guess who is a homeowner?!

♪♫ Lost in the Fire - The Weeknd

I intended to blog much sooner than this, but everything in my life kinda just went to hell. I was evicted from where I'm living. Not because of anything I did. I'll explain; I was renting a room from my cousin along with two other relatives. My cousin got into an argument with one of the relatives and decided she wants us all to leave. Its been a lot of drama and stress. Myself and the other two relatives decided to buy a house together. Where I live, the rent is really high (costs the same for an apartment monthly that it does for a house), and its also hard to find both rentals and houses. Due to that fact, we decided that going for a house is better because at least that way we will own it and get our money back at some point. We also each had signifcant money in our savings and good credit on top of that.

So we applied for a mortgage, and we got approved for $395k! This was exciting, because its usually enough to buy a duplex or small house, but... sadly the market got really crazy. We bid on about seven homes and lost each one. The last one we actually were the highest bid, but the person they chose had cash and so they got chosen over us. It was super frustrating. Just three or four months ago, there were still many homes going for around $350k. Our real estate agent says she isn't sure why, but the market just exploded right before we began searching for a house, which is super bad luck. It was so frustrating and discouraging.

But good news! We got a house! We purchased a brand new mini home just outside of the city. Its in the country, but my drive to work is actually only ten minutes longer because I already lived on the outskirt of the city. The home itself isn't actually ready because its still in the factory, but it will be delivered mid May and then it will be hooked up to power/septic/whatever else by the end of May and we can move in! Although we haven't seen the house in person, we did go inside of a show home and it was amazing! They are built much wider now and using the same materials that regular houses are built with. For example, the house has regular drywall instead of the vinyl panels that a lot of mini/mobile homes are usually made with. The kitchen is bigger than all the regular houses we had bid on too!

Our monthly payments including mortgage, utilities, property tax, and internet is the exact same price that most three bedroom apartments are listed for in my city (and thats utilities NOT included)! We are saving money, and since mini homes are built much better now, they should retain their value, meaning we will get our money back when we sell. Maybe even more if the market is hot whenever we sell it! We haven't fully calculated how much each of us is paying because we need to see our bills first, but I estimate that I'll be paying around $650 monthly. As a student, that is pretty affordable compared to what my other options would be. If I went off on my own, I'd have to put my stuff in storage (costing $150 monthly), and rent a room in student housing (which costs $600-$1000).

Until then, however, my life will be stressful. My cousin wants us out of here by the 1st of April, so I'm going to move with my dad at the end of the week. He lives in a bachelor apartment, so its not ideal. But he got an extra mattress for him to sleep on and says I can sleep on his bed. The nice thing is that its close to my work (a five minute walk away), but I won't have privacy or feel really at home for two months. My only comfort is knowing that by the summertime, I'll be in my own home out in the country and I can have iced drinks on my deck as I listen to music with the sun shining down on me. Sounds so perfect!

I also have plans for my bedroom! This will be no surprise, but I'm going to have a '60s/'70s aesthetic. I have a list of items I'm going to buy and I have the savings all ready to make the purchases when the time comes. Here is what I'm getting...

Top row (left to right): platform bed frame, dresser (that I'll use for my TV as well), & desk for school/writing.
Bottom row (left to right): vintage gold metal record stand, yellow computer chair, & the shade of orange I'm painting my walls.
I have more things I want to buy, but will get those items over time. These are what I want to start with. In addition to those purchases, here is some of what I already have to add to the '60s/'70s aesthetic...

Top row (left to right): floral vintage bedding (this is just a portion of my collection), vintage bedsheet that my mom is going to turn into curtains for my room, & a granny square blanket.
Bottom row (left to right): vintage moon staircase shelf, my record player, & vintage mushroom magazine rack.

I have lots more, but these are the main big items for my room. My collecion of vintage kitchenware will be placed inside a china cabinet in the dining room.
I'm so excited to have a bedroom that feels like home. I haven't had that in a long time. Where I'm living now with my cousin, I was just sleeping on a couch in the basement. Most of my stuff has been in storage and I miss it!

