♪♫ Missing - Evanescence
My ex-boyfriend destroyed the real me. He spent months perfectly ripping apart every shred of me. Ever since then, I've been lost, confused and trying to find myself.
I want to be the real me again. The girl who didn't give a fuck. The girl who would walk to the gas station at 3am, in the pouring rain..just to get a pack of smokes. I was hard as nails. Nothing seemed to really bother me. I was a tough bitch.
Then Ryan walked into my life and my knees turned into Jello. I instantly became a sappy love sick wimp. He used me. He abused me. He fucked me over. Then I was a lost dog, trying to find its way back home.
I didn't know who I wanted to be: The girl who gets straight A's in school, listens to her parents and never does anything bad. Or..the girl who drops out of school, leaves home and rebels. I was confused.
I ended up choosing the one I've always been destined to be: the girl who drops out of school, leaves home and rebels.
And it feels right. So right.
But I still haven't found my whole self yet. Parts of me are still missing. I'm empty and I can feel it. I'm still trying to find myself.
I'm only happy when I'm with my best friends. They make me smile like I've never smiled before. They are the light in my life. But there are complications that make things difficult. Its hard sometimes..
My ex-boyfriend destroyed the real me. He spent months perfectly ripping apart every shred of me. Ever since then, I've been lost, confused and trying to find myself.
I want to be the real me again. The girl who didn't give a fuck. The girl who would walk to the gas station at 3am, in the pouring rain..just to get a pack of smokes. I was hard as nails. Nothing seemed to really bother me. I was a tough bitch.
Then Ryan walked into my life and my knees turned into Jello. I instantly became a sappy love sick wimp. He used me. He abused me. He fucked me over. Then I was a lost dog, trying to find its way back home.
I didn't know who I wanted to be: The girl who gets straight A's in school, listens to her parents and never does anything bad. Or..the girl who drops out of school, leaves home and rebels. I was confused.
I ended up choosing the one I've always been destined to be: the girl who drops out of school, leaves home and rebels.
And it feels right. So right.
But I still haven't found my whole self yet. Parts of me are still missing. I'm empty and I can feel it. I'm still trying to find myself.
I'm only happy when I'm with my best friends. They make me smile like I've never smiled before. They are the light in my life. But there are complications that make things difficult. Its hard sometimes..
Deidre I love you, I know from experience that
ReplyDeletelife can be very hard sometimes. This world
may be round but it has some very sharp and
hard edges. People don't seem to get it
sometimes, most seem like either they don't
understand or don't care to. I also believe
that in the darkness beauty can still be found.
Maybe if there was no darkness, light would
have no meaning to us. Any how I'm running
out of space to write. You are special to me
no matter what!
Love Dad
P.S The "War" album by the band U2 is full
ReplyDeleteof great songs about the pursuit of light
even in times of great darkness. I personally
find the songs "The drowning man" and "Surrender" to be especially meaningful.
I understand that state of mind, I'm somewhat going through it right now after getting out of an abusive relationship. The fact that you're searching for the 'real you', though, shows a strength in you that nobody can ever take away.
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