, eh? Well...except for that Easter bunny...

Edit at 10:36 pm: I had a good time at my mom's. I didn't have to do any cleaning. We just spent time together. She even made me chocolate cupcakes with mint/peppermint icing and mint Aero bubbles on top! So delicious! And of course; I got to spend time with Lissa (my cat). When I got back home after 9:00 pm, Matt's mom gave me a bag of Easter candy. I don't care about the holiday, but I'll never turn down free candy, LOL. Especially those marshmallow bunnies. They're one of my favorites! ^_^

into the magic night

♪♫ In Dreams - Roy Orbison

I had a pretty amazing day yesterday. Although, I was slightly annoyed when I woke up. My mum promised that she would get my prescription filled for me, but she didn't. Ugh. And I was in pain (bladder infection). So I had to go out myself and get it. On a more positive note; I checked the mail on my way out the door, and there were two packages for me! It was some of the things I've ordered; two used books and a DVD. I'm very pleased with the books, but the DVD keeps skipping. I'm trying to get a refund right now. I'm kinda pissed about it. -_-


Anyways, I went to the pharmacy up the road to fill my prescription. I was too lazy to take the bus to the pharmacy that I usually go to (which I regret - because the one up the road charged me $4 & its usually free). I also mailed some Christmas cards, picked up some stuff for my mum, bought myself some stuff that I need (mostly makeup - which is so expensive -_-), and bought a box of peppermint tea for my mum and I. Yum!

The evening was just...so awesome. I met up with Kara for a wifey night. We were all dressed up and feeling great. First thing we did was go to the liquor store. Kara bought us strawberry daiquiri coolers. Then we met up with her friend Mike to smoke a joint. I wasn't in the mood for getting stoned (more for them, I guess :P), so I went into the nearest store and bought a crossword instead (& I didn't win, sadly - I had such high hopes D:). Anyways, Mike walked us down to the bars, then he had to leave. That is when our night really began! :D

I bought Kara and I a pitcher of beer at one of my favorite bars. It was quiet. Which is what I like. We were non-stop talking about everything (since we don't get to see each other very often). Randomly Kara told me to invite Matt, which surprised me. And he arrived while we were freezing our asses off for a cigarette. The first thing she said was "You didn't tell me he was cute! He looks like The Doctor from Doctor Who!". I don't see it though. Anyways, Kara managed to get Matt out of his shell (he is very shy & awkward)...by playing drinking games. Nothing got too weird though. Except for me getting dared to lick Matt's elbow...which I did, LOL.

We went to another bar, because they had a heated patio, and Kara and I smoke a lot when we drink. Matt bought a pitcher that time (since Kara & I were broke). My favorite beer too; Molson Canadian! I got way too drunk. Beer makes me silly as hell. And I started yelling everything I said and laughing over nothing. Kara was pretty much the same way. And Matt was mostly sober, somewhat quiet, but looked very happy. Sadly, Kara had to be home at midnight, so we headed to Subway (so she could grab a sub to take home). On our way there, Kara found mistletoe and held it up in front of me and Matt. So of course, me being drunk, I grabbed him and kissed him. He wasn't complaining, haha. Anyways, we got to Subway, and I paid for Kara's sub plus her taxi fare. We didn't even get to drink the coolers. I hid mine in my fridge for another time. xD

Matt and I sat in Subway while I tried to sober up. I didn't want my mum to see me drunk. And sitting in Subway...well I had to buy a sub, LOL. I had the drunk munchies. As soon as I sat down with my sub, I began shovelling it in my mouth like a caveman. No shame. Then we went outside and walked around for a bit. I played some music on my playbook, and drunkenly rambled on about stuff that didn't make sense. It was only around 1:00 am, but Matt said it was 'late' and that I should go home. I knew he was saying that because I was too drunk to be out in public. So he walked me home and made sure I got inside safely. Its so great that I've been having a fun time lately. Wooo single life! :P