In addition to that, my school semester is almost over... which means its a super stressful time. I have a lot of assignments and projects due soon. Plus exams in a few weeks. I don't even get the summer off, because I signed up for summer classes to speed up my degree. However, I have two weeks at the end of August before the fall semester starts, so I'm going to visit New Brunswick during that time. I can't wait! I'm going to see my best friend and get drunk like I did when I was a teenager, haha. It'll be well deserved after these few months of hell.

I hope everyone is doing well!

the world is yours and you can't refuse it

♪♫ Love - Lana Del Rey

I've had a very stressful couple of weeks. Last week I had a ton of school work to do, plus two presentations. Unfortunately, there were three snow days, which made it very difficult to complete my work. I did manage to do it though! For both of my presentations (along with my group), I got marks in the 90s! I'm so proud of myself! The teacher says she was very impressed by our presentation skills! Although the school work and presentations worked out, there were some personal issues that occurred that week...

A male friend in my class had a major breakdown and upset a lot of people. I don't want to go into detail because its confidential, but it was very stressful for me. That happened on Friday, so it ruined my evening a bit due to me still thinking about it. It was a lot of drama. But... things got much better on Saturday! I got a drive to Halifax (aka home), where I have been spending my spring break for the past week. I still have a few days left too! Although I have still had to do homework and some personal issues have popped up (with the male friend I mentioned earlier, my mom's mental health & my cousin's anxiety), its been a pretty good week!

» When I arrived on Saturday, we went out for groceries and I got garlic fingers with donair sauce for dinner. I had a lot of packages waiting for me too, so I opened them up! I also watched the latest episode of Riverdale. Its getting so good! Oh, and I took a new selfie!


I got: a tie dye sun/moon tapestry, Rob Zombie's 31 on Blu-ray, "I need more space" t-shirt, coffin purse and a serape duster.


Loving my new serape duster! It makes me feel like a queen!
» I bought a new pair of yoga pants on Sunday, plus my grandmother gave me a pair of hers that she didn't want anymore. I won't bothering posting a picture of them. They're both just basic black yoga pants. Also, I got caught up on Bates Motel. I'm ready for the next season!

» On Monday I went out for tea/coffee with the Brownie leaders I used to volunteer with. They told me about the unfortunate passing of another Brownie leader that I worked with for a little while. It was a shock. We discussed lots of different things. They also invited me to come to Brownies tonight to see the girls again, which I happily agreed to! It was lovely to see them again!

» I went to my dad's on Tuesday. We walked around downtown and I did a bit of shopping. After that, we got vegan double bacon cheeseburgers for dinner and went to see Hidden Figures (it was really good!). When we got back to his apartment, I had to deal, via text, with my mother having some severe mental issues (I had to call the police to take her to the hospital).


EnVie in Halifax has the best vegan burgers!


Some other awesome vegan food I have had in the past week; English breakfast, chickpea of the sea sandwich + tortilla chips, spicy bean wrap and Tuscan chickpea salad.
» On Wednesday, my dad and I went to the mall for the afternoon. I went on a bit of a shopping spree... haha. It felt good to buy myself lots of stuff. I also got to go to HMV and get a few items, which I'm both happy and sad about because they're closing soon for good. After the mall, my dad came back to my house and had dinner. Then I ended my night by doing homework (which I passed in 20 minutes before the due date) and fighting with my male friend, who I won't be talking to anymore.


What I bought: grey leggings, magenta tank top, black tank top, Hogwarts travel cup, The Hateful Eight on DVD, Supernatural poster, The Two Princesses of Bamarre by Gail Carson Levine, Harry Potter pen/bookmark combo, a Led Zeppelin coin purse and flip flops (not pictured).
I also got an email last night from a t-shirt making website... they said that I won a free t-shirt! I did enter a contest there a little while back, so I must have won! I looked into it and it seems legit... I just always feel suspicious when it comes to winning things online and getting something for free. It seems too good to be true, haha. Well... hopefully it is real. Anyways, they told me to pick any design/color that I wanted and I went with this one...


