♪♫ Fuck The World - Insane Clown Posse
I'll get to the whole "alcoholic" thing later. First of all, Tuesday was kinda boring. I was sitting around doing nothing, just waiting for my boyfriend to show up. I lost track of time and he showed up and I wasn't ready. So I just quickly changed my clothes and went down to meet him. We went to get my prescription filled, bought a new mirror and got some ice cream. Then we came back to my house and watched part of Fahrenheit 9/11. He ate his ice cream, but I saved mine. My parents began fighting, so we decided to leave and I walked him to the bus stop. On my way home, I got some Subway. So I had ice cream and Subway while I watched Pretty Little Liars. ^_^
Wednesday was a crazy day. I got ready to meet up with my friends and decided to get drunk before I left my house. I stumbled my way down to meet them and they were drunk too. Kat, Adam and I decided to go to the tunnel under the board walk for a little while. Its so creepy down there. There is two tunnels and one of them leads to a room (usually filled with pill bottles and needles). We tried getting to the room, but we got scared halfway there and went back. Next time we'll do it. :P
They decided to leave, so I met up with my boyfriend, Garnet, Shayne and a few others. We didn't hangout with them for long. My boyfriend and I went for a walk because I wanted to talk to him about something personal. Basically we haven't had sex yet and we've been dating for ten months. He acts weird whenever I try to make a move and its really frustrating. He hardly ever touches me at all. I feel like I'm being friend-zoned by my own boyfriend. He said he is gonna try to change it, but if he doesn't...there is a chance I may break up with him. I love him a lot, but there is no affection or passion right now. :(
I walked him to the bus stop afterwards, then grabbed Subway before heading home. I didn't feel much better after the talk, to be honest. I won't feel better until we have sex and he starts acting more affectionate. And since I've been drinking a lot, mixed with the four pills I have to take everyday...my mind has been a mess. I thought I was losing feelings for him, then I loved him even more, then I had feelings for my ex, then I didn't...I don't even know whats going on in my head right now. But I quit drinking, so I'll see everything more clear now and be able to figure out whats going on.
Today (technically yesterday) was a disaster. I'm still so stressed about the apartment money, my mom being a bitch, my boyfriend frustrating me...so I got drunk by myself. I drank Jack Daniel's straight from the bottle and listened to music. It cheered me up and I felt great (also, my tongue was blue and I have no clue why...so confused). Then I decided to go out with a friend for a beer. So I told my mom and she freaked out. She said she was gonna kick me out and send me to rehab and put me in a group home (which is funny, because I'm 20 years old). She said I had a drinking problem and a drug problem and an eating problem (I've hardly eaten anything lately). She even got my grandmother to talk to me and I was so angry. My mom took my keys and banned me from leaving the house, because she thought I was gonna go get liquor. I was beyond angry and upset.
She doesn't even know about my sleeping problem (major insomnia) or that I get sick everyday. I can barely function. But I felt like I needed the liquor because on top of the pills, it numbed my feelings. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. I didn't wanna think about my problems anymore. I wanted to avoid everything and have fun. But once I sobered up, I decided that I'm quitting drinking for good now. I'm so sad. I'll always be craving it and jealous when I see people drinking. But its messing my mind up too much. Maybe I should just start smoking weed again!?
Thankfully I had five people talking to me and cheering me up. Having a cigarette made me feel a lot better too. Finally when I was calm, I told my mom I was sorry and that I'm done with drinking. Then I made myself some hot dogs, since I hadn't eaten anything all day.
I hope tomorrow is good. I need my friends. And I need to figure out what the next step is in my life.
P.S. I'm going on vacation on the 13th till around the 30th. I'll still be blogging, but I'm bringing it up because I'm getting my first tattoo during that time. I've got two things I can't decide between. First one is a quote from John Locke, a character on the show Lost. Its a show that got me through some really tough times.
Which one do you like best?