Today has been alright. I woke up early and started the antibiotics for my bladder infection (I'm already noticing a difference - I'm peeing more normally now). I had lunch with my mum. Not out anywhere. Just in the house. But my family is the type that rarely has meals together, so it was nice. And once again; I checked the mail and there was another package for me! It was another used book! I seriously hope I don't order anything else online for a few months. Its becoming quite the bad addiction. -_-


I also had a strange dream last night; I was in high school for some reason. And Matt was there. But he was kind of a douche. He posted a bunch of embarrassing videos of me on Vine, then showed everyone. And I began screaming and trying to fight everyone. So I got kicked out of school and had to go work at a construction site. Then my hot math teacher from high school showed up and yelled at me. He gave me a bag of homemade Halloween cookies and told me to eat them. I refused, so he yelled again. Then we fell in love and we kissed. What the fuck!? LOL. Other than that, nothing else interesting has happened today. And I have no plans for later. I think its just gonna be a lazy day. Movies and munchies sounds good to me. :3

happy halloween!

♪♫ This Is Halloween - Marilyn Manson

Happy Halloween! This is definitely my favorite holiday (I know its technically not a holiday - but whatever). And I had an amazing time today! I woke up early, relaxed for a bit, got ready, painted my nails, put my pumpkin earrings on, and packed my costume (which barely fit into my bag). And BJ showed up right on time to take me out for lunch at Cora's. It was delicious, but I didn't finish all of it. I was distracted by my excitement about Halloween. After that, we walked to the bank, so that I could deposit the $250 my mum paid me back (its the last bit she owes me). Then we caught a bus going to his house.

I was at his house for a little while. I had to be at Kara's for 4:30 pm and he had to be at work for 4:30 pm. So we had some time to kill. I pretty much just watched Jerry Springer, and BJ played GTA V. I wanna play it so badly! A little while before we had to leave, I did my makeup and put my costume on (Alex Delarge from A Clockwork Orange). Too bad I forgot the glass of milk. Oh well...I looked great anyways. But getting a good picture was really hard. Only one turned out alright and I still look kinda awkward. xD


BJ walked me near Kara's, then he went to wait at the nearby bus stop. When I got to her door, I didn't even have to knock. She opened it instantly, and she was putting Bentley's (my godson) horse costume on. He looked so cute (but it was really hard to get a picture of him - he kept moving)! And he had a little Spiderman bucket for his candy. Kara didn't have a costume. Just a masquerade mask. Which she didn't even wear. I felt a little bit silly. But people thought I was trick or treating and gave me a bit of candy. I just added it to Bentley's pile. He got a lot of candy for only going around the block once! ^_^


After we got back to Kara's, Bentley went to her aunt's for the night. So Kara and I started getting ready. I took off my makeup and my costume. We had plans to go to a bar and I didn't wanna look weird. Kara had a bit of beer and smoked a joint, then we called a taxi to Dooly's. But we ended up going to Giant Tiger first. Kara needed rolling papers and she felt awkward asking for them, so I had to buy them for her, LOL. Then we finally went to the bar. We each got a Mike's hard lemonade (Kara had the cranberry & I had the regular). And oh my fuck...it was expensive. Plus the bar lady was an airhead. She was wearing a Catwoman costume that she made herself, but she didn't have a mask. So it just looked like a black spandex outfit. :/


We also played a really fun game of pool. I'm a lot better at it than I thought! It was a tie at the end, but Kara won. And she brought her masquerade mask and wore it for a bit. Silly drunk Kara, haha. And we tried to win a big stuffed raisin in the claw machine. But no luck, sadly. So we went into the mall to roll a joint in the bathroom. That was a bit of funny experience. Some crazy drunk lady was dressed up as a cat and yelling at her shoes. The look on Kara's face was hilarious. When the crazy lady finally left, Kara asked me for the rolling papers...and I didn't have them. So we had to walk back to Dooly's to check, and sure enough...they were in front of the claw machine! xD


We walked outside for a cigarette and it was pouring rain. Plus very windy. Unexpected. And unpleasant. So we walked to another mall and decided to roll the joint in that bathroom. It didn't take long to get there, and she finally got to roll the joint. We went looking for another bar to drink at, but we gave up on that idea and found a secluded spot for her to get stoned. I decided not to for once. :P