I definitely knew that I wanted a Lord of the Rings shirt, since I don't already have one. They had quite a few to pick from, but this one caught my eye!
Today I'm going to finish up my homework and visit my old Brownie unit. I also want to watch a movie at some point today. I need some relaxation time! I'm still a bit stressed out...

i see another mountain to climb

♪♫ The Greatest - Sia

Oh no! It looks like I haven't blogged in a few weeks... so sorry! I have been crazy busy lately with school and volunteer work (I volunteer at a homeless shelter & a youth center). But I decided to take this weekend off because I feel really overworked and I need some me time. It feels so good to be able to really relax for the first time in a long time! Anyways, I'm going to do this blog in bullet points to save myself the hassle of writing a ton of paragraphs. It will be in no particular order either...

I took some beautiful pictures of the fall leaves.

I got about 2/3 of my Christmas shopping done! Once its completed, I will post pictures on my blog of what I bought for everyone!

I've been re-watching Lost. I'm on season four now. It never fails to make me feel comforted and at home.

I got sick of how my room looked, so I re-arranged the furniture. It actually improved my mood quite a bit! I think the feng shui was really off before.

I got my learner's license! I'm so relieved that I finally passed the test!

I finally got more supplies to make more Twin Peaks inspired rings! I'm gonna get started tomorrow.

The food bank gave me a lot of food that I couldn't eat because it was either not vegetarian or expired (I donated all the non-expired stuff to the homeless shelter I volunteer at). Potatoes was one of the only things that I could use, so I ended up making roasties with sea salt, Italian seasoning and garlic powder! They were sooo good!

I got a $1700 government grant! They said I can spend it on whatever I want, so I'm using $700 for driver's ed and I'm saving the rest!

I've been trying to stick with a plant based/whole food diet lately because my physical health isn't doing so well due to eating a lot of junk food since college began. So one of meals lately was a delicious taco salad! It was good, but next time I'm going to add some organic salsa to make it amazing!

I played Dungeons and Dragons for the first time! A bunch of people from the youth center I volunteer at got together on a Monday evening and played a game for a couple hours with some snacks and drinks. It was a really great time! I'm glad that I got out and socialized a bit, since I'm usually stuck in my room by myself most of the time.

To celebrate getting the $1700 grant, I bought myself a couple treats; a new wallet (really needed one because my old one fell apart) and some cute coffin earrings. I also bought myself some spinach dip and tortilla chips from a local restaurant, which I took home and pigged out on, haha!

I've been having a lot of issues with social assistance. They aren't really helping me at all and it doesn't seem like they care that I'm a starving college student. Luckily I have family, friends and the food bank to help me out though.

I watched Leonardo Dicaprio's new documentary Before The Flood and it was fantastic! I highly recommend that everyone watches it! Its available for free on YouTube, just search for it!

I dressed up a bit for Halloween. I wore a little witch hat and some pumpkin earrings. Plus I did my makeup more dramatic than usual and wore black (which I do often anyways). It was a lot of fun!

My college class decided to have a pot luck for Halloween. It went super well and I was sooo full by the end of it. My favorite thing was a green mac 'n cheese that a girl in my class made. It had cream cheese added to it, which made it unbelievably amazing!

I didn't do a whole lot for Halloween night, sadly. I just ate some candy and watched Lost.

To celebrate making it 1/2 of the way through the first semester of school, my teachers brought in a cake for our whole class! It was sickeningly good!

Next weekend is a four day weekend and I'm going home for a visit! I'm so happy! I'm gonna have a vegan double bacon cheeseburger with a vegan poutine and a vegan taco salad from my favorite vegan restaurants! There are no vegan places here, which is why I'm so excited, haha! I'm also excited to see my family and do some shopping!

I treated myself to a cute festive pajama set. I seen it at the grocery store and I had to have it!

