♪♫ Stressed Out - Twenty One Pilots
So much has changed in seven years. The 2010 picture was taken when I was sixteen, right after I got my first apartment. I was emancipated from my parents due to abuse and homelessness. I was struggling a lot with my mental health. I also was caught up in a bad relationship. About a year later, my drinking problem began and eventually I got kicked out of that apartment for spending my rent money on alcohol. I dropped out of school the next year, then I spent the next five years drinking all the time, smoking weed, smoking cigarettes, hanging out with criminals and going from relationship to relationship. I ended up in shady places and experienced a lot of vicarious trauma due to the stories from the people I hung out with. Plus actual trauma from events that I experienced with those people. There was a lot of violence. I know someone currently in jail for murder right now. I know some others who went for attempted murder.
I got caught up in that world. It made me street smart and desensitized me to a lot of fucked up stuff. I wasn't a good person. I manipulated people. I stole from people. I was self-destructive and didn't care much about others around me. I could not regulate my emotions at all. It was the worst time in my life. I was in a black hole and couldn't figure out how to get out. Eventually, I ended up in a relationship and living with a man that I didn't really love. I felt trapped. My depression was so bad that I couldn't get out of bed most days. Then, one day I just had enough. I called my grandmother, who lived in a different province, and asked her if I could live with her. She agreed, so I began saving money and packing. A couple months later, I was with her. During the time I lived with her, I quit drinking and smoking, lost 70lbs, got my GED, did volunteer work and got accepted into college.
The college I applied to was in a different town, so I had to move. I got government funding and assistance to pay for my schooling and my living expenses (and I don't have to pay it back). Now here I am. I have passed the first year of college and the first semester of second year. I have gotten myself into my first healthy relationship. I have made some stable friends. I did it! I made it! Sometimes I forget where I came from and how far I've come. Many people don't know where I came from. My past is dark and full of trauma. I've witnessed overdoses, I know several people that have been stabbed or have stabbed other people, I have been robbed, I have been homeless many times, I have dated drug dealers and more. It was a rough life that I never thought I'd get out of. And that is exactly why I'm becoming a child and youth care worker. I will be working with youth that I have similar experiences to my own. I want them to know its possible to change their life.
When I look at the picture of me from 2010 and the one from 2017, I see a major difference. I look happier and more confident. I am a fighter and I can make it through anything after what I have been through!
So much has changed in seven years. The 2010 picture was taken when I was sixteen, right after I got my first apartment. I was emancipated from my parents due to abuse and homelessness. I was struggling a lot with my mental health. I also was caught up in a bad relationship. About a year later, my drinking problem began and eventually I got kicked out of that apartment for spending my rent money on alcohol. I dropped out of school the next year, then I spent the next five years drinking all the time, smoking weed, smoking cigarettes, hanging out with criminals and going from relationship to relationship. I ended up in shady places and experienced a lot of vicarious trauma due to the stories from the people I hung out with. Plus actual trauma from events that I experienced with those people. There was a lot of violence. I know someone currently in jail for murder right now. I know some others who went for attempted murder.
I got caught up in that world. It made me street smart and desensitized me to a lot of fucked up stuff. I wasn't a good person. I manipulated people. I stole from people. I was self-destructive and didn't care much about others around me. I could not regulate my emotions at all. It was the worst time in my life. I was in a black hole and couldn't figure out how to get out. Eventually, I ended up in a relationship and living with a man that I didn't really love. I felt trapped. My depression was so bad that I couldn't get out of bed most days. Then, one day I just had enough. I called my grandmother, who lived in a different province, and asked her if I could live with her. She agreed, so I began saving money and packing. A couple months later, I was with her. During the time I lived with her, I quit drinking and smoking, lost 70lbs, got my GED, did volunteer work and got accepted into college.
The college I applied to was in a different town, so I had to move. I got government funding and assistance to pay for my schooling and my living expenses (and I don't have to pay it back). Now here I am. I have passed the first year of college and the first semester of second year. I have gotten myself into my first healthy relationship. I have made some stable friends. I did it! I made it! Sometimes I forget where I came from and how far I've come. Many people don't know where I came from. My past is dark and full of trauma. I've witnessed overdoses, I know several people that have been stabbed or have stabbed other people, I have been robbed, I have been homeless many times, I have dated drug dealers and more. It was a rough life that I never thought I'd get out of. And that is exactly why I'm becoming a child and youth care worker. I will be working with youth that I have similar experiences to my own. I want them to know its possible to change their life.
When I look at the picture of me from 2010 and the one from 2017, I see a major difference. I look happier and more confident. I am a fighter and I can make it through anything after what I have been through!
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