We had to go into another mall (there is a lot of malls around here...), so that I could use their wifi and transfer money into my chequing account for a taxi. But as I was doing that, Kara wandered towards A&W and got us some munchies. She got the burger and I got the fries. It was heavenly. After that, we called our taxi to go to BJ's house. But I forgot to go to the bank machine, so Kara had to pay for it. Oops. At least we made it to BJ's house a few minutes before he got home from work. We waited on his porch, which was covered in awesome Halloween decorations and lights. So magical. :3


He had a smoke with us on his porch, but it was freezing, so we made it quick. When we got inside, his mum gave Kara and I special treat bags. Plus one for Bentley. I feel so special. And Kara finally got the Halloween cupcakes that I made for her. I hope she likes them! Anyways, we started a game of Trivial Pursuit, but it didn't last long. BJ had to study and do homework, so his mum drove Kara and I home.

Its pretty great that I didn't even go trick or treating and I got a decent amount of candy anyways. Wooo! Also, there was a package on my bed when I got home. It was two paintings from my dad. The one of David Lynch that I requested, and one of a church. I am so in love with them! Especially the David Lynch one! I just need to find a frame for it. I love receiving early birthday/Christmas presents. :D


In conclusion; it was lovely hanging out with Kara like old times. And it was great that she treated me out. So yeah...I'm gonna spend the rest of my night watching American Horror Story: Coven, eating fish chowder and bundling up (because its freezing in here). D:

P.S. I didn't get to watch all the movies on my Halloween movie marathon list. But I watched most of them. Good enough. :P

this surely is a dream

♪♫ Sex and Candy - Marcy Playground

So this is the last blog I will be writing before my surgery (which is tomorrow - wish me luck!). I'm not sure when I'll be able to write another blog. I don't know how long it will take for me to recover, but I'm hoping its not any longer than two weeks. I just gotta see how things go. And holy fuck...I'm scared as all hell. :'(

I had a really great day on Sunday. Probably one of the best days I've had in a while. I got ready (& got a picture of myself), met up with Matt, and got some smokes + Powerade at the store. Matt dropped his twelve pack of beer on the way, but luckily only one busted open. So yeah...it didn't take long for us to get to Michelle's for her potluck/party sorta thing. I had only met her a few times before, but she was friendly and she made me feel very welcome. Also, Matt and I were the first two people to arrive. And since Michelle was still preparing the food, Matt and I just sat around and waited for people to show up.


People finally started to arrive about a half an hour later, so we went to socialize. As soon as I walked into the kitchen, I seen my Instagram buddy Sarah (we always like each other's pictures)! I knew she lived in the city, but I had no idea that she knew the same people that I did. It was a huge surprise and she ran to get her boyfriend and bring him to me, then said "This is the girl! My Instagram buddy!". It was pretty exciting. She is such a sweetheart! We talked for a bit, even though I was really awkward. But she is a talkative person, so I don't think she noticed my awkwardness. :P

Everyone else finally showed up, which included some of my best friends; Kat, Missy, Adam and Garnet. I was so pumped to see them! And I seen some old friends that I haven't seen in a really long time. It was a nice reunion. Anyways, we went out for a smoke and I ended up doing a burn with Sarah and Erica (since I can't drink anymore - I just have weed left). I got pretty stoned (still no anxiety!). It loosened me up and made me less awkward. Also, it caused a series of jokes from Kat about me injecting pots, leaving my pot needles in her house, doing pans, smoking pants, getting other people addicted to drugs, needing an intervention, etc. It was hilarious. She was quite drunk. xD

I spent most of my night with Kat, Missy and Matt. There were so many jokes and weird conversations. I loved it. But I didn't like that Matt was following me everywhere. Apparently he has a crush on me. I'm always so oblivious to that sort of thing. Anyways, I ate lots of food (best thing ever - mint chocolate girl guide cookies), joked with Missy about living in her closet, got a couple pictures with Missy and Matt, and other stuff that I can't really remember. In conclusion; it was an awesome time. And I really needed it too. :)


