on the edge of something breakin'

♪♫ I Was Never There - The Weeknd

I finally moved into my house! The actual moving day went smoothly. Weather was decent, people showed to help, we got it done faster than expected, and nothing bad happened. However, since then, its been really rough. We spent a week without appliances (fridge, stove, washer, dryer, & dishwasher), because they couldn't deliver them immediately. We had men coming and going to do final touches on the inside of the house. We found out that we can't get internet, cable, or a landline phone here because its too new. We also didn't have our address officially recognized by Canada Post, so getting mail was difficult. Plus we kept having to buy things we didn't think of. We also have not finished unpacking!

Things have gotten much better though. We have all our appliances now. Everything is done on the inside of the house. We ended up getting Starlink (Elon Musk's satellite internet) since we could get any local internet. Canada Post just recently recognized our address, so we can get our mail. I am still not done unpacking. Its been very difficult between school and work to find the time. I still have to paint my bedroom walls and put up my posters/wall decor too. The last and final things to do will be to buy a desk and chair from Ikea for my room, and shelves for my DVDs/Blu-rays/VHS tapes for the living room. Hopefully that will be done before August. Its so close to be completed!

I ended up coming into some extra money that I didn't anticipate, so I purchased more stuff for my room. I got another Bob Masse poster (The Doors), a gorgeous '60s inspired poster that says "listen to vinyl", a picture of a crying '20s flapper girl (reason is that its one of my favorite art images), a remote/phone wall mount, a picture of Laura Palmer, three psychedelic art postcards, a fall sweater with a pumpkin design, a sunset lamp, two flower shaped coasters, and an orange flower pillow. Just waiting for it all to show up now! I also got a beautiful new plant; a pink African Violet, and I found a vintage kleenex box at the thrift store for $3 that matches my bedroom!

Some more exciting updates; my mom made me curtains! She has been sewing all her life, so I gave her two vintage sheets that I really love (same pattern) and she agreed to make them into curtains!

There are a few small things I still need to buy, like paint & paint supplies, a power bar to plug my electronics into, a frame for a painting, a couple more fitted sheets for my bed, tape for my posters, and a hand towel holder. For myself, I would also like to buy Cyberpunk 2077 for my PS4. Once those things are purchased, I will not be buying anything else. The money I had set aside for house-related things is almost depleted now. I am no no means broke though. I had planned to still keep some money in my savings and use some for my trip next month when I made the budget several months ago. I just don't want to go over my house-specific budget. So far though, I think I can still purchase the rest of what I need without going over the limit. Yay!

I will also be posting lots of videos and pictures once my bedroom is complete. Hopefully in a couple weeks. Maybe a bit longer depending on how long it takes for my posters/postcards/pictures to arrive. I plan on making TikToks to showcase my bedroom and collection. I by no means am interested in becoming a TikTok star, haha. I just want to share my love of retro aesthetics and maybe meet some cool folks who are into the same stuff. Once that starts up, I will post the link to my TikTok profile if anyone wants to follow! With that being said, I'm gonna go finish up some cleaning. I hope everyone is doing well!

i'll be on the way

♪♫ Montero (Call Me By Your Name) - Lil Nas X

Its been over a month since I last blogged. I've been struggling with winter depression, so I haven't felt up to writing anything. I moved back into my house (aka my workplace). Sadly, my client/youth was removed from the program for inappropriate behavior towards me. It was honestly scary and I think it contributed to the depression I was already experiencing. Since then I've been alone in the house, just waiting for more clients/youth to be moved in. I've been cleaning everything super well to prepare, but also doing a lot for myself...

I bought myself a makeup vanity, which is super cute! I really needed a place for all my makeup/hair products, so its been really useful. The sink in my room was removed and the guy who did it also made me an extra shelf for my plants! He was so nice! He also added in a storage bench in front of my window. I went to the dollar store and bought a blanket and some cushions to make it look fancier, haha. I also bought two more plants; a succulent named Gus and a venus flytrap named Scully! Oh and I no longer have blue in my hair. I've dyed it pink instead!

Speaking of plants, I also got a cute rearview mirror decoration for my car; a fake succulent in a little terracotta pot in a macrame hanger. Its so cute! I'm trying to obtain all the plant decorations to give off the vibes that I'm actually a fairy that lives inside a mushroom house in a field of wildflowers, haha. Speaking of that... as you can see, I also updated my blog theme! I'm currently obsessed with mushrooms, so I thought it would be the perfect blog theme!

This past weekend, we held a cute little tea party at work! It was my idea and my coworker got excited about the idea, so we made it happen! We even wore cute little flowery outfits for the ocassion. She had tons of vintage tea cups/tea pots that she brought from home and together we put the food together (sandwiches & sweets). It was so cute! She brought this peach flavored tea, which was amazing. I went out and bought a box of it afterwards!

