♪♫ Hello - Adele
I'm back! I feel the need to explain why I've been so absent for the past year or so. I was living with my ex-boyfriend for a year and half or more, and I finally just couldn't do it anymore. It was a rebound relationship, which I can see now. I was pretty much over it by the second or third week of the relationship. But I stuck with him. Why? Because at that time I was living with my mother, who was extremely abusive. I just couldn't take it anymore. I also discussed this with my psychiatrist, and he strongly suggested that I get away from her. So I moved in with my ex after barely even knowing him. And I stayed for so long, because I couldn't go back home, and I had nowhere else to go. I was trapped.
During that time, I quit drinking and smoking. That decision caused me to lose most of my friends. I also stopped speaking to my mother on Christmas day (I haven't spoken to her since). So being jobless, friendless, stuck in a bad relationship, and having no family nearby... I fell into a deep depression that lasted about a year. I pretty much didn't get out of bed during this time. All I did was eat and watch TV, which led to me gaining 70lbs in a year. I was miserable, and I wasn't sure what to do. The only thing I could think of was to move back to my hometown to live with my cousin and grandmother, whilst trying to get my life back on track. But I was scared. I didn't know if I'd be happy in my hometown. I'd have to start fresh, and I wasn't sure how to do that.
It took a couple months, but I finally decided to do it. It was my only option. It was a very critical moment in my life. I knew I was either gonna do it, or end up on welfare for the rest of my life, with a few kids and most likely a drug addiction too. After deciding for sure, I broke up with my ex. I didn't even feel sad at all. I felt relieved. I immediately began getting moving supplies, and selling stuff online to get money for a moving truck. I wanted out of there as soon as possible. I spent time with my only two remaining friends before I left. I miss them greatly, but I still talk with them often. They are the only thing that I miss from that city.
Since then, I've immensely improved my life. I'm not depressed anymore for starters. My PTSD symptoms are also minimal. I feel completely fine for the first time in my life. I think the main reason is that I cut my mother out of my life. I also lost 25lbs, I'm not on medication anymore, I'm in GED classes, I got into college for next year (child and youth care), I'm volunteering as a Brownie leader (and made my first friend here too!), I'm working on my self confidence, and I'm enjoying spending time with my family. My life is finally coming together!
Looking back on my life, I realize that I had a bad drinking problem for most of my teenage years. And my rock bottom (getting kicked out of my apartment after spending my rent money on liquor) didn't even slow me down. My "friends" were really just drinking buddies. So when I quit, then stopped asking me to hangout. I'm still unsure of how to make friends and socialize without drinking. Its tough, but I'm gonna figure it out. I also realize that my childhood was none of my fault. I was an innocent child. I did nothing wrong. I deserved unconditional love and protection. But my mother was unable to, do to her Narcissistic Personality Disorder. And the abuse that I endured is the reason I'm getting a later start with life than most. I should be out of college by now. I'm 22 years old. But like I said, it wasn't my fault. I shouldn't have had to go through that.
Without the constant upset of living with an abuser, the frustration of being in a dead end relationship, and not having bad friends in my life anymore... I'm very at peace. I just enjoy life now. Its wonderful. My future looks bright, and I'm excited about it! I can't wait for whats next! I've also noticed how much I've matured. I used to get sucked into drama pretty easily. Now I just shrug and walk away. I feel so free!
So that pretty much concludes my explanation. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. Even if they're a bit personal. I'm an open book! Also, let me know what you think of my new theme! I found it online, and fell in love with it. I modified it quite a bit, and I'm very happy with the result. Bye for now!
I'm back! I feel the need to explain why I've been so absent for the past year or so. I was living with my ex-boyfriend for a year and half or more, and I finally just couldn't do it anymore. It was a rebound relationship, which I can see now. I was pretty much over it by the second or third week of the relationship. But I stuck with him. Why? Because at that time I was living with my mother, who was extremely abusive. I just couldn't take it anymore. I also discussed this with my psychiatrist, and he strongly suggested that I get away from her. So I moved in with my ex after barely even knowing him. And I stayed for so long, because I couldn't go back home, and I had nowhere else to go. I was trapped.
During that time, I quit drinking and smoking. That decision caused me to lose most of my friends. I also stopped speaking to my mother on Christmas day (I haven't spoken to her since). So being jobless, friendless, stuck in a bad relationship, and having no family nearby... I fell into a deep depression that lasted about a year. I pretty much didn't get out of bed during this time. All I did was eat and watch TV, which led to me gaining 70lbs in a year. I was miserable, and I wasn't sure what to do. The only thing I could think of was to move back to my hometown to live with my cousin and grandmother, whilst trying to get my life back on track. But I was scared. I didn't know if I'd be happy in my hometown. I'd have to start fresh, and I wasn't sure how to do that.
It took a couple months, but I finally decided to do it. It was my only option. It was a very critical moment in my life. I knew I was either gonna do it, or end up on welfare for the rest of my life, with a few kids and most likely a drug addiction too. After deciding for sure, I broke up with my ex. I didn't even feel sad at all. I felt relieved. I immediately began getting moving supplies, and selling stuff online to get money for a moving truck. I wanted out of there as soon as possible. I spent time with my only two remaining friends before I left. I miss them greatly, but I still talk with them often. They are the only thing that I miss from that city.
Since then, I've immensely improved my life. I'm not depressed anymore for starters. My PTSD symptoms are also minimal. I feel completely fine for the first time in my life. I think the main reason is that I cut my mother out of my life. I also lost 25lbs, I'm not on medication anymore, I'm in GED classes, I got into college for next year (child and youth care), I'm volunteering as a Brownie leader (and made my first friend here too!), I'm working on my self confidence, and I'm enjoying spending time with my family. My life is finally coming together!
Looking back on my life, I realize that I had a bad drinking problem for most of my teenage years. And my rock bottom (getting kicked out of my apartment after spending my rent money on liquor) didn't even slow me down. My "friends" were really just drinking buddies. So when I quit, then stopped asking me to hangout. I'm still unsure of how to make friends and socialize without drinking. Its tough, but I'm gonna figure it out. I also realize that my childhood was none of my fault. I was an innocent child. I did nothing wrong. I deserved unconditional love and protection. But my mother was unable to, do to her Narcissistic Personality Disorder. And the abuse that I endured is the reason I'm getting a later start with life than most. I should be out of college by now. I'm 22 years old. But like I said, it wasn't my fault. I shouldn't have had to go through that.
Without the constant upset of living with an abuser, the frustration of being in a dead end relationship, and not having bad friends in my life anymore... I'm very at peace. I just enjoy life now. Its wonderful. My future looks bright, and I'm excited about it! I can't wait for whats next! I've also noticed how much I've matured. I used to get sucked into drama pretty easily. Now I just shrug and walk away. I feel so free!
So that pretty much concludes my explanation. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. Even if they're a bit personal. I'm an open book! Also, let me know what you think of my new theme! I found it online, and fell in love with it. I modified it quite a bit, and I'm very happy with the result. Bye for now!
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