♪♫ Evil Woman - Electric Light Orchestra
So I don't have feelings for that person I mentioned in my last blog. I was just confused by the dream. But apparently he has feelings for me. And I'm quite flattered, but nothing is gonna happen. I love BJ and I miss him a whole lot. Since, like I said before, I rarely see him anymore. And I kinda feel bad for the guy who has feelings for me. He isn't very good with getting women. Not that he is bad looking or has a bad personality. He just gets awkward. :(
So Tuesday was a shitty day. I woke up and immediately had to go to an appointment with my psychiatrist. I told him how I was feeling a little more depressed lately, and that I had two panic attacks since our last visit. I wish I hadn't of told him that, because he increased the dosage of my medication and added Prozac. Instead of five pills a day, I gotta take seven now. I'm really pissed, because he told me before that he was gonna get me off the Clonazepam, but because of what I told him...he decided it was best to keep me on them. I hate them so much. They cause my memory to disintegrate, and horrible insomnia on top of that. I told him that seven pills was a lot, and I think I offended him, because he said "do you want another psychiatrist?". I said no, because he is the best psychiatrist I've ever had...but it seems like I'm on too much medication. :/
After that, I waited in the mall for my mother. She took so long to show up. No surprise. Then she gave me $12, since her and my step dad both spent $12 on lunch without me. So we walked to the city market. I ran into Missy and her dad along the way. I feel bad that I haven't been hanging out with her much lately. Kat and Adam as well. I keep avoiding people. Anyways, I got a sandwich and milk for lunch. Yum! We did some shopping after that. We didn't buy a whole lot, but I did get some hair clips, black leggings for my Halloween costume, ten horror movies on DVD (which came in a tin box & it was $10!), etc. The horror movies include: The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, House on Haunted Hill, Night of the Living Dead, Nosferatu, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and more! Lots of classics for my Halloween horror movie marathon! ;D
I relaxed at home for a little while after that. And I had plans with BJ, so I was also waiting for him. Unfortunately he could only hangout with me for an hour, so we just went to dinner at Jungle Jim's. Afterwards, I decided to do something on my own. It was a big step for me, considering my social anxiety and agoraphobia have been bad recently. I was really nervous, but I caught a bus and went to the mall on the other side of town! :)
I had $30 in my budget for movies. I was originally just going to buy Mulholland Drive and Blue Velvet, but instead of being $15 and $12 at HMV (like it said on their website), they were two for $20! So I had an extra $8, which I used to buy The Craft and The Goonies at Wal-Mart ($5 each). I went a few dollars over budget, but oh well. I'm very happy with my purchases! Oh and I was going to buy two zebra print lamps at Wal-Mart (for my apartment), but I didn't have enough money. I suppose I should wait until I get a new bedroom set anyways. I may change my mind by then. ^_^
While I was waiting at the bus stop (to catch a bus home), I overheard some loud bitch spreading rumours about Gen. If you aren't aware, Gen is girl from my city that went missing a couple weeks ago. I met her a few times through friends. Really lovely girl. Anyways, the loud bitch was making up a bunch of shit. Saying things like her family abused her, her uncle sexually assaulted her, she ran away, she killed herself, a serial killer murdered her, etc. Just kept making up stuff and telling some old lady. I wanted to slap her. Oh my fuck, I had to wait for her to get on the bus before I even got close to the bus, because I would have slapped her. Disrespectful piece of shit. Ugh. -_-
At least I had something exciting to get my mind off that loud bitch; the new episode of Supernatural! Yes, season nine has begun! And I enjoyed it as I munched out on pumpkin pie and nachos. Yay! But due to having my "lady issues", I was quite cranky (mainly from cramps), and just ended my night by laying in bed and watching TV.