I'm having a really hard time with some people at school that I have to work with. They are 18 and quite immature. I find it really stressful, but one of my teachers said she would deal with it, so I'm gonna try not to think about it and just focus on my own stuff.

My best friend Kara sent me a picture of her son (my godson) Bentley and I from a few Halloweens ago. He was a horse and I was Alex from A Clockwork Orange. Even though I look like hell, I really adore the picture!

That is all for now! I'm gonna take a shower, watch some more Lost, have spicy veggie chili with tortilla chips for dinner and maybe start re-reading some of my favorite fan fictions from years ago. I hope everyone is doing well! Goodbye for now!

at the end of the road

♪♫ 21 Guns - Green Day

Thursday wasn't a very good day. It started out good though. I got my money from my mum. She also gave me extra to buy pizza for Matt and I. Went home after that, and relaxed. Then Matt went to Peer. I browsed the web until he got home. Then we went to the mall. All I ended up getting was a phone card, and we got dinner at the food court. I still didn't feel like going home, so we walked to the Giant Tiger. Didn't find anything there. So I made a quick stop into the liquor store and bought myself wine and got spiced rum for Matt. Went home (I randomly seen Paul on the way). We got comfy and began drinking. I ended up drinking almost 2 bottles of wine. I was drunk as hell. And Matt got mad. We had a fight (because he thought I was too drunk). It ruined my night. I locked myself in my bedroom and blasted System of a Down. Ugh. :(


Friday was a much better day. My Kobo mini arrived! I can't believe it! It was only 2 days since I ordered it! So happy! So I began downloading Ebooks. Got about 63 now. Anyways, Matt's mom picked me up and took me to make a payment on my furniture set. Its down to 400 now! One more payment and its done! So happy! And I have an extra $50 this month. Yay! When we got home, Matt's mom gave us cookies from the bakery, then both his parents left. I continued to download Ebooks. Matt watched YouTube videos. Then we grabbed a late dinner and watched Clownhouse. So much creepier after finding out what the director behind the scenes. :/


Today has been slow. I downloaded more Ebooks mostly. I also decided that I'm going to re-write Time Is Running Out and publish it in Ebook form! I found a site that will produce it on paper for people to buy on Amazon. I'm so excited! I downloaded a program that will help me organize the book and decorate it. Speaking of books, I also ordered a book; Titanic Crossing. I loved it when I was 12! When I get more money, I'm gonna buy all the books that I loved when I was a child. Ah, nostalgia. :)

today is where your book begins

♪♫ Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield

I can't believe that I'm writing another blog so soon! My motivation is definitely back! I'm sooo happy! Yesterday was an unexpectedly good day. Matt went job searching, I did a lot of writing, then I just felt really bored for a while. I was thinking of things to do, then I remembered seeing a poster at Starbucks for a play; Alice Through The Looking Glass. I looked it up online and it turns out that the theatre isn't far from where I live, the tickets were only $15 and it wasn't sold out! So I asked Matt's mum if I could borrow the money, and thankfully she agreed. I was so excited! :D

I actually had to wait a few hours until she got off work. So while I waited, I decided to download a bunch of movies. Ones I have never seen before and ones that I wanna re-watch. Mostly kid's movies from the '80s - '90s (Hook, Labyrinth, The Pagemaster & more!). I won't have the time to watch them until next weekend though. I'm thinking a big marathon with lots of munchies and a big fleece blanket? Yeah...that sounds perfect. ^_^

So anyways, Matt's mum drove straight from work to pick me up. It took us a little bit to actually find the theatre. But we did find it...obviously. I was thinking it would take a minute to buy a ticket and leave. But I seriously couldn't find anyone for ten minutes. I searched the entire building. It was eerie. When I finally made my way back to the front door, the play director came out of nowhere. So I finally got to buy the ticket! On an unrelated note; I also got a text message from BJ. He wanted me to come chill with him and Missy. He picked a pretty good time to ask, since Matt's mum was willing to drive me. Because if had been home, I would have said no. I hate walking, LOL. xD