Since its scary as hell around here, I got Matt and James to walk me home. And I'm really glad they did, because something really uncomfortable happened. As we were walking past the strip club, a car full of guys drove by, and they yelled "fuck you!", "whore!", and gave us the finger. James yelled something at them, but I forget what he said. Anyways, they followed us and slowed down their car when we were across the street from the bank. Then they yelled "fuck you!" and gave us the finger again, plus called us "sluts!". Matt gave them the finger back and they just drove off. It was so disturbing. I didn't know any of those guys, and they didn't know me. What makes them think its okay to degrade a woman? Especially in such a pathetic manner. Ugh. However, we did make some jokes and brushed it off. We blamed it on the rips in James' pants that showed off his knees. So slutty, haha. xD

I ended that night by sitting in the square with Matt for a bit (James went home), then I went home and relaxed until I fell asleep. The ending of the night was kinda lame to be honest. But I'm really proud of myself for getting out and interacting with people. My mental issues have been kinda bad lately, so I'm happy that I pushed myself to get out. :)

Yesterday was also a good day. I woke up and was feeling great for no reason. Maybe I was just still happy about the night before. But anyways, I began my day by listening to David Lynch, drinking blueberry herbal tea from my Alice in Wonderland tea cup + tea pot set, and eating oatmeal with brown sugar + cinnamon. Yay! Then I quickly got ready to go to BJ's house for thanksgiving dinner. I decided to wear my fall sweater for the first time this year. It so warm and comfy. :3


BJ and his uncle came to pick me up. I was surprised, because I thought his uncle was out of town. But anyways, I made it to his house. And wow...I feel special. His mother made an entire thanksgiving dinner for me (since my parent's don't celebrate holidays). They had already had a dinner with their extended family over the weekend, but she made a second dinner so that I could have thanksgiving dinner. She even made homemade pumpkin pie and whipped cream, because she knows its one of my favorite desserts! His mom is awesome! But we were so full from dinner that we had to take a break before having dessert. We just relaxed in the living room, and BJ showed me the They Live references in Saints Row IV. :D

After dessert (which was amazing!), BJ and I watched Ghost Adventures. I got him to watch the Poveglia episode, because its my favorite. I think he enjoyed it...not entirely sure though. The episode wasn't the best quality, because we watched it on YouTube. But I did get some yummy chocolate coconut square thingys halfway through watching the episode. They were sooo delicious. I want more. We also looked through Netflix (so that I can see what I'm gonna get when I get Netflix soon), and I found out that they have all the episodes of Twin Peaks. But I'm still going to be buying the DVD set. ^_^

His mom drove me home after that. And I had to quickly clean before my mom came home. I finished just in time! She ended up sitting in my room for a couple hours and talking to me. I told her about my experience the night before with the douchebags yelling from their car. She decided it was a good idea to call the police. So we did, but they said they can't do anything about it. They just suggested that we carry a knife in our purse. So I guess my mom is buying me a knife now. So yeah...nothing else interesting occurred. :P

Today was a great day, once again. Seems like I've been having good luck in the past few days. Anyways, I had to go to an appointment with my therapist not long after I woke up. It was really uncomfortable. We somehow ended up discussing something and she made me feel bad about it. And she wants me to go to a group every Monday. Not sure if I'm gonna do it though. I don't feel that comfortable discussing my issues with a room full of strangers. :/

I had a little bit of time to kill afterwards, so I just walked around the mall. Not long after that, I met up with Missy. We continued walking around for a bit. She was really nervous because today was her first day of work, so I was trying to distract her (I'm not sure if I helped at all). Then we met up with BJ in the square. Kat, Adam, Alice and Eugene showed up not long afterwards. They were throwing seeds for the pigeons and I'm terrified of birds, so I kept running away and hiding. I'd rather hold a tarantula than be close to a bird. Seriously. I hate those fucking things. D:

We had a good time hanging out for a while, but everyone had stuff to do, so we all went our separate ways. BJ and I went to a mall on the other side of town, because I had some shopping to do. We got dinner first though. It was delicious, but he got really upset during the meal and I felt bad. I brought up something and he is beating himself up about it. I wish I could do something to help. Ugh. :(