Wednesday was a completely unproductive day. Cramps made it nearly impossible to accomplish anything. And I was supposed to do more shopping, but I had to cancel. Instead I just chilled in my room, ate food, watched TV, painted my nails, browsed the web, etc. I also had a mini John Cusack marathon at the end of the night (I only watched Better off Dead & Say Anything...). Wooo! I love his movies from the 80's. :3
Thursday was pure awesome. Except for the fact I woke up late. I was supposed to hangout with BJ and his friend Jenna, but I slept in. So she dropped him off at my house and we chilled in my room for a little while. I asked him if I could have some of the tequila he had left and he said yes. It was the last time I could drink (because my medication was increased). Anyways, I was in a ton of pain. Ugh. Worst timing for cramps. So I waited for them to pass. Luckily they went away ten minutes before we had to leave. Good luck for once! :O
We met up with Kara at 7:30 pm at the bus stop by her house. Before heading to BJ's, I asked him if he had mix for the tequila, and he said no. So he went into the store to get some. While he was doing that, Gen's parents approached us and gave us a missing poster to pin up some place. I felt so bad seeing them. They looked destroyed. But I was kinda happy to get my hands on a poster of her. I was wondering where to get one. I want to do anything I can to help, and since I have so many mental issues at the moment...there is a limited amount of things I can do.
Anyways, we went to BJ's and played Trivial Pursuit again. I ended up smoking weed with Kara again (still no anxiety!), and got a little drunk too. We listened to music, smoked, talked and laughed. BJ had to do some studying whenever he got the chance. It was a great night. We made so many jokes. My favorite was when she compared our ex-friend to the woman on Family Guy who pops out babies constantly and has babies hanging from her boobs, LOL. And Kara fucked up singing The Twelve Days of Christmas. She said "5 French hens", "six French men" and "10 golden rings!". Then she tried to get BJ's mentally handicap aunt to help out and she went all the way up to 7, then started mumbling. We were laughing so hard that we couldn't breathe. xD
Kara had to go home early, so we walked her there. Its not safe around here anymore. Not even during the day. There are people missing, attempted kidnappings, among other things. Anyways, BJ got me a drive home, then I spent my night munching out on pizza pockets, beef stew and biscuits, and watching the new episode of American Horror Story: Coven. I'm not liking it so far. I mean...what the fuck is with Evan's character? He better come back! And everything seems confusing right now. I don't know...
Yesterday I woke up to chocolate cupcakes on my night stand, and I swear my very first thoughts were "is this the real life? is this just fantasy?", LOL. And I ate them all for breakfast. Yeah...that's what happens when you have "lady issues". Anyways, I was supposed to hangout with Kat and Adam, but I cancelled. I made up some bullshit excuse, because I was too embarrassed to admit that I was having bad anxiety.
Even though my anxiety was bad, I still had to get my prescription filled. And luckily my step dad gave me $10 for dinner. Although, I had no intentions of spending it on food. So yeah...I got my friend Matt to come with me, because like I said earlier; its not safe around here. So I bought cigarettes at the store, then we headed to the pharmacy. It didn't take long for my medication to be ready. But I later realized that they fucked it up. They didn't cut a fifth of my Clonazepam pills in half, and they gave me 300 mg of Wellbutrin instead of 450 mg. Oh well. Less chemicals to fuck with my head. :P
We went on a mini adventure afterwards, which led us to underneath the bridge. We had a bunch of random conversations. That went on for a couple hours. But it kept getting colder and bugs kept flocking around us. So we decided to go to McDonald's. Our journey there was long and difficult. We began joking that we were Frodo (Matt) and Sam (Me), and that we were on our way to Mordor (McDonald's). When we finally got there, he bought me some yummy food. I usually don't eat McDonald's...but damn, its delicious. :D
We walked uptown after that. And we kept walking the wrong way. Mostly my fault, LOL. But we eventually made it. And we sat by the bars for a while. We discussed my stories for a while, but the people in and around the bars were getting louder and louder. So we decided to leave. We walked to the high school around the corner from my house, sat and talked. We weren't there for very long though. I got tired, so he walked me home.
