♪♫ Supersonic - Oasis
For fuck sakes, I'm still slacking with writing blogs. I need to stop forgetting. The entire point of this blog is to keep an archive of what I've done everyday, so I can look back on it in the future. Some thoughts and rants are mixed in too. I love reading my old blogs. I was so different back then. I even have some that I've got in a secret place that date back to when I was fourteen, which was six years ago or more. Blogging is one of my favorite things ever. :D
Okay, so aside from that...last Saturday (May 11th), I spent the rest of my day playing Super Mario World and watching Doctor Who, of course. Thats all I really do with my life now. My mom also made some mini chocolate pies with whip cream. Last time she made them, I was seventeen. So I was pretty excited. I wanna learn how to make them myself, so that I can do it when I move out on my own. Speaking of that...I have an appointment later this week to get into housing (basically its for people who are on welfare or disability & it makes their rent only one third of their income - so they can afford it). I also sent my papers away for permanent disability. I won't know for a couple weeks whether or not I've gotten it, so I'm quite nervous. Wish me luck! :)
My mother doesn't celebrate holidays, so on Mother's Day, nothing really happened. I did consider buying myself a cake, because I'm kinda a mother...I have a cat that is my baby. But I think I really just wanted some cake because of my monthly lady issues. But it got me thinking about how my cat has gotten a lot less nervous around me. She actually comes up to me now and jumps in my lap and licks my hands. She is so sweet and loveable. I will never trade her for anything. I also feel like I saved in her, in a way. She was born in a crackhead's shed. Her mother was a stray cat. She was the runt of the litter. All the other kitten's wouldn't let her eat anything and she was getting really sick. My friend was neighbors with the person, so she asked if I wanted the runt and I agreed. Then she brought over this tiny scared little kitten. I brought her to the veterinarian the next day and she had three different problems. I'm pretty sure it was two infections and fleas. So I paid to have it all dealt with and she got better in a week. Then she started being a little terror. Running around, knocking things down and clawing everyone. She has tamed down now, thankfully. But my point is; I love her. :)
I had to get groceries on Monday, so my boyfriend helped me out. I ended up spending a lot more than I planned to. I satisfied my cake cravings by buying red velvet cupcakes. Expensive, but so worth it. I also got Ben & Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, nachos + dip and lots more junk food. I usually only buy a couple small treats, but fuck it. I was having lady issues, I felt like I deserved to indulge in some delicious food. So anyways, we came back to my house and put all the food away, then he had to leave not long after that, because he had to work early the next morning. So I just relaxed and watched Bates Motel, The Colbert Report and Conan...the usual. :P
My boyfriend came over on Tuesday. We were supposed to go to the movies, but he didn't quite have enough money, so we stayed in. Our evening consisted of food from Julius Pizza, playing Super Mario World and watching 21 Jump Street. It was just awesome. After he left, I stayed up until really early in the morning to watch the three new episodes of Game of Thrones that I missed. I ship Brienne and Jaime so hard that it hurts. My fuck, he is so damn sexy. And she has such a unique and strong beauty. Perfection. Okay, I'm done blabbing about that now.
Wednesday was a terrible day. I had horrible period cramps. I don't care if that is too much information. It was horrible. I could barely move and I was also having chest pains too. I spent all day in bed, watching TV and playing Super Mario World. I also re-watched all the episodes of That 80's Show. I know a lot of people hate it, but I actually like it. I wish it didn't get cancelled. :(
I had a pretty messed up dream that night too...
Every so often I have this dream about being inside this beautiful castle, filled with bright colors and Victorian furniture, like something from Europe. And in this house, there is many rooms. But two rooms are the most interesting: the attic and the basement. I’ve been in the basement, which is just a dark room filled with hundreds of shelves of random stuff. I’ve never taken the time to look at any of these things. Only briefly looked around at the shelves. The attic is much scarier. Anytime I’ve gotten close to it in my dream, I felt overwhelming fear even though nothing was nearby to make me feel that way. I’ve avoided it in almost every dream, except for one. The attic itself isn’t interesting at all. Bare and plain, but its the small hidden door that causes the fear. Its only big enough for one person to crawl through, so in this one particular dream, I got curious enough to crawl through it. The scared feeling only got worse and when I made it to the other side of the door, I was in a small room. The walls were white, there was a large window that seemed to lead to an entirely different place. It wasn’t a view of sunny skies or clouds, it was a bright light. And in the middle of the room was a old fashioned pink loveseat. It seemed to be waiting for me. But I didn’t want to sit on it, because of the fear I was feeling. I crawled back through the door and woke up not long after that.