I also felt bad about dragging him around for so long. We went in so many stores and I bought pretty much everything I need (minus a few things that I don't even need for a couple weeks - blue hair dye, tint brushes, bowls & groceries); bleach, sprinkles, orange gel icing, a cupcake holder, strawberry ice cream and Powerade. Wooo! And I had way too much fun in Walmart. I put on a Luigi costume and BJ took some pictures of me. They're pretty awesome. I wish I could have bought the costume. There is always next year I suppose. I also found a weird skeleton DJ thing that plays music. There is a video on my Instagram if you're interested. :P


BJ's mom drove me home after our long shopping adventure. I was pretty happy that I didn't have to take the bus, plus I wanted to get the strawberry ice cream into my freezer as soon as possible. So BJ walked me to my door and gave me a goodnight kiss. And since then...well I've pretty much been doing nothing. My mom gave me a package that arrived for me earlier today. It turned out to be the used book I ordered; The Silver Sword by Ian Serraillier. Its in great condition! Very happy with it! Also, I gotta clean quickly, then take some melatonin and go to sleep. I have to wake up at 8:00 am for my surgery. Ahhh. Its gonna be so unpleasant. :'(

broken dreams have got to end

♪♫ Evil Woman - Electric Light Orchestra

So I don't have feelings for that person I mentioned in my last blog. I was just confused by the dream. But apparently he has feelings for me. And I'm quite flattered, but nothing is gonna happen. I love BJ and I miss him a whole lot. Since, like I said before, I rarely see him anymore. And I kinda feel bad for the guy who has feelings for me. He isn't very good with getting women. Not that he is bad looking or has a bad personality. He just gets awkward. :(

So Tuesday was a shitty day. I woke up and immediately had to go to an appointment with my psychiatrist. I told him how I was feeling a little more depressed lately, and that I had two panic attacks since our last visit. I wish I hadn't of told him that, because he increased the dosage of my medication and added Prozac. Instead of five pills a day, I gotta take seven now. I'm really pissed, because he told me before that he was gonna get me off the Clonazepam, but because of what I told him...he decided it was best to keep me on them. I hate them so much. They cause my memory to disintegrate, and horrible insomnia on top of that. I told him that seven pills was a lot, and I think I offended him, because he said "do you want another psychiatrist?". I said no, because he is the best psychiatrist I've ever had...but it seems like I'm on too much medication. :/

After that, I waited in the mall for my mother. She took so long to show up. No surprise. Then she gave me $12, since her and my step dad both spent $12 on lunch without me. So we walked to the city market. I ran into Missy and her dad along the way. I feel bad that I haven't been hanging out with her much lately. Kat and Adam as well. I keep avoiding people. Anyways, I got a sandwich and milk for lunch. Yum! We did some shopping after that. We didn't buy a whole lot, but I did get some hair clips, black leggings for my Halloween costume, ten horror movies on DVD (which came in a tin box & it was $10!), etc. The horror movies include: The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, House on Haunted Hill, Night of the Living Dead, Nosferatu, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and more! Lots of classics for my Halloween horror movie marathon! ;D


I relaxed at home for a little while after that. And I had plans with BJ, so I was also waiting for him. Unfortunately he could only hangout with me for an hour, so we just went to dinner at Jungle Jim's. Afterwards, I decided to do something on my own. It was a big step for me, considering my social anxiety and agoraphobia have been bad recently. I was really nervous, but I caught a bus and went to the mall on the other side of town! :)

I had $30 in my budget for movies. I was originally just going to buy Mulholland Drive and Blue Velvet, but instead of being $15 and $12 at HMV (like it said on their website), they were two for $20! So I had an extra $8, which I used to buy The Craft and The Goonies at Wal-Mart ($5 each). I went a few dollars over budget, but oh well. I'm very happy with my purchases! Oh and I was going to buy two zebra print lamps at Wal-Mart (for my apartment), but I didn't have enough money. I suppose I should wait until I get a new bedroom set anyways. I may change my mind by then. ^_^


