♪♫ I Miss You - Blink 182
Friday was kinda dull. I was mostly depressed all day. Watching Friends again, of course. I really need to get out more. Starting to feel like I have cabin fever. Anyways, I did do one productive thing; I got all my Christmas cards done and ready to be sent! And my mum picked up a pack of stamps for me (& brought me chilli). I hope everyone likes them! Oh and I have inspiration to write...but no motivation...if that makes sense. Its frustrating. I wish I had more friends to talk to. And I wish my agoraphobia wasn't so bad right now.
I had quite the strange dream that night; My hot high school math teacher was there. I've always had a huge crush on him. So no surprise that I dreamt about him. Anyways, we lived in some sort of rooming house. But there wasn't enough beds, so we had to share. He began cuddling me at night in hi sleep. And one morning, we kissed. Somehow everyone else in the house got turned into a video game and we had to save them. So we got in a giant Hummer, which was really hard to operate. I couldn't make it up the road. Probably because he kept smiling at me and kissing me. Big distractions. Then he got turned into a video game and I had to save him. I panicked and ran back to the house. When I got there, a doctor was curing everyone. I walked by rooms and seen people sick in beds with nurses and doctors. Then I got to my room. He was there. So I walked over, sat down and he turned to face me. He looked so happy. And it all ended with a passionate kiss.
The dream left me with a feeling that felt so real. Something I haven't felt in so long; strong passionate love. I never felt that with BJ. I now know that we aren't meant to be. And I'm looking forward to finding that man who will kiss me so passionately that my entire body will tingle and I'll melt into his arms. I'm not gonna look though. I'm just gonna wait for prince charming to show up. :)
Later in the day, things got...interesting. I met up with Matt to watch the Santa Claus parade and get some hot chocolate. But we ended up not doing either of those things. Instead, we went to the bar for a drink. We sat on the patio and watched some drunk guy dance by himself, twerk and do jazz hands. It was hilarious. The whole patio was watching, laughing and cheering him on. Gotta love drunks, haha.
Our friend Ryan showed up after seeing on Facebook that Matt and I were at the bar. He bought us a pitcher of beer. I wasn't a beer fan before, but now I am! And Molson Canadian is the best! I had no problem drinking it. No bad after taste! Anyways, we munched out on cheetos, smoked cigarettes and played 'I never'. Ryan's friend Ben showed up in the middle of the game and joined in. But eventually we decided to play truth or dare...oh no. :P
Truth or dare got weird...like it usually does. I had to kiss both Ryan and Matt. Not awkward though. I don't mind kissing people. Ryan got the funniest dare; he had to lick a stranger's elbow. And he did it! The guy wasn't even mad. He laughed and came to sit with us. He was pretty cool. I think we had a second pitcher at some point. Its a bit foggy. But oh my fuck...I was so wasted. xD
Matt was acting odd. He looked upset, but we couldn't get him to talk. I already kinda knew what it was...he was upset that I kissed Ryan, because he has a crush on me. So I took him aside, and sure enough...I was completely right. So I told him that I have feelings for him. Which I do. But I'm not sure if they're really strong ones that will lead to a relationship. I also told him that I've just gone through a breakup. I was in a relationship for over a year. I just wanna fun right now and he shouldn't get his hopes up. He understood. Then...we kissed again. Because of silly drunk me.
We somehow lost Ryan and went on a journey to find him. But we ended up getting lost. We went up many flights of stairs and walked down many hallways. And guess what!? I ended up on the roof of the mall! I set the alarm off and didn't even bother running right away. I waited a few minutes, then Matt and I escaped. And I stole fake snow off a tree for no reason. Anyways, we decided to head back to the bars because we wanted to find Ryan and I wanted more beer. And it didn't take long to find him. He was on the patio of one of the bars.