This summer I have plans to make a terrarium. If the first one goes well, I'm making tons more! This will also require me to spend lots of time in the forest, which I love. I'm so excited! I'm hoping to make a spooky themed one and a fairy garden themed one. It all depends on how things go. I hope it turns out! Here are some inspirational photos of terrariums that I found online...

That is all for now! I am hoping to keep up more with blogging... we will see how that goes, haha!

want you to take me for a ride

♪♫ Harleys in Hawaii - Katy Perry

I'm back! I've been busy lately with packing to temporarily move, buying/wrapping Christmas presents and working as always. I finally managed to finish my Christmas gift shopping and gift wrapping today! Yay! So excited to give everyone their gifts! Speaking of gifts, I got one of my birthday gifts early; a Christmas cactus! I've named her Esmerelda. She is a beauty!

Another plant related update; my African Violet has started blooming randomly! It usually only blooms in the summer, but it randomly began blooming again. I'm so thrilled!

I've been temporarily living with my grandmother. I am on a stress leave for a few months from my live-in job. It just became too stressful to be working 24/7 in a pandemic. My boss was very understanding and they offered for me to go on leave. Its been really relaxing so far and I've gotten to spend time with my cat! I'm also still working my other job, which has been helpful for income. My stress leave is unpaid, so I still need money for bills. I also won a $100 Walmart gift card from a draw at work! Plus they handed out $5 Starbucks gift cards, so I got one of those as well. Woohoo!

My birthday is in a week (December 17th). Sadly because of the pandemic, I will not be doing a whole lot. What I have planned is; a bath with a Lush bath bomb, a face mask, painting my nails, getting dressed up, ordering out food (veggie chili & veggie pizza), having french macarons, having cake, opening presents and watching a movie. Luckily I'm staying with a couple family members, so I can celebrate with them as well. Next year I will just have to party twice as hard, haha.

That is all for now! I will blog again next week after my birthday. I hope everyone's holidays are going well despite the pandemic. Stay healthy and safe!

talk to me in poems and songs

♪♫ Let Me Love You Like a Woman - Lana Del Rey

Damn... its been a month and a half since I last wrote a blog! Its been a busy time lately, plus I have been overly stressed from work. I'm going on a stress leave from one of my jobs, which will be very helpful. Its for three months and it starts in a little over a week from now. Anyways, a lot has happened and since I don't feel like writing a super long blog, I'm just going to list it in bullet point form in no particular order...

• I went to visit my family for Thanksgiving. Where I live, we had no covid cases at all during the time of Thanksgiving. We have about 20 cases now though. Anyways, my aunt made a killer pumpkin spice cheesecake, I got to binge watch The Haunting of Bly Manor, and I went for a walk in the woods where I found a ton of cool mushrooms!


• I got two new tattoos; a jack-o-lantern with bats on my leg and purple/pink flowers on my forearm!

• I didn't get to do anything fun for Halloween, sadly. I was supposed to go to a party and I had a cute '20s flapper girl costume, but then I got sick with cold symptoms. I had to get tested for covid, which came back negative, but I still had to isolate for a week until I wasn't sick anymore. I did get to hangout with some friends and watch a few horror movies with treats before Halloween. On the actual day of Halloween, I relaxed in bed with a bowl of candy and had a Halloween (Michael Myers) marathon.

• I got three new houseplants; two succulents and a fern. In order from left to right their names are; Alice, Freida, and Dinah.

• I bought a cute pumpkin mask and got lots of compliments on it. I'm still wearing it, even though Halloween has ended, haha!

• I have been going to thrift stores/antique stores and keeping my eyes out for items to collect for my future house. I found a super cute vintage '70s magazine rack with mushrooms painted on it for $25, so I bought it! I haven't found anything else yet, but I'm hoping to find some vintage dishes.

• I bought Lana Del Rey's new poetry book; Violet Bent Backwards Over The Grass. I've read a few poems so far and I have been enjoying it. Its inspiring me to write poetry again. Its been a while since I wrote anything.

• We had a freak strorm here that left behind a lot of snow, but it was so warmm the next day/it rained, so it went away fairly quickly. I mean, I do live in Canada so we definitely do have a lot of snow in the winter, but not in October!