While I was waiting at the bus stop (to catch a bus home), I overheard some loud bitch spreading rumours about Gen. If you aren't aware, Gen is girl from my city that went missing a couple weeks ago. I met her a few times through friends. Really lovely girl. Anyways, the loud bitch was making up a bunch of shit. Saying things like her family abused her, her uncle sexually assaulted her, she ran away, she killed herself, a serial killer murdered her, etc. Just kept making up stuff and telling some old lady. I wanted to slap her. Oh my fuck, I had to wait for her to get on the bus before I even got close to the bus, because I would have slapped her. Disrespectful piece of shit. Ugh. -_-

At least I had something exciting to get my mind off that loud bitch; the new episode of Supernatural! Yes, season nine has begun! And I enjoyed it as I munched out on pumpkin pie and nachos. Yay! But due to having my "lady issues", I was quite cranky (mainly from cramps), and just ended my night by laying in bed and watching TV.

Wednesday was a completely unproductive day. Cramps made it nearly impossible to accomplish anything. And I was supposed to do more shopping, but I had to cancel. Instead I just chilled in my room, ate food, watched TV, painted my nails, browsed the web, etc. I also had a mini John Cusack marathon at the end of the night (I only watched Better off Dead & Say Anything...). Wooo! I love his movies from the 80's. :3


Thursday was pure awesome. Except for the fact I woke up late. I was supposed to hangout with BJ and his friend Jenna, but I slept in. So she dropped him off at my house and we chilled in my room for a little while. I asked him if I could have some of the tequila he had left and he said yes. It was the last time I could drink (because my medication was increased). Anyways, I was in a ton of pain. Ugh. Worst timing for cramps. So I waited for them to pass. Luckily they went away ten minutes before we had to leave. Good luck for once! :O

We met up with Kara at 7:30 pm at the bus stop by her house. Before heading to BJ's, I asked him if he had mix for the tequila, and he said no. So he went into the store to get some. While he was doing that, Gen's parents approached us and gave us a missing poster to pin up some place. I felt so bad seeing them. They looked destroyed. But I was kinda happy to get my hands on a poster of her. I was wondering where to get one. I want to do anything I can to help, and since I have so many mental issues at the moment...there is a limited amount of things I can do.

Anyways, we went to BJ's and played Trivial Pursuit again. I ended up smoking weed with Kara again (still no anxiety!), and got a little drunk too. We listened to music, smoked, talked and laughed. BJ had to do some studying whenever he got the chance. It was a great night. We made so many jokes. My favorite was when she compared our ex-friend to the woman on Family Guy who pops out babies constantly and has babies hanging from her boobs, LOL. And Kara fucked up singing The Twelve Days of Christmas. She said "5 French hens", "six French men" and "10 golden rings!". Then she tried to get BJ's mentally handicap aunt to help out and she went all the way up to 7, then started mumbling. We were laughing so hard that we couldn't breathe. xD

Kara had to go home early, so we walked her there. Its not safe around here anymore. Not even during the day. There are people missing, attempted kidnappings, among other things. Anyways, BJ got me a drive home, then I spent my night munching out on pizza pockets, beef stew and biscuits, and watching the new episode of American Horror Story: Coven. I'm not liking it so far. I mean...what the fuck is with Evan's character? He better come back! And everything seems confusing right now. I don't know...

Yesterday I woke up to chocolate cupcakes on my night stand, and I swear my very first thoughts were "is this the real life? is this just fantasy?", LOL. And I ate them all for breakfast. Yeah...that's what happens when you have "lady issues". Anyways, I was supposed to hangout with Kat and Adam, but I cancelled. I made up some bullshit excuse, because I was too embarrassed to admit that I was having bad anxiety.