I got more beer. Which I really didn't need. I was so drunk that I could barely walk. But I was loving it. Matt got upset again, because I was flirting with Ryan. I couldn't help it! He is a smooth talker. He knows what to say. I reminded Matt of what I said earlier and he cheered up a bit. Then I started acting weird. I kept laughing, nearly falling over and I stole a salt shaker. I think its part of my BPD. I have periods of time when I have self destructive behaviour. -_-
I vaguely remember going to the bank and Ryan getting money. Then I remember going to Julius for pizza and cigarettes. It was so delicious. But I felt kinda full from beer. So I ate it slowly. Matt went back to his bad mood again. Ugh. So Ryan invited us to his apartment. It was actually horribly boring when we got there. Matt was acting even more upset. Ryan felt bad. And I was drunk and being an idiot. We were supposed to play a drinking game, but Matt didn't wanna do anything. So Ryan and I walked him home.
He didn't wanna go home when we got to his house. So I asked him if he wanted to talk and he agreed. He ran upstairs to get his jacket, leaving me alone with Ryan. And he ended up kissing me. Ahhh. Why was I sluttin' it up all night!? Single life after being in a relationship for so long has turned me into a wild girl! Anyways, we all walked to the park nearby and sat down. We didn't even talk about why Matt was upset. I began talking about horror, gore and serial killers. I don't know why. My mind is fucked up. Oh and Ben randomly walked by. So he stopped to talk for a few minutes and I gave him the rest of my pizza.
Ryan was cold and tired, so he decided to head home. I stayed with Matt, and we talked more about things. I tried explaining it all better. I also added that I change my mind a lot because of my mental issues. I'm unstable. But I proposed the idea of friends with benefits. He had a huge smile on his face after that. But I'm not sure if that is gonna happen. I think I just wanna stay single for now. Anyways, he walked me home. We had a slightly awkward moment at my door when we almost kissed, but hugged instead. Oh and I found out that I won the auction for the Jumanji game on Ebay! :D
Today I woke up with a bad hangover. I forgot the golden rule; always drink a glass of water before bed. Ugh. I took a risk by getting my step dad to get me two bowls of chilli. It was really spicy, delicious and filling. And you'd think that would make me puke, but I was fine! Also, since I have such a guilty conscience, I told BJ everything about my wild drunk night. He was okay with it. Then Ryan and Matt kept messaging me. Both wanting to hangout with me. I kinda just avoided it. Other than that, I've been drinking lots of water and resting. My hangover is pretty much gone now. Yay!
Friday was kinda dull. I was mostly depressed all day. Watching Friends again, of course. I really need to get out more. Starting to feel like I have cabin fever. Anyways, I did do one productive thing; I got all my Christmas cards done and ready to be sent! And my mum picked up a pack of stamps for me (& brought me chilli). I hope everyone likes them! Oh and I have inspiration to write...but no motivation...if that makes sense. Its frustrating. I wish I had more friends to talk to. And I wish my agoraphobia wasn't so bad right now.
I had quite the strange dream that night; My hot high school math teacher was there. I've always had a huge crush on him. So no surprise that I dreamt about him. Anyways, we lived in some sort of rooming house. But there wasn't enough beds, so we had to share. He began cuddling me at night in hi sleep. And one morning, we kissed. Somehow everyone else in the house got turned into a video game and we had to save them. So we got in a giant Hummer, which was really hard to operate. I couldn't make it up the road. Probably because he kept smiling at me and kissing me. Big distractions. Then he got turned into a video game and I had to save him. I panicked and ran back to the house. When I got there, a doctor was curing everyone. I walked by rooms and seen people sick in beds with nurses and doctors. Then I got to my room. He was there. So I walked over, sat down and he turned to face me. He looked so happy. And it all ended with a passionate kiss.
The dream left me with a feeling that felt so real. Something I haven't felt in so long; strong passionate love. I never felt that with BJ. I now know that we aren't meant to be. And I'm looking forward to finding that man who will kiss me so passionately that my entire body will tingle and I'll melt into his arms. I'm not gonna look though. I'm just gonna wait for prince charming to show up. :)
Later in the day, things got...interesting. I met up with Matt to watch the Santa Claus parade and get some hot chocolate. But we ended up not doing either of those things. Instead, we went to the bar for a drink. We sat on the patio and watched some drunk guy dance by himself, twerk and do jazz hands. It was hilarious. The whole patio was watching, laughing and cheering him on. Gotta love drunks, haha.