Aside from all of that, I've been working on my list of Christmas gifts to buy, I applied for a full time job very recently, I've been thinking more about the future house I want to buy/planning it all out, and I have been spending time with my family's cat. I am hoping to blog more frequently, but who knows how busy I'll be! I hope everyone is well! I am going to try and return comments! Also; I updated the "author" section finally!

you'll never have to wonder

♪♫ Whenever, Wherever - Shakira

I was hoping to write a blog much earlier, but life got really hectic. I have to plan everything ahead of time because every single day, I have almost no free time at all. I'm only able to write this blog because I woke up two hours early (I worked an overnight shift last night). I have been super stressed from work and I feel really dragged down. I'm not entirely sure how to deal with it. Part of me wants to quit my live-in job, but the money is really good and its allowing me to save to buy a house. I check the house listing a few times a week, but so far nothing has completely caught my eye. I'm hoping to find a mini home that isn't in a mobile home park, but on a private land. That way its cheap, small, and I'll have privacy.

I was able to go on a vacation recently, which was great! I went for a week to visit my best friend in another province. We spent the week partying, eating amazing food, listening to good music, having good chats, and going for adventures in the forest. I wish it had lasted much longer!


I've made some awesome purchases lately; fall decorations, a mushroom mug, and Lush products...


One of my cacti died a couple weeks ago. I noticed it looked sunken in, so I tried removing it gently from the pot, but then it turned to mush and completely fell apart. I was very upset. To cheer myself up, I bought two new plants; Tony and Salma. They're so pretty! I wish I could buy more, but I'm temporarily moving for a couple months. My house is being renovated (which is also my workplace), so my work is paying for us to stay in an Airbnb until December. I'm excited for renovations, but not thrilled that I have to move temporarily. Hopefully it goes smoothly...

I got another tattoo! Its a blue rose which is a symbol for mystery. Mystery is something that has been a big theme in my life. I'm so thrilled with how it turned out! I also got my "destiny" tattoo touched up. It looks better than it did before, but still not amazing. Oh well, I've learned to love it.

Lastly, I took a new selfie recently and I love how I look! I've been feeling really beautiful lately.

I hope everyone is doing well!

all the lights are sparkling for you

♪♫ Salvatore - Lana Del Rey

I've been super busy since I last blogged... I've mostly been busy with work, but also with running tons of errands, including going through a car wash for the first time (which was fun haha)! I also ended up buying a bunch of decorations for my bedroom and two new plants (I've named them Luna and Soleil). I re-arranged and decorated my bedroom to cheer myself up and it worked! Definitely loving the new look! All I have left to do is re-pot two of my plants and put together my new nightstand.

Speaking of things I bought... The Last of Us Part II arrived and I've been playing it. So far I've had a mixture of feelings about it. I'm mostly enjoying it, but part of the story has been upsetting. Hopefully it improves as the story goes on. Anyways, I also bought other things; a big order of clothes from Shein (plus a moon wall hanging decoration). I really needed new clothes and I got a bunch for only about $160. Not too bad! I hope they all fit. I measured myself and matched it up with the measurements for the sizes on each item, so I hope that was accurate.

My work has offered to pay for me to have two nights away again! This time, I decided to check out Airbnb and see what was available because I really didn't want to stay in a hotel again. I ended up finding a tiny little cottage out in the country by a lake and it was less than $200 including all taxes and fees for two nights! My work told me that my limit was $200 before taxes and fees, so it worked out perfectly! I booked it for two weeks from now and I've been making plans for what I'm going to do when I'm there. Definitely going to take advantage of sitting by the lake and enjoy the sunrise and sunset!

I have a week off from work starting on July 7th. I'm so excited! I'm planning on getting my hair cut that week, plus I'm going to dye it blue underneath myself (I've done it before so I'm confident it will turn out - plus I watch a lot of Brad Mondo videos haha). In late July, I'm going to start planning out my tattoo. I want to get a tattoo that will be inspired by the movie Mulholland Drive. I have a few ideas so far, but I need to spend more time thinking about it. I'm feeling so much better now that I'm being myself again!

I also have noticed that I've gained some weight lately. I suppose its hard not to when it comes to being quarantined. I am planning on going back to eating healthier. I bought a bunch of healthy food last night I'm planning out my meals today for the next week. Wish me luck! Thats all for now. I'm going to have dinner with my family in a few hours. I hope everyone is well!

happy 10 year anniversary to my blog!

♪♫ Brass Devil - Parov Stelar

Thats right! I have had this blog for exactly 10 years today! I have been blogging in general for almost 15 years, but I've had this blog for 10 of those years and its been a wonderful journey. This blog has helped me in so many ways, mostly with processing a lot of past trauma and emotions about things. I have come a long way since I started this blog. I was 17 years old and was living on my own through a program for homeless teens. I was a high school dropout and was binge drinking frequently. My mental health was garbage. I was dirt poor. I smoked cigarettes. I was self destructive and chaotic. Now I'm 27 and I'm a live-in support worker for youth. I have another job at a homeless shelter for youth and I have maybe 5 glasses of wine per year. My mental health is stable. I make a comfortable income. I quit smoking. I do lots of self care and I'm calm. I feel completely different! Anyways, I got a little cake to celebrate...