Chilling with BJ and Missy was awesome. We walked around. Both outside and inside. Had hilarious and weird conversations. Matt joined us when he was done job searching. Then we all went to Jungle Jim's, which was an amazing time. We didn't have a whole lot money, so we all shared The Kitchen Sink (basically a pile of random food - enough to feed a family), which is only $25. We all had water to drink, except for BJ. He decided to get The Hurricane. Which is giant liquor filled drink that will surely get any person at least buzzed, LOL. And we took a bunch of silly pictures (mainly making fun of people on Instagram). We forgot to take one of BJ though. Oops, haha. :P



We went to a bar afterwards. But everyone was broke. So we just watched BJ get drunk and play the slot machines, haha. I didn't mind though. However...I wasn't a fan of going outside every ten minutes (BJ & Missy are smokers). It was really cold. Ugh. But y'know what? The best part of the entire day was just the fact I got out of the house. I'm so proud of myself! My Agoraphobia and depression are fading away! :3

Today started out a little bit stressful. Matt and I had a small fight. I don't really wanna go into detail though. So anyways, I got all dressed up, did my makeup and attempted to make my hair look fancy (not sure if I did though?). Then Matt walked me to the theatre for Alice Through The Looking Glass! The play was awesome. I wasn't sure what to expect to be honest. But the kids were so great! Especially the girl who played Alice! Not only did I get a good seat with a good view, I also got some great pictures! I need to go to plays more often. They're so magical. ^_^


I ran into Matt on my way home. He bought me chilli for dinner. Then I found flowers on the bed when I got home, and he gave me a back rub! He told me that he had walked around outside the entire time I was at the theatre. Doing what? Picking flowers to give me! Awww. Too cute! Best boyfriend ever? Fuck yeah! Oh, plus he apologized for the fight we had. Which was his fault. But I understand why he was upset, so we're working on it. ♥ ♥ ♥


Since then, I've pretty much just been spending time with Matt. Its going quite lovely! Right now he is making pizza for us. Then I'm gonna pick out a movie for us to watch. Depending on how full we are after the pizza, I may make popcorn too. I'm not sure yet. But I do know that we'll have a good night no matter what we do. ;D ♥

'cause i just don't care

♪♫ Burning Desire - Lana Del Rey

Well, not a whole lot has happened lately. But I'm writing a blog anyways. I'll start with Tuesday; I mainly just looked online for craft supplies. I'm thinking about making necklaces, decorated DS styluses and pin buttons. But I'm not sure yet. I also watched a lot of Penn & Teller: Bullshit! Damn, I love that show, LOL. Oh and Matt got into a bad mood around midnight. I don't even know why. But I ended up sleeping on the floor in my bedroom. Plus eating a banana, bread and tuna, with a glass of water. And watching more Penn & Teller: Bullshit! What a ghetto night...ugh...


It was my grandmother's birthday on Wednesday. Happy birthday nanny! That was pretty much the only good thing about that day. Matt and I fought for the most part. He has been in such a bad mood lately. Its really getting under my skin. I try to work things out, but I have such an anger problem. Ugh. -_-

Thursday wasn't much better of a day. My Xbox 360 broke. I was so upset. I still am. But Matt took his Xbox 360 out of the living room and put it in our room. So I can still fall asleep watching movies and TV shows. And nothing else really occurred. Well...I did decide to sell all my Xbox 360 stuff. I'm hoping to save up for a PS3. Way better investment! :P

Yesterday I made a big decision. I decided to sell my Blackberry Playbook and all the accessories for it. I'm sick of it. I want a good tablet! So I put it on Ebay and Kijiji. Lots of interest, but no buyers yet. I also went to the post office to mail a package, but I forgot that its Easter weekend...so it was closed. Ugh. But we did run into my parents at Tim Horton's, and they took us to Julius Pizza for dinner! Plus we made plans to spend time together on Sunday. :)