Our friend Ryan showed up after seeing on Facebook that Matt and I were at the bar. He bought us a pitcher of beer. I wasn't a beer fan before, but now I am! And Molson Canadian is the best! I had no problem drinking it. No bad after taste! Anyways, we munched out on cheetos, smoked cigarettes and played 'I never'. Ryan's friend Ben showed up in the middle of the game and joined in. But eventually we decided to play truth or dare...oh no. :P
Truth or dare got weird...like it usually does. I had to kiss both Ryan and Matt. Not awkward though. I don't mind kissing people. Ryan got the funniest dare; he had to lick a stranger's elbow. And he did it! The guy wasn't even mad. He laughed and came to sit with us. He was pretty cool. I think we had a second pitcher at some point. Its a bit foggy. But oh my fuck...I was so wasted. xD
Matt was acting odd. He looked upset, but we couldn't get him to talk. I already kinda knew what it was...he was upset that I kissed Ryan, because he has a crush on me. So I took him aside, and sure enough...I was completely right. So I told him that I have feelings for him. Which I do. But I'm not sure if they're really strong ones that will lead to a relationship. I also told him that I've just gone through a breakup. I was in a relationship for over a year. I just wanna fun right now and he shouldn't get his hopes up. He understood. Then...we kissed again. Because of silly drunk me.
We somehow lost Ryan and went on a journey to find him. But we ended up getting lost. We went up many flights of stairs and walked down many hallways. And guess what!? I ended up on the roof of the mall! I set the alarm off and didn't even bother running right away. I waited a few minutes, then Matt and I escaped. And I stole fake snow off a tree for no reason. Anyways, we decided to head back to the bars because we wanted to find Ryan and I wanted more beer. And it didn't take long to find him. He was on the patio of one of the bars.
I got more beer. Which I really didn't need. I was so drunk that I could barely walk. But I was loving it. Matt got upset again, because I was flirting with Ryan. I couldn't help it! He is a smooth talker. He knows what to say. I reminded Matt of what I said earlier and he cheered up a bit. Then I started acting weird. I kept laughing, nearly falling over and I stole a salt shaker. I think its part of my BPD. I have periods of time when I have self destructive behaviour. -_-
I vaguely remember going to the bank and Ryan getting money. Then I remember going to Julius for pizza and cigarettes. It was so delicious. But I felt kinda full from beer. So I ate it slowly. Matt went back to his bad mood again. Ugh. So Ryan invited us to his apartment. It was actually horribly boring when we got there. Matt was acting even more upset. Ryan felt bad. And I was drunk and being an idiot. We were supposed to play a drinking game, but Matt didn't wanna do anything. So Ryan and I walked him home.
He didn't wanna go home when we got to his house. So I asked him if he wanted to talk and he agreed. He ran upstairs to get his jacket, leaving me alone with Ryan. And he ended up kissing me. Ahhh. Why was I sluttin' it up all night!? Single life after being in a relationship for so long has turned me into a wild girl! Anyways, we all walked to the park nearby and sat down. We didn't even talk about why Matt was upset. I began talking about horror, gore and serial killers. I don't know why. My mind is fucked up. Oh and Ben randomly walked by. So he stopped to talk for a few minutes and I gave him the rest of my pizza.
Ryan was cold and tired, so he decided to head home. I stayed with Matt, and we talked more about things. I tried explaining it all better. I also added that I change my mind a lot because of my mental issues. I'm unstable. But I proposed the idea of friends with benefits. He had a huge smile on his face after that. But I'm not sure if that is gonna happen. I think I just wanna stay single for now. Anyways, he walked me home. We had a slightly awkward moment at my door when we almost kissed, but hugged instead. Oh and I found out that I won the auction for the Jumanji game on Ebay! :D
Today I woke up with a bad hangover. I forgot the golden rule; always drink a glass of water before bed. Ugh. I took a risk by getting my step dad to get me two bowls of chilli. It was really spicy, delicious and filling. And you'd think that would make me puke, but I was fine! Also, since I have such a guilty conscience, I told BJ everything about my wild drunk night. He was okay with it. Then Ryan and Matt kept messaging me. Both wanting to hangout with me. I kinda just avoided it. Other than that, I've been drinking lots of water and resting. My hangover is pretty much gone now. Yay!
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