you're my one desire

♪♫ I Can't Quit You Baby - Led Zeppelin

For the past few days, I've been having bad anxiety. I have anxiety disorder, but its on and off. Sometimes I wont have it for months, sometimes I'll have it everyday for a few weeks and in 2009, I barely left my house for a whole year because of it. The point is; it varies. I'm really worried right now. I don't want to have anxiety for a long period of time. Its summertime, I wanna enjoy myself. Plus I don't wanna have anxiety when I got back to school in the fall. I don't know what to do...

Yesterday was one of my worse days. In the morning, me and my boyfriend got into a silly fight and I ran out in tears. I sat on the stairs for a while, then I began to cry over the fact he never followed me to see if I was alright. So I waited a little while longer, then I went back upstairs and he was sleeping. I decided I was gonna go home, because I didn't want to make my anxiety worse. So I packed my stuff and got the bus. I was really overtired, so it felt like I was on the bus forever...

I got home and my mum cheered me up. Its the weirdest thing...she was in a great mood. She made me a hamburger, rice and veggies with strawberry ice cream for desert. I guess it was technically breakfast, but it felt like supper. Then she sat on my bed and we talked for a bit. I ended up going to sleep around 10am and I didn't wake up until 8pm. My sleeping schedule is completely fucked up. I've tried to fix it, but it fails every time.

Ever since then, I've been playing dress up games online. Its been doing a good job of keeping my mind off the anxiety. When I wake up later today, I'm thinking of going to Digital World and buying some games for my GameCube. I want either Harvest Moon or Mario Kart: Double Dash! I'm also gonna get some Harry Potter merchandise, a gnome wallet, a chocolate milkshake and a few groceries. I just really hope my anxiety doesn't act up when I go to the mall. Crowds of people are one of the many things that cause me to have panic attacks.

The gnome wallet
I'm actually buying this for Kara, because shes a gnome.
The Harry Potter merchandise
I'm mostly excited for the mini Hedwig! I wanna get a stuffed animal version of Hedwig too.
I might not end up buying all of them. It depends on the amount of money I have and how I feel when I get to the store. Sometimes I think I really want something, then I change my mind at the last minute. xD

P.S. Me and Robyn are no longer fighting. Its worked out, for the most part.

Edit @ 8:06 am » Not long after I wrote this blog, me and my boyfriend broke up. He broke up with me. I've been bawling my eyes out ever since. He means the world to me. He is so much more perfect than he even knows. He is the most beautiful person I have ever met in my life, no exaggeration. I wish I could put into words how wonderful he is. But it would take a really long time. I just wish this whole thing didn't happen. I'm completely heartbroken...