I didn't do anything interesting when I got home. But my penicillin ended! Yay! But unfortunately I had to start my new pills today. So far I'm not experiencing any side effects, which is good. But I don't like having to remember so many pills. I also made my homemade dip again! That is the only productive and interesting thing that I did today. My life is lame. I hope tomorrow will be better. -_-
P.S. My dad has started the David Lynch painting that I requested for Christmas. I think he is gonna send me a picture of how it looks so far. I'm excited! :D
Edit // October 13th @ 12:26 am: Spending my night watching Ghost Adventures. I'm kinda addicted to it thanks to my wifey Kara. Such an intense show! Makes me wanna be a paranormal investigator. :D
So I don't have feelings for that person I mentioned in my last blog. I was just confused by the dream. But apparently he has feelings for me. And I'm quite flattered, but nothing is gonna happen. I love BJ and I miss him a whole lot. Since, like I said before, I rarely see him anymore. And I kinda feel bad for the guy who has feelings for me. He isn't very good with getting women. Not that he is bad looking or has a bad personality. He just gets awkward. :(
So Tuesday was a shitty day. I woke up and immediately had to go to an appointment with my psychiatrist. I told him how I was feeling a little more depressed lately, and that I had two panic attacks since our last visit. I wish I hadn't of told him that, because he increased the dosage of my medication and added Prozac. Instead of five pills a day, I gotta take seven now. I'm really pissed, because he told me before that he was gonna get me off the Clonazepam, but because of what I told him...he decided it was best to keep me on them. I hate them so much. They cause my memory to disintegrate, and horrible insomnia on top of that. I told him that seven pills was a lot, and I think I offended him, because he said "do you want another psychiatrist?". I said no, because he is the best psychiatrist I've ever had...but it seems like I'm on too much medication. :/
After that, I waited in the mall for my mother. She took so long to show up. No surprise. Then she gave me $12, since her and my step dad both spent $12 on lunch without me. So we walked to the city market. I ran into Missy and her dad along the way. I feel bad that I haven't been hanging out with her much lately. Kat and Adam as well. I keep avoiding people. Anyways, I got a sandwich and milk for lunch. Yum! We did some shopping after that. We didn't buy a whole lot, but I did get some hair clips, black leggings for my Halloween costume, ten horror movies on DVD (which came in a tin box & it was $10!), etc. The horror movies include: The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, House on Haunted Hill, Night of the Living Dead, Nosferatu, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and more! Lots of classics for my Halloween horror movie marathon! ;D
I relaxed at home for a little while after that. And I had plans with BJ, so I was also waiting for him. Unfortunately he could only hangout with me for an hour, so we just went to dinner at Jungle Jim's. Afterwards, I decided to do something on my own. It was a big step for me, considering my social anxiety and agoraphobia have been bad recently. I was really nervous, but I caught a bus and went to the mall on the other side of town! :)
I had $30 in my budget for movies. I was originally just going to buy Mulholland Drive and Blue Velvet, but instead of being $15 and $12 at HMV (like it said on their website), they were two for $20! So I had an extra $8, which I used to buy The Craft and The Goonies at Wal-Mart ($5 each). I went a few dollars over budget, but oh well. I'm very happy with my purchases! Oh and I was going to buy two zebra print lamps at Wal-Mart (for my apartment), but I didn't have enough money. I suppose I should wait until I get a new bedroom set anyways. I may change my mind by then. ^_^
While I was waiting at the bus stop (to catch a bus home), I overheard some loud bitch spreading rumours about Gen. If you aren't aware, Gen is girl from my city that went missing a couple weeks ago. I met her a few times through friends. Really lovely girl. Anyways, the loud bitch was making up a bunch of shit. Saying things like her family abused her, her uncle sexually assaulted her, she ran away, she killed herself, a serial killer murdered her, etc. Just kept making up stuff and telling some old lady. I wanted to slap her. Oh my fuck, I had to wait for her to get on the bus before I even got close to the bus, because I would have slapped her. Disrespectful piece of shit. Ugh. -_-
At least I had something exciting to get my mind off that loud bitch; the new episode of Supernatural! Yes, season nine has begun! And I enjoyed it as I munched out on pumpkin pie and nachos. Yay! But due to having my "lady issues", I was quite cranky (mainly from cramps), and just ended my night by laying in bed and watching TV.
Wednesday was a completely unproductive day. Cramps made it nearly impossible to accomplish anything. And I was supposed to do more shopping, but I had to cancel. Instead I just chilled in my room, ate food, watched TV, painted my nails, browsed the web, etc. I also had a mini John Cusack marathon at the end of the night (I only watched Better off Dead & Say Anything...). Wooo! I love his movies from the 80's. :3
Thursday was pure awesome. Except for the fact I woke up late. I was supposed to hangout with BJ and his friend Jenna, but I slept in. So she dropped him off at my house and we chilled in my room for a little while. I asked him if I could have some of the tequila he had left and he said yes. It was the last time I could drink (because my medication was increased). Anyways, I was in a ton of pain. Ugh. Worst timing for cramps. So I waited for them to pass. Luckily they went away ten minutes before we had to leave. Good luck for once! :O
We met up with Kara at 7:30 pm at the bus stop by her house. Before heading to BJ's, I asked him if he had mix for the tequila, and he said no. So he went into the store to get some. While he was doing that, Gen's parents approached us and gave us a missing poster to pin up some place. I felt so bad seeing them. They looked destroyed. But I was kinda happy to get my hands on a poster of her. I was wondering where to get one. I want to do anything I can to help, and since I have so many mental issues at the moment...there is a limited amount of things I can do.