I decided to finally analyze this reoccurring dream with dream analysis books/websites. Turns out that an attic is a symbol of hidden memories and repressed thoughts. I have the feeling something bad happened to me as a child and when I’m near the room, I feel that same fear. Maybe if I actually sat in that loveseat, I would remember what happened. Maybe I just need to face it and go in there and find out. There is something slightly comforting about the light in the window. But I’m scared it will change me. I’m scared I will find out why I’m the way I am. I know there is something there. Its waiting for me. Its been waiting for me for a long time...
Additional notes: I think I may try to go see a hypnotherapist. I really want to see if I do have some sort of repressed memory. But this whole thing has shaken me up. Its so creepy. :/
Thursday wasn't much better than Wednesday. I still had horrible cramps all day and felt like I just wanted to punch every man that I know. I was crying in pain and my mother brought me a smoothie to make me feel better. It helped a little bit. I don't think I really did a whole lot during the day. Just tried to distract myself from the pain. I finally felt better in the evening, so I asked my friend Matt if he wanted to hangout for a little bit, because he lives up the road. So we went to the square and sat around and talked, while I chain smoked. Before I went home, we stopped by Subway so that I could get some dinner. It was a fun time. Made me feel better to get out of the house. I ended my night by watching The Colbert Report. Perfection. :3
When I woke up in the morning, my mom had brought me Twinkies and Root Beer. I wanted to save them for later, so I just put them in my fridge. I was supposed to visit Megan and Marcus in the early afternoon, but my mom was sleeping and I can't shower when she is sleeping, because it wakes her up. So I played Super Mario World while I waited. I finally got to their apartment around 6:30 pm. It was boring at first, but then they asked me to fog the bathroom with them, also known as hot boxing. I didn't actually smoke any of the weed, but I still got kinda high from the fumes. It was my first time getting high in a long time. I used to be a huge pothead. But that was a long time ago. Anyways, after that we had the munchies, so Marcus went to the store and spent $30 on pop and chocolate bars. Plus he already had a bag of chips and Megan made burgers earlier, so we had a feast of delicious food. The burgers were so fucking good. She has some secret ingredients that she puts in and she told me, so I'm gonna try to make them myself at some point. I also had to get a picture of Marcus because he got way too excited about finding spicy pepperoni and grape pop in the fridge, then getting the last hamburger. My boyfriend showed up later in the night and we fogged the bathroom again. He decided to actually smoke weed for the first time in a long time and all of us were laughing for an hour about the dumbest shit.
Megan and Marcus fell asleep pretty quickly, so I went out into the living room with my boyfriend and we layed down, talked and cuddled for a little while. He had to go home around 2:00 am, so he left and I watched Sydney White until I fell asleep. I was woken up early by everyone who was screaming and throwing stuff at me and banging on pots and pans. I was pissed, but they were heading out to get a dog, so I had to go home. I had a shower as soon as I got home, then had a huge lunch (quiche, salad, Twinkies & root beer). Then I continued getting ready until 3:00 pm, when my boyfriend showed up to take me on a date. We spent time at the mall for a while, because we had time to kill before the movie started. We ended up deciding to see Star Trek: Into Darkness, instead of The Great Gatsby. It was awesome! I loved it so much. He had to catch the last bus home, so he walked me home, we had a cigarette, then he left. I spent the rest of my evening watching Doctor Who and eating a mini buffet of awesome food. Yay! :D
I'm not sure what I'm gonna do today. I think I'm gonna try to finish season three of Doctor Who and maybe get some Subway later. Not too sure. But that reminds me: my boyfriend is buying me a mini Tardis replica on Friday! I'm paying him back for it when I get my check. But its only $30. It makes sounds, lights up and the tops comes off, making it a little storage place. I'm totally gonna use it to hide candy because it doesn't look like the top comes off so no one will think to try and open it. I'm so excited! ^_^
For fuck sakes, I'm still slacking with writing blogs. I need to stop forgetting. The entire point of this blog is to keep an archive of what I've done everyday, so I can look back on it in the future. Some thoughts and rants are mixed in too. I love reading my old blogs. I was so different back then. I even have some that I've got in a secret place that date back to when I was fourteen, which was six years ago or more. Blogging is one of my favorite things ever. :D