Even though my anxiety was bad, I still had to get my prescription filled. And luckily my step dad gave me $10 for dinner. Although, I had no intentions of spending it on food. So yeah...I got my friend Matt to come with me, because like I said earlier; its not safe around here. So I bought cigarettes at the store, then we headed to the pharmacy. It didn't take long for my medication to be ready. But I later realized that they fucked it up. They didn't cut a fifth of my Clonazepam pills in half, and they gave me 300 mg of Wellbutrin instead of 450 mg. Oh well. Less chemicals to fuck with my head. :P

We went on a mini adventure afterwards, which led us to underneath the bridge. We had a bunch of random conversations. That went on for a couple hours. But it kept getting colder and bugs kept flocking around us. So we decided to go to McDonald's. Our journey there was long and difficult. We began joking that we were Frodo (Matt) and Sam (Me), and that we were on our way to Mordor (McDonald's). When we finally got there, he bought me some yummy food. I usually don't eat McDonald's...but damn, its delicious. :D

We walked uptown after that. And we kept walking the wrong way. Mostly my fault, LOL. But we eventually made it. And we sat by the bars for a while. We discussed my stories for a while, but the people in and around the bars were getting louder and louder. So we decided to leave. We walked to the high school around the corner from my house, sat and talked. We weren't there for very long though. I got tired, so he walked me home.

I didn't do anything interesting when I got home. But my penicillin ended! Yay! But unfortunately I had to start my new pills today. So far I'm not experiencing any side effects, which is good. But I don't like having to remember so many pills. I also made my homemade dip again! That is the only productive and interesting thing that I did today. My life is lame. I hope tomorrow will be better. -_-

P.S. My dad has started the David Lynch painting that I requested for Christmas. I think he is gonna send me a picture of how it looks so far. I'm excited! :D

Edit // October 13th @ 12:26 am: Spending my night watching Ghost Adventures. I'm kinda addicted to it thanks to my wifey Kara. Such an intense show! Makes me wanna be a paranormal investigator. :D

you don't want to be like me

♪♫ Carmen - Lana Del Rey

I slacked off again and now I have to write a super long blog. Ahhh. Alright, lets start with Thursday. I paid for my stuff on Ebay not long after I woke up. I was hoping to have at least $2.50 left (to buy a purple phone case), but I only have $1.40 left. Oh well. I think I'm gonna add another $20 to my PayPal soon. Not entirely sure though. I need to make sure I get everything I need first. If I do have the extra $20, I'm gonna buy Psycho II, Psycho III and Psycho IV (triple feature) on DVD. Its on my Christmas wishlist. Wooo! :)

Later in the evening, I had a wifey date with Kara. I met up with her and while we were on our way to the beach, we were discussing how Gen is missing (a local girl who I've met a few times) and how Kara doesn't like her older brother Mike (who I'm friends with). Then we ran into Mike, who was with a group of people that were all searching for Gen. It was so awkward. I feel bad, because I'm friends with Mike. Plus Gen is a sweetheart and I really hope she is found soon!

We finally made it down to the beach and we began to build a fire. It was our first time doing it (the guys usually do it), and we did a great job! It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be and we kept it going for over three hours! Anyways, we had girl talk, drank coolers, got stoned (I had no anxiety!), roasted marshmallows, ate chips and listened to nostalgic music (Rob Zombie, Coldplay, Rob Thomas, etc). And the sky was clear and we could see all the stars. It was so relaxing and peaceful. We're doing it again this week as far as I know. The weather is getting cold, so we don't have much time left!


BJ showed up a little bit before we decided to leave. I felt bad, because he wanted to enjoy the bonfire with us, but Kara had to go home. So we put the fire out, gathered our things and walked Kara home. BJ waited with me until my bus arrived, then I headed home. I had to buy a poutine at the pizza place around the corner from my house, because I had no groceries. Then I just spent the rest of evening relaxing.