Anyways, we went to BJ's and played Trivial Pursuit again. I ended up smoking weed with Kara again (still no anxiety!), and got a little drunk too. We listened to music, smoked, talked and laughed. BJ had to do some studying whenever he got the chance. It was a great night. We made so many jokes. My favorite was when she compared our ex-friend to the woman on Family Guy who pops out babies constantly and has babies hanging from her boobs, LOL. And Kara fucked up singing The Twelve Days of Christmas. She said "5 French hens", "six French men" and "10 golden rings!". Then she tried to get BJ's mentally handicap aunt to help out and she went all the way up to 7, then started mumbling. We were laughing so hard that we couldn't breathe. xD
Kara had to go home early, so we walked her there. Its not safe around here anymore. Not even during the day. There are people missing, attempted kidnappings, among other things. Anyways, BJ got me a drive home, then I spent my night munching out on pizza pockets, beef stew and biscuits, and watching the new episode of American Horror Story: Coven. I'm not liking it so far. I mean...what the fuck is with Evan's character? He better come back! And everything seems confusing right now. I don't know...
Yesterday I woke up to chocolate cupcakes on my night stand, and I swear my very first thoughts were "is this the real life? is this just fantasy?", LOL. And I ate them all for breakfast. Yeah...that's what happens when you have "lady issues". Anyways, I was supposed to hangout with Kat and Adam, but I cancelled. I made up some bullshit excuse, because I was too embarrassed to admit that I was having bad anxiety.
Even though my anxiety was bad, I still had to get my prescription filled. And luckily my step dad gave me $10 for dinner. Although, I had no intentions of spending it on food. So yeah...I got my friend Matt to come with me, because like I said earlier; its not safe around here. So I bought cigarettes at the store, then we headed to the pharmacy. It didn't take long for my medication to be ready. But I later realized that they fucked it up. They didn't cut a fifth of my Clonazepam pills in half, and they gave me 300 mg of Wellbutrin instead of 450 mg. Oh well. Less chemicals to fuck with my head. :P
We went on a mini adventure afterwards, which led us to underneath the bridge. We had a bunch of random conversations. That went on for a couple hours. But it kept getting colder and bugs kept flocking around us. So we decided to go to McDonald's. Our journey there was long and difficult. We began joking that we were Frodo (Matt) and Sam (Me), and that we were on our way to Mordor (McDonald's). When we finally got there, he bought me some yummy food. I usually don't eat McDonald's...but damn, its delicious. :D
We walked uptown after that. And we kept walking the wrong way. Mostly my fault, LOL. But we eventually made it. And we sat by the bars for a while. We discussed my stories for a while, but the people in and around the bars were getting louder and louder. So we decided to leave. We walked to the high school around the corner from my house, sat and talked. We weren't there for very long though. I got tired, so he walked me home.
I didn't do anything interesting when I got home. But my penicillin ended! Yay! But unfortunately I had to start my new pills today. So far I'm not experiencing any side effects, which is good. But I don't like having to remember so many pills. I also made my homemade dip again! That is the only productive and interesting thing that I did today. My life is lame. I hope tomorrow will be better. -_-
P.S. My dad has started the David Lynch painting that I requested for Christmas. I think he is gonna send me a picture of how it looks so far. I'm excited! :D
Edit // October 13th @ 12:26 am: Spending my night watching Ghost Adventures. I'm kinda addicted to it thanks to my wifey Kara. Such an intense show! Makes me wanna be a paranormal investigator. :D
Oh man, I saw that picture of those cupcakes on Facebook and Instagram and I seriously wanted to drool all over the place, haha, I'm such a fat kid, for real.
ReplyDeleteI've never watched Ghost Adventures, how is it? I was sticking with Paranormal State as my 'paranormal' show kind of thing for a while now, I love it. I used to watch Ghost Hunters and Ghost Hunters International but I don't really like how they push psychics aside while they're doing investigations. Merp, lame. I'll have to check out Ghost Adventures sometime, though, I love shows like that.