Okay, so aside from that...last Saturday (May 11th), I spent the rest of my day playing Super Mario World and watching Doctor Who, of course. Thats all I really do with my life now. My mom also made some mini chocolate pies with whip cream. Last time she made them, I was seventeen. So I was pretty excited. I wanna learn how to make them myself, so that I can do it when I move out on my own. Speaking of that...I have an appointment later this week to get into housing (basically its for people who are on welfare or disability & it makes their rent only one third of their income - so they can afford it). I also sent my papers away for permanent disability. I won't know for a couple weeks whether or not I've gotten it, so I'm quite nervous. Wish me luck! :)
My mother doesn't celebrate holidays, so on Mother's Day, nothing really happened. I did consider buying myself a cake, because I'm kinda a mother...I have a cat that is my baby. But I think I really just wanted some cake because of my monthly lady issues. But it got me thinking about how my cat has gotten a lot less nervous around me. She actually comes up to me now and jumps in my lap and licks my hands. She is so sweet and loveable. I will never trade her for anything. I also feel like I saved in her, in a way. She was born in a crackhead's shed. Her mother was a stray cat. She was the runt of the litter. All the other kitten's wouldn't let her eat anything and she was getting really sick. My friend was neighbors with the person, so she asked if I wanted the runt and I agreed. Then she brought over this tiny scared little kitten. I brought her to the veterinarian the next day and she had three different problems. I'm pretty sure it was two infections and fleas. So I paid to have it all dealt with and she got better in a week. Then she started being a little terror. Running around, knocking things down and clawing everyone. She has tamed down now, thankfully. But my point is; I love her. :)
I had to get groceries on Monday, so my boyfriend helped me out. I ended up spending a lot more than I planned to. I satisfied my cake cravings by buying red velvet cupcakes. Expensive, but so worth it. I also got Ben & Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, nachos + dip and lots more junk food. I usually only buy a couple small treats, but fuck it. I was having lady issues, I felt like I deserved to indulge in some delicious food. So anyways, we came back to my house and put all the food away, then he had to leave not long after that, because he had to work early the next morning. So I just relaxed and watched Bates Motel, The Colbert Report and Conan...the usual. :P
My boyfriend came over on Tuesday. We were supposed to go to the movies, but he didn't quite have enough money, so we stayed in. Our evening consisted of food from Julius Pizza, playing Super Mario World and watching 21 Jump Street. It was just awesome. After he left, I stayed up until really early in the morning to watch the three new episodes of Game of Thrones that I missed. I ship Brienne and Jaime so hard that it hurts. My fuck, he is so damn sexy. And she has such a unique and strong beauty. Perfection. Okay, I'm done blabbing about that now.
Wednesday was a terrible day. I had horrible period cramps. I don't care if that is too much information. It was horrible. I could barely move and I was also having chest pains too. I spent all day in bed, watching TV and playing Super Mario World. I also re-watched all the episodes of That 80's Show. I know a lot of people hate it, but I actually like it. I wish it didn't get cancelled. :(
I had a pretty messed up dream that night too...
Every so often I have this dream about being inside this beautiful castle, filled with bright colors and Victorian furniture, like something from Europe. And in this house, there is many rooms. But two rooms are the most interesting: the attic and the basement. I’ve been in the basement, which is just a dark room filled with hundreds of shelves of random stuff. I’ve never taken the time to look at any of these things. Only briefly looked around at the shelves. The attic is much scarier. Anytime I’ve gotten close to it in my dream, I felt overwhelming fear even though nothing was nearby to make me feel that way. I’ve avoided it in almost every dream, except for one. The attic itself isn’t interesting at all. Bare and plain, but its the small hidden door that causes the fear. Its only big enough for one person to crawl through, so in this one particular dream, I got curious enough to crawl through it. The scared feeling only got worse and when I made it to the other side of the door, I was in a small room. The walls were white, there was a large window that seemed to lead to an entirely different place. It wasn’t a view of sunny skies or clouds, it was a bright light. And in the middle of the room was a old fashioned pink loveseat. It seemed to be waiting for me. But I didn’t want to sit on it, because of the fear I was feeling. I crawled back through the door and woke up not long after that.