I woke up on Friday to my mother telling me that she found a dead baby mouse. She was holding it and wanted to show me, but those types of things really upset me, so I turned away and told her to leave. Apparently it was poisoned by my landlord, accidentally stepped on by my step dad and mother, and chewed by my cat. Poor little guy. It breaks my heart when small defenseless animals are injured or killed. :(

I went back to sleep, then woke up later and spoke with quite a few people on Facebook. There is a pretty big panic about Gen right now. I spoke with Mike (her brother), and he is pretty torn up (completely understandable). I would join one of the search parties, but my anxiety is bad. Ugh. I also quickly got ready, because BJ showed up before I expected him to. We went to the pizza place around the corner from my house for dinner. We ended up discussing Gen and how upsetting the situation is. Especially seeing her missing posters everywhere. Its gotten so much more serious than we thought. :(

I had to borrow $20 from my savings account, so we went to the bank to get the money, then went to the bus stop. We ended up running into Colin and Logan. We made plans with Colin to drink at his place, which I really hope happens. I haven't partied with him in a while. Logan wasn't as talkative. But it was nice to see them. Anyways, BJ and I caught the bus heading north to do some shopping.

We went to Shopper's and the dollar store. BJ got me a discount at Shopper's (because he works there). I got things I needed and things I wanted. Yay! We ran into Garnet on our way to the pawn shop. We had a smoke with him and talked about hanging out soon. So weird that I rarely see him anymore. We used to be best friends. But he works so much, so it makes sense. Anyways, there wasn't anything interesting in the pawn shop, so we headed to the grocery store. I put my prescription in (for the penicillin - which is for the gum infection I have that was caused by my wisdom teeth coming in), then he helped me with my grocery shopping...which was really frustrating. We were adding everything up on a calculator and I went way over my budget. Ugh. I got my prescription and paid for my food. I was $110, which is approximately $30 over budget. So I only have $30 left for my next grocery order. But it makes sense. I did buy things that I don't normally buy; Pumpkin pie, whipped cream, cake mix, icing, Tostitos, and all the ingredients for chip dip (cream cheese, salsa, ground beef & marble cheese). By the middle of the month I'm gonna need; more bananas, Halloween candy, sprinkles, milk and pizza pockets. :3

BJ was lovely and helped me carry everything to my house. I put it all away, and he had to head home by the time I was finished. I was kinda sad because we didn't really get to spend a whole lot of time together. But he had to work the next day, so its understandable. I just feel like I'm missing him a lot lately because he is either at school, at work or studying/doing homework. Its a little frustrating. Anyways, I ended my night by tidying up my room and re-doing my budget. I've been doing a good job of keeping up with the cleanliness of my room. I'm proud. I also put my phone next to my bed so that I'll hear it ringing when I'm sleeping (I'm expecting a lot of important phone calls). Plus I got some cute pictures of myself. :D


Oh and my mom yelled out "wanna see my impression of a potato!?" from the living room and when I went to see, she was making a funny face and I couldn't stop laughing. What a weirdo. But then she showed me pictures of the dead baby mouse and I was sad. I feel like he deserves a little funeral. :(


I wasn't thrilled at all about waking up at 8:00 am this morning to start my penicillin (I have to take it every 8 hours - 8:00 am, 4:00 pm & 12:00 am). But I fell asleep right afterwards. And no side effects! Yay! I made chip dip a little while after I woke up. I struggled at first, because I don't know how to cook ground beef (I'm cooking impaired - its pretty bad), but my friend helped me out. The dip turned out perfect! Its so delicious! But wow...it was really filling. I only ate a quarter of it. And luckily Halloweentown was on TV (so much nostalgia), so I got to watch it while piggin' out on Tostitos and my homemade dip. ^_^


I was supposed to go to a party earlier, but everything got fucked up. Since a few women have went missing and turned up in the harbour, I've been avoiding going outside alone. So I couldn't go to the bus stop to get there. They're having the party without me and I'm pissed. The fact I'm having PMS doesn't help either. It caused me to have a panic attack and my anger has spiralled out of control. I wish I was better at managing it. Stupid mental issues. :(

My mom came home a little while ago and told me that she seen another mouse in our house. So I guess we have a mouse problem now. I'm not really bothered by it. I think they're cute. But they do carry diseases, so they have to be poisoned. I'm gonna try not to think about it, because it makes me sad. Anyways, I'm going to bed soon. My night has been shitty. I'm depressed, angry and I don't feel like doing anything whatsoever. -_-