I'll get to the whole "alcoholic" thing later. First of all, Tuesday was kinda boring. I was sitting around doing nothing, just waiting for my boyfriend to show up. I lost track of time and he showed up and I wasn't ready. So I just quickly changed my clothes and went down to meet him. We went to get my prescription filled, bought a new mirror and got some ice cream. Then we came back to my house and watched part of Fahrenheit 9/11. He ate his ice cream, but I saved mine. My parents began fighting, so we decided to leave and I walked him to the bus stop. On my way home, I got some Subway. So I had ice cream and Subway while I watched Pretty Little Liars. ^_^
Wednesday was a crazy day. I got ready to meet up with my friends and decided to get drunk before I left my house. I stumbled my way down to meet them and they were drunk too. Kat, Adam and I decided to go to the tunnel under the board walk for a little while. Its so creepy down there. There is two tunnels and one of them leads to a room (usually filled with pill bottles and needles). We tried getting to the room, but we got scared halfway there and went back. Next time we'll do it. :P
They decided to leave, so I met up with my boyfriend, Garnet, Shayne and a few others. We didn't hangout with them for long. My boyfriend and I went for a walk because I wanted to talk to him about something personal. Basically we haven't had sex yet and we've been dating for ten months. He acts weird whenever I try to make a move and its really frustrating. He hardly ever touches me at all. I feel like I'm being friend-zoned by my own boyfriend. He said he is gonna try to change it, but if he doesn't...there is a chance I may break up with him. I love him a lot, but there is no affection or passion right now. :(
I walked him to the bus stop afterwards, then grabbed Subway before heading home. I didn't feel much better after the talk, to be honest. I won't feel better until we have sex and he starts acting more affectionate. And since I've been drinking a lot, mixed with the four pills I have to take everyday...my mind has been a mess. I thought I was losing feelings for him, then I loved him even more, then I had feelings for my ex, then I didn't...I don't even know whats going on in my head right now. But I quit drinking, so I'll see everything more clear now and be able to figure out whats going on.
Today (technically yesterday) was a disaster. I'm still so stressed about the apartment money, my mom being a bitch, my boyfriend frustrating me...so I got drunk by myself. I drank Jack Daniel's straight from the bottle and listened to music. It cheered me up and I felt great (also, my tongue was blue and I have no clue why...so confused). Then I decided to go out with a friend for a beer. So I told my mom and she freaked out. She said she was gonna kick me out and send me to rehab and put me in a group home (which is funny, because I'm 20 years old). She said I had a drinking problem and a drug problem and an eating problem (I've hardly eaten anything lately). She even got my grandmother to talk to me and I was so angry. My mom took my keys and banned me from leaving the house, because she thought I was gonna go get liquor. I was beyond angry and upset.
She doesn't even know about my sleeping problem (major insomnia) or that I get sick everyday. I can barely function. But I felt like I needed the liquor because on top of the pills, it numbed my feelings. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. I didn't wanna think about my problems anymore. I wanted to avoid everything and have fun. But once I sobered up, I decided that I'm quitting drinking for good now. I'm so sad. I'll always be craving it and jealous when I see people drinking. But its messing my mind up too much. Maybe I should just start smoking weed again!?
Thankfully I had five people talking to me and cheering me up. Having a cigarette made me feel a lot better too. Finally when I was calm, I told my mom I was sorry and that I'm done with drinking. Then I made myself some hot dogs, since I hadn't eaten anything all day.
I hope tomorrow is good. I need my friends. And I need to figure out what the next step is in my life.
P.S. I'm going on vacation on the 13th till around the 30th. I'll still be blogging, but I'm bringing it up because I'm getting my first tattoo during that time. I've got two things I can't decide between. First one is a quote from John Locke, a character on the show Lost. Its a show that got me through some really tough times.
Which one do you like best?
I personally like the first 'destiny' picture. The second one is nice because it's just one word, but I love when people add a little more than just one word, too.
ReplyDeleteThat's got to be one of the most frustrating things to go through, when you're basically being friend-zoned by your own boyfriend. I don't have to deal with that myself anymore, but I used to know what it was like. It's like a serious, huge stab to the back and the heart, I'm so sorry that he's doing that to you. I know you love him so much, but if he's not treating you the same in return, I suggest you plan your next move. Though it may hurt you at first or for a while, you're going to feel better knowing that he won't be making you feel like that anymore. You deserve to be treated like a girlfriend and continuously; every day!!!<3