Today has been pretty blah. I made $25 selling some stuff to a woman via Kijiji. I spent some time cleaning my room. But I didn't get it finished. I ended up getting a fight with some girls, because I was defending Robyn. As usual, my intellect and sarcasm won. To be fair, I'm pretty sure that the people I was fighting with had the same IQ as a toaster. Seriously...so stupid. And even though I was victorious, it put me in a bad mood. That usually always happens when I get involved in a negative situation. It sucks the positive energy out of me. :(

That is it for now. Yeah...not a lot of interesting things happened. Or happy things for that matter. :/

i wanna run with the reckless emotion

♪♫ Alive - Melissa O'Neil

Another blog! Yay! Okay...its not that exciting, LOL. Well, I'll begin with Tuesday; I got to packages in the mail! It was my Pikachu DS Lite pouch and my mini Piglet plush! They are both sooo cute! After that, I mostly cleaned all day. Matt's mom picked me up at one point and took me to the post office so that I could mail a couple letters. Then to the furniture store, so that I could make another payment on my bedroom set. I made a lot of food when I got back home. Then I went back to cleaning again. :P


Wednesday wasn't a good day. I was feeling really depressed, and I ended up having a breakdown. Just feels like I've been in a rut lately. And Matt's parents found out about how I was feeling, which was embarrassing. But they weren't annoyed or anything. They were worried. So I called my grandmother and made plans for Matt and I to stay with my grandmother and cousin in Halifax for two weeks! So excited! Oh and I decided that I'm going to buy myself a Blackberry Torch 9810. I had one when I was 17. Best phone I ever had (despite the lack of apps). And they're only $140 at a nearby pawn shop! But I'm still keeping my Android. I love Instagram and Doctor Who: Legacy way too much, LOL. xD

There was a big snowstorm on Thursday. But that didn't stop me from going out anyways, haha. Matt got his tax return money and let me borrow some of it. And his mum drove me to the pawn shop. And as you probably already guessed; I got my Blackberry Torch 9810 (but I couldn't think of a name for it)! Its in pretty great condition too. Yay! And the only other interesting thing that happened was ordering an internet browser for my DS Lite. Wooo! :)



I decided to go with a new phone plan on Friday. So Matt and I went to the mall. I did research before we left the house and decided that Bell was the best option. So I walked in and immediately got help. That usually never happens, LOL. I got the perfect phone plan! Unlimited everything (except for data - I only get 500mb). And its only $60 a month! Not bad! The woman also said that I could cancel it anytime with no charge. Awesome. Oh and I came up with a name for my phone while I was there! A song by Stevie Nicks was playing, so I went with Stevie! It's such a witchy name. I love it! ^_^

Matt and I grabbed some supper on our way home. And as soon as we got back to the house, I became glued to my phone (Stevie) for hours. I barely spoke to Matt, LOL. But he didn't seem upset about it. However...the evening did get sorta upsetting. We heard his parents having a pretty bad fight. His dad accused his mum of cheating on him and she was insulted. I felt bad for Matt. I could see it in his face...he was worried. :(

The fight seemed to linger into yesterday. His mum left for the night and his dad looked upset. I tried not to think about it. Instead I finished setting everything up on my phone. Surprisingly it took pretty much all day. And I couldn't get to sleep, so I made dolls on dollpalace.com to entertain myself for the night. xP

I haven't really done anything today. I've mainly just worked on my main blog's layout. It feels a lot more positive and happy. And I really need that in my life right now...

kicked out & moving on

♪♫ Nothing

I got kicked out of my house on Sunday. All because I confronted my mother about abusing me...again. But it turned into an awful fight. Fucking horrid cunt. So I was gonna go to the women's shelter, but Garnet insisted that I stay with him for the night. So he sent a taxi for me. And Matt came along for support. We chilled at Garnet's work (got free pizza & pop!) until he got off at 1:00 am. Then Matt went home and I went to Garnet's. It was a scary night. My anxiety level was way up. Garnet and I stayed up late, smoked, talked and watched Doctor Who.

