♪♫ Mr Krinkle - Primus
I haven't been blogging a whole lot, because I haven't really been in the blogging mood. Nothing really interesting has happened either. I moved into Garnet's and I'm trying to get my life together. It seems like a huge mess right now. I want to graduate high school, get some money and move out on my own. But those goals seem so difficult, especially because of my anxiety. I had an appointment to get back on medication, but I had too much anxiety to leave the house. So I'm gonna reschedule...whenever I get around to it. I'm a chronic procrastinator.
Something that always seems to tag along with my anxiety, is depression. My self esteem is shot to hell. I don't even wear makeup, do my hair or get dressed up anymore. I'd really like to dye my hair and get it cut, but I don't have the motivation to do it. I just don't feel pretty. More than anything, I'd like to feel good about myself, but it feels impossible. I'm sinking lower and lower into a pit of hell...or at least thats how it feels most days. The only thing that keeps me going is my friends. And the only thing that gets my mind off of it, is playing Tetris.
I have so many things I want to tell my friends. Things I've never told them before. Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna explode and scream everything I wanna say until my face turns red. But I can't. Some things are better left unsaid and if I can't deal with it...who can? My mind is a disaster and I'm scared to be alone with my thoughts. I often think about leaving my friends...because I don't want anyone to deal with what I'm going through. But I need them...just as much as they need me. I just can't help but feel awful for dragging them down with me.
I'm gonna have a smoke, eat rice w/ cream of mushroom soup and watch Lost. I hope my my anxiety doesn't act up tonight. I want some peace and relaxation.
I haven't been blogging a whole lot, because I haven't really been in the blogging mood. Nothing really interesting has happened either. I moved into Garnet's and I'm trying to get my life together. It seems like a huge mess right now. I want to graduate high school, get some money and move out on my own. But those goals seem so difficult, especially because of my anxiety. I had an appointment to get back on medication, but I had too much anxiety to leave the house. So I'm gonna reschedule...whenever I get around to it. I'm a chronic procrastinator.
Something that always seems to tag along with my anxiety, is depression. My self esteem is shot to hell. I don't even wear makeup, do my hair or get dressed up anymore. I'd really like to dye my hair and get it cut, but I don't have the motivation to do it. I just don't feel pretty. More than anything, I'd like to feel good about myself, but it feels impossible. I'm sinking lower and lower into a pit of hell...or at least thats how it feels most days. The only thing that keeps me going is my friends. And the only thing that gets my mind off of it, is playing Tetris.
I have so many things I want to tell my friends. Things I've never told them before. Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna explode and scream everything I wanna say until my face turns red. But I can't. Some things are better left unsaid and if I can't deal with it...who can? My mind is a disaster and I'm scared to be alone with my thoughts. I often think about leaving my friends...because I don't want anyone to deal with what I'm going through. But I need them...just as much as they need me. I just can't help but feel awful for dragging them down with me.
I'm gonna have a smoke, eat rice w/ cream of mushroom soup and watch Lost. I hope my my anxiety doesn't act up tonight. I want some peace and relaxation.
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