Another small anniversary announcement; its been one year since I graduated from college! Woo!

Moving on... quarantine restrictions have been lifted where I live. Not entirely, but we can do a lot more stuff now. I was able to visit my family a few days ago and we had pizza/set up a porch swing on my grandmother's deck. Next week I'm going to see them for a family BBQ! I also went for lunch with my dad yesterday and we looked around in a few local stores. I ended up buying 4 more little cacti babies and a cactus light as well. Oh and at work I made some cute things; a travel journal and two roll on essential oils (I love unexpected self care)! I can't tell you how wonderful it felt to go out and do normal things again. It really reduced my level of stress. I'm excited to do more stuff!

The ones in the white pots are new! I've named them (from left to right); Theodora, Lana, Frank, Ed, and Lou! The cactus light isn't very bright, but its cute.

Also... look at my first baby's flowers! It hasn't bloomed in so long and I'm so excited!

Here is the travel journal and roll on essential oils.

Yesterday I also got a bed frame for my bed. My boss dropped it off, along with a mattress cover. She also gave me a thank you card and told me that I'll be getting a Bed, Bath and Beyond gift card soon (because I worked through the pandemic)! Speaking of new stuff, I also did a lot of online shopping recently. I bought a new planner that I can start using in August. Its different than my old one, but I am excited to try out a different format. I also bought tons of stickers for it and some washi tape. I also ordered a grow lamp for my cacti (I live in Canada & there isn't enough sun for my cacti to be happy) and a night table (I was using a standing tray thingy from the dollar store - I decided its time to treat myself to a nice night table)!

One last purchase announcement; The Last of Us Part II is out tomorrow! I already have it pre-ordered, so I'm just going to wait to get it in the mail. Hopefully it comes early next week. I really want to play it on Tuesday when I have a day off from work (I work for the next 5 days). I'll have to grab some munchies too. I'm so excited! I also heard they are introducing a transgender character, which is so awesome! I love how diverse the game is!

That is all for now. I'm going to go read my old blogs and reminisce about the old days. If you are interested in reading my old blogs, my archive is at the bottom of the page. You can even read my first blog on June 18th, 2010! Anyways, I hope everyone is well!

black lives matter

♪♫ I Won't Sell My Soul - Zheani

Wow... its been a month since I last blogged... where did the time go? There were so many times that I planned to blog, but then I didn't. Oops! Anyways, I just got back from my mini vacation. Since one of my jobs is a live-in support worker, I have literally been at work 24/7 for the entire duration of this pandemic. When I'm not at home, I'm at my other work. My boss informed me that they were going to pay for me to stay in a hotel for a couple nights and they were giving me money for my dinners, because I needed a break. My work is so amazing. They are always so understanding! Anyways, I just got back from that mini vacation today, so I'll talk about how it went...

It was awesome! I got to drink lots of sparkling wine, ate french macarons, ate chocolate, ordered lots of food, had two relaxing baths with bath bombs, used a face mask, and watched lots of stuff on Netflix and Shudder! I wish I could have stayed for a couple more nights, but unfortunately I have to go back to work tomorrow. Although I only went to the hotel for the weekend, I also had the week off before that from my other job, so it was a decent break and I definitely feel recharged. Maybe not fully, but enough to get by.

A big thing that has also recently happened is; I came out as pansexual... again. I came out as bisexual back when I was 14. I had a really bad reaction. Then I continued getting... not great reactions over the years. When I moved to a different province, I just stopped telling people. I remained in the closet... till a few days ago. I decided since its pride month, that I wanted to come out and stay out. I want to be myself. So I told everyone. All good reactions so far. Everyone is supportive. I think I've realized, and I have somewhat known this for a long time... I am mostly attracted to women. Like... probably 80% women and 20% men. I don't know how to put myself out there, but I want to focus on dating women and I am so excited about it!

Another big thing I want to discuss is Black Lives Matter. I support the movement/protests and have been working hard sharing information with others and donating money. I want to help in any way that I can. I urge everyone to please stand up and do not stick your head in the sand to ignore everything that is happening. We need to stick together!

Lastly, the number of cases in my province have been either 0 or 1 for the past week, so they have lifted a lot of restrictions. I am on a waitlist to get my hair done, I have an appointment for a massage and I reserved a table at my favorite restaurant to have dinner with my grandmother! I'm so excited! Soon I'm also going to get bleach and blue hair dye to dye my hair, plus I'm going to get a tattoo at some point soon too! Also two other random pieces of info; I didn't get the quilt because it wasn't in stock. I've given up for now. Oh and my plant is blooming again! I thought it would never bloom again! Anyways, I'm going to watch Netflix and eat sour cherry blasters for the rest of the night. I hope all is well!