I decided to finally analyze this reoccurring dream with dream analysis books/websites. Turns out that an attic is a symbol of hidden memories and repressed thoughts. I have the feeling something bad happened to me as a child and when I’m near the room, I feel that same fear. Maybe if I actually sat in that loveseat, I would remember what happened. Maybe I just need to face it and go in there and find out. There is something slightly comforting about the light in the window. But I’m scared it will change me. I’m scared I will find out why I’m the way I am. I know there is something there. Its waiting for me. Its been waiting for me for a long time...
Additional notes: I think I may try to go see a hypnotherapist. I really want to see if I do have some sort of repressed memory. But this whole thing has shaken me up. Its so creepy. :/
Thursday wasn't much better than Wednesday. I still had horrible cramps all day and felt like I just wanted to punch every man that I know. I was crying in pain and my mother brought me a smoothie to make me feel better. It helped a little bit. I don't think I really did a whole lot during the day. Just tried to distract myself from the pain. I finally felt better in the evening, so I asked my friend Matt if he wanted to hangout for a little bit, because he lives up the road. So we went to the square and sat around and talked, while I chain smoked. Before I went home, we stopped by Subway so that I could get some dinner. It was a fun time. Made me feel better to get out of the house. I ended my night by watching The Colbert Report. Perfection. :3
When I woke up in the morning, my mom had brought me Twinkies and Root Beer. I wanted to save them for later, so I just put them in my fridge. I was supposed to visit Megan and Marcus in the early afternoon, but my mom was sleeping and I can't shower when she is sleeping, because it wakes her up. So I played Super Mario World while I waited. I finally got to their apartment around 6:30 pm. It was boring at first, but then they asked me to fog the bathroom with them, also known as hot boxing. I didn't actually smoke any of the weed, but I still got kinda high from the fumes. It was my first time getting high in a long time. I used to be a huge pothead. But that was a long time ago. Anyways, after that we had the munchies, so Marcus went to the store and spent $30 on pop and chocolate bars. Plus he already had a bag of chips and Megan made burgers earlier, so we had a feast of delicious food. The burgers were so fucking good. She has some secret ingredients that she puts in and she told me, so I'm gonna try to make them myself at some point. I also had to get a picture of Marcus because he got way too excited about finding spicy pepperoni and grape pop in the fridge, then getting the last hamburger. My boyfriend showed up later in the night and we fogged the bathroom again. He decided to actually smoke weed for the first time in a long time and all of us were laughing for an hour about the dumbest shit.
Megan and Marcus fell asleep pretty quickly, so I went out into the living room with my boyfriend and we layed down, talked and cuddled for a little while. He had to go home around 2:00 am, so he left and I watched Sydney White until I fell asleep. I was woken up early by everyone who was screaming and throwing stuff at me and banging on pots and pans. I was pissed, but they were heading out to get a dog, so I had to go home. I had a shower as soon as I got home, then had a huge lunch (quiche, salad, Twinkies & root beer). Then I continued getting ready until 3:00 pm, when my boyfriend showed up to take me on a date. We spent time at the mall for a while, because we had time to kill before the movie started. We ended up deciding to see Star Trek: Into Darkness, instead of The Great Gatsby. It was awesome! I loved it so much. He had to catch the last bus home, so he walked me home, we had a cigarette, then he left. I spent the rest of my evening watching Doctor Who and eating a mini buffet of awesome food. Yay! :D
I'm not sure what I'm gonna do today. I think I'm gonna try to finish season three of Doctor Who and maybe get some Subway later. Not too sure. But that reminds me: my boyfriend is buying me a mini Tardis replica on Friday! I'm paying him back for it when I get my check. But its only $30. It makes sounds, lights up and the tops comes off, making it a little storage place. I'm totally gonna use it to hide candy because it doesn't look like the top comes off so no one will think to try and open it. I'm so excited! ^_^
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