When I woke up on Monday, no one was there. So I used his house phone and called my grandmother to tell her what was happening. Then I made a couple more phone calls. And finally I texted Matt. He agreed to pay for me to get a taxi to his house (so that I could figure out what my next step was gonna be...). After being there for a little bit, his parents ended up telling me that I could stay for as long as I want! And his mum drove us down to a store; so that Matt could buy a phone card for me to be able to make long distance calls to my grandmother! :3

In the evening, I finally got a hold of my mother. She told me that I could pick up a few things. So I got a drive from Matt's mom, and both her and Matt waited for me outside. My mum was nice at first, then she quickly changed and became viciously angry. She kept screaming at me to get the hell out and never come back. She took my keys, threw my bags and shoes into the hallway and threatened to call the police. I was crying so hard. I was so scared. And I hadn't even gotten everything I came there for. Ugh. :'(

When I got back to Matt's house, his mum hugged me and told me that I was part of their family now. I felt so loved and accepted. I continued crying, but it turned into happy tears. I feel so blessed. She told me that I could sleep in Matt's bed with him. Since we are both adults, she doesn't care what we do. How cool, eh? It was really lovely to cuddle with him all night. :3

Today I woke up super early and had a long shower. No one was home, so I chilled on the couch and watched TV. I eventually got really hungry and ordered KFC. But they don't accept debit, so I had to run to the store for cash. And I ended up buying a Powerade too. Typical me, LOL. The KFC was a lovely treat. Especially after the hell I went through. And my dear Matt came home with Turtles and a phone card for me. What a sweetheart! After that, we got ready quickly. Then he walked me to my appointment with my therapist. (which went well).


After the appointment with my therapist, we went to the post office. Apparently there was a package there for me. And while I was waiting in line; some crazy old lady kept commenting on my blue hair and lip ring. She said I was too pretty to ruin my hair and face. Fucking hell. I hate those types of people. I can do whatever I want with my hair and face! Ugh. Anyways, the package turned out to be the Twin Peaks cushion that I ordered! Its so perfect! I love it! I also picked up a few things that I needed at the drug store. :P


We caught a bus to the mall after that, and spent a while looking around in stores. And eventually Walmart, where I bought Matt a new bed set (two pillows, two sheet sets, a comforter & a queen size fleece blanket), because his old one was awful. His pillows had no covers, they were paper thin and brown with rings. His comforter was torn and frayed. He had no bed sheets. It was so uncomfortable. I'm so glad its better now! Anyways, I also bought three new pairs of jeans (which I desperately needed), and fleece zebra print pajamas. Oh plus a black and white chevron cup at a random clothing store in the mall. Can you guess? Yes...Twin Peaks inspired. Perfect for tea on the go! :)


Matt's parents made us breakfast for dinner, which was delicious! Other than that, nothing else interesting has occurred. I'm just gonna relax and try to think positively. This whole situation is fucked up, but I'm sure things will get better. ^_^

thoughts will soon be wandering

♪♫ Turn The Page - Bob Seger

My date on Friday night went really well. Matt was all dressed up. And looking hot I should add. He took me to a diner that reminds me of the Double R Diner from Twin Peaks. It was lovely. Then we went to another place for dessert; he got a brownie sundae and I got red velvet cheesecake. Yum! And somehow we ended up talking about serial killers and psychopaths. LOL, typical me on a date. xD


So I invited him back to my house after that, since my mum was at work and my step dad is deaf and sleeping. We cuddled for most of the night, watched TV and Eraserhead. Which Matt thought was really weird. And we both heard my step dad leaving for work around 4:30 am. I forgot he had to work. Fuck. But he didn't come in my room. So Matt and I started getting intimate. It was amazing. And then he left before my mum came home from work. Which was around 6:30 am. Since I was already awake, I decided to watch Supernatural.


My mum came home and immediately began screaming. Apparently my step dad had texted her and told her that some guy's shoes were in the hallway. So she figured out that Matt was here for the night. But me being stupid...I tried to lie. I said I had no clue what she was talking about. Which didn't help. She hit me really hard in the face. Then she grounded me and told me that no one is allowed to come here ever again. Except for my birthday. Does that make any fucking sense!? I'm almost twenty-one. I'm an adult! I'm so fucking mad. But if I don't listen to her, she is gonna kick me out. I fell asleep crying and feeling like complete shit. :'(

I woke up late yesterday. No surprise. Considering I was up until 7:30 am the night before. But yeah...I spent hours too scared to leave my room. I was afraid of how my mum was gonna act. She mostly ignored me. But she also took my door knob away, decided to think of a better punishment in the new year and get my step dad to check on me at night to make sure I'm alone in my room. I'm in fucking hell. At least my grandmother cheered me up a little bit.

Today hasn't been much better. My step dad wants to kick me out because I said he smells bad. So fucking what!? My mum says that to him all the time! Plus he has called me horrible names so many times and never apologized. He is a complete piece of shit. And my mum spoke to me briefly. Just to tell me what I'm a liar and manipulator. That I'm trying to get people against her, apparently. That she doesn't care if I stop speaking with her forever. And that I only use men for their money. What a fucking cunt. I'm seriously on the verge on committing suicide right now. I can't leave my house, talk to anyone and I've got a drawer filled with pills.

fire all of your guns at once

♪♫ Born To Be Wild - Steppenwolf

Monday was a somewhat unpleasant day. Although...I did receive the triple feature of Psycho sequels on DVD. Yay! I was kinda expecting more packages to arrive. Ugh. I'm so impatient, LOL. Anyways, my mum and I got into a bit of a fight. No surprise. We were talking and I brought up the fact that I almost drowned when I was in pre-school. She freaked out and said that I lie for attention because I have mental illness. I was so hurt and shocked. She told me that she believes the pre-school teacher, even though she lied to save her job. -_-


She later apologized and said she doesn't like to talk about it. Or anything negative at all, for that matter. But not everything in life is positive. She needs to realize that. So yeah...I pretty much just spent my day having a Psycho movie marathon. And my bladder infection isn't improving. I think I need to go back to the doctor. Ugh. I also agreed to do Bible study with my mum's church friend. I have no intention of going to church. I'm against religion. But I love learning about it. I'll see how it goes. :P

Tuesday was...meh. I got White Star by Elizabeth Vaughan in the mail. Wooo! Now my Epic of Palins collection is complete. And I decided to do some drawing too. My first drawing was inspired by David Lynch's Inland Empire. If you seen the movie, you'd get the references in the drawing. The second one is a...warrior faerie? Not too sure. I had no plans in mind when I started it. Turned out pretty weird looking to be honest. And once again; no improvement with my bladder infection. Ahhhh. D:



Today was pretty great. I got The Elephant Man on DVD in the mail. Wooo! And BJ was kind enough to take pity upon my poor ass and buy me $65 worth of groceries. Which should last for the month. I'm hoping. I also got my prescription filled. And we had to walk to the liquor store for Kara, which I wasn't too happy about. But I'm so thankful that BJ helped me with everything. Especially helping me carry everything on the bus, then from the bus stop to my house...in the pouring rain. We were completely soaked.


I changed into dry clothes once we got to my house, and I gave BJ a towel to sit on. He passed me everything from the bags and I put them away. I kept smiling as my fridge got filled up. I'm glad that I have good friends to help me out when I'm in need. Anyways, his mum came and picked us up a little while later (& I brought Bentley's birthday present & card for Kara to take to him - his birthday is tomorrow!). And we made it all the way to the west side...then we realized that we forgot Kara's liquor in my room. So we had to go back to get it. xD

Kara showed up at BJ's not long after we arrived. The night was pretty great. A lot of talking, laughing, and playing Monopoly (which I won). But they both got tired early, so BJ's mum drove us home. And she was nice enough to stop at Subway for me, so that I could get some dinner. Yum! My appetite has been kinda fucked up lately, so I feel happy when I